Ryuichi's Love
by kitty-kat13
Summary: Finished. Don't miss the ending! , Ryuichi Sakuma is a lonely man and has no love in his life until he met the boy of his dreams. (Shounen ai) Main pairings: Ryuichi & Shuichi, Yuki & Shuichi, K & Hiro
1. Prologue

**Ryuichi's Love**

_Prologue_

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

I've been charmed by your eyes from far away; wake up and wait for me

Call out and break the night's barricade; the crowd comes out of the reflection

...

Hold me gently, catch me forever, do more until my heart breaks down

-**_Sleepless Beauty_**

A young man with incredible talent and charisma had it all, but maybe he really didn't have it all. He was the lead singer of a very popular band called Nittle Grasper. Time made him extremely famous and, most of all, better and better. But he was in reality a lonely man- that was why he was mostly seen playing- like a child- with a pink bunny he named Kumagorou.

Kumagorou was his companion, his pal, and his escape of reality- he was a grown up. 

Sakuma Ryuichi liked acting like a young boy even when he was 31 years old because he felt the need to love and the only one close to him was Kumagorou. Day after day Kumagoru will accompany him to every single place he went to, and to the extreme point that he will even dressed up as him to feel at home. Every time he dressed as Kuma-chan he felt like he had a family and that family was Kuma.

Time to play Kumagorou!!!

Those were his words every morning when he woke up and saw the cute plushie beside his pillow. But every time he had to step into the spot light he changed and turned into the coolest guy alive. That guy was the one with the fame and love from all, but the one behind the curtains was a lonely man.

But everything changed for him that night- the night he met his number one fan, Shindo Shuichi . Shuichi was a cute boy with pink hair that wears the same haircut as him. His eyes were big and rounded and had a beautiful smile drawn on his lips. He wasn't very tall, probably a few inches less than Sakuma, and was even slimmer than him, but all of those qualities caught the young singer's attention, because at the same instant he saw the boy on stage something big hit him, something so strong he even felt the need to meet him right away. So when Sakuma saw the boy was in trouble in front of his audience, he decides to give him a hand. 

The lead singer of Bad Luck, ShindoShuichi, has suddenly stopped talking and even moving. He probably had stage fright or who knows what was going through his mind. But Ryuichi couldn't just stay there and watch how people mock at the beautiful treasure he just discovered- he just couldn't. So he walked to the stage where Shindo-kun was standing completely perplex with the view of the man he loved- but it wasn't Sakuma. 

Ima mo todokanu hikari no yukue azayaka ni mau omoi o egakou

michibiku kotoba ga koborete shimawanu you ni utsuru toki o osorenaide

  
  


Ryuichi sung to the audience to give comfort to the lead singer of Bad Luck, and, as he did, Shuichi stare amazed to be on the same stage with his all time hero.

Sakuma Ryuichi The boy pronounced as he watched closely, but Ryuichi continued singing. It wasn't long after Ryuichi's intervention that Bad Luck finally rocked the stage, and Shindo was lucky enough to even sing along with his hero Sakuma-san.

  
  


The night was over and Sakuma lay on his hotel room bed completely alone thinking of the boy that reminded him of himself. He brushed his brown hair with his fingertips and then held Kumagorou against his chest while he sighed. it was destiny.

  
  


***

Please review it's my first story ever! =^.^=


	2. Chapter1

**Ryuichi's Love**

_Chapter #1: Shuichi_

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

The room was dark, completely dark. Even when his eyes were open there was nothing he could see, at least nothing physical only imaginary. He had an incredible imagination, that was for sure, and this time though he was so lucky for having it. His eyes were focus on nothing since there wasn't much to look at in the ceiling- especially in the darkness- but in his mind he could see him: the bright pink hair, the slim small body, the white beautiful smile, and the purple shining orbs that capture his attention so badly.

So beautiful

He was putting it all together so he could just see him there beside him and not being alone. Ryuichi loved the energy and enthusiasm he projected, but what he loved the most was his singing voice.

He sighed. 

He played that small moment in his mind again and again, when he and Shindo shared the stage, and loved having company with him while he sung that night. He knew he just simply step there without being asked to, but also noticed that the boy didn't mind, on the contrary, he seemed happy to see him singing his song with him.

We have to sing together againwill you Shindo-kun? Will you sing with me again He closed his eyes sadly thinking that would probably never happen again, but at least his heart was filled with hope to see him soon. He's an NG artist, sowe can see each other frequently, right? I can always ask Tohmabetter not. I don't want him to know. His sadness was stronger than before, so he tried to sleep before depression took over him like many other nights.

Sakuma grabbed his bunny and squeezed it against his chest painfully. As much as he liked to see Kumagorou as his family, deep down in his heart he knew that in reality he was just lonely, completely lonely. Good night Kuma-chan.

Good night, Ryu-kun. He played his voice. I love you.

I love you too Kuma-chan. He wanted someone to say I love you to him, someone who can love him for who he was inside and not the artist in him. He wanted love, like everyone, he just couldn't find it. He never knew if someone really cared about him or just his fame and money. I love you. His voice echoed in the emptiness of the room and minutes after his sobs were heard clearly in the silence.

***

Ryuichi overslept the morning after for having insomnia the night before but now was dressing nicely to go to the studio. What should I wear, what should I wear what should I wear? He threw away each piece as he picked them up from his bags without finding something he liked to wear that particular morning. What do you think about this Kuma, you think Shindo would like? But he was interrupted with a knock on the door. He ran to the door excited to have a visitor and turned chibi like as he open to greet whoever it was. He jumped to grab the tall blond man, but he immediately pushed him away.

Stop that. What is taking you so long; we have a meeting with Tohma in a few minutes. He lifted an eyebrow when he saw the mess in Ryuichi's room and then frowned. Having trouble with your wardrobe?

I have nothing to wear! He yelled frustrated. This is the best I got. He turned around to show K his black jeans, a green and wine colored shirt and a brown jacket. I need a black jacket, now.

Let's go, you'll get the jacket later.

You look fine, besides it's only Tohma- it's not like your singing now.

I won't go! I need a black jacket. He pouts.

I'll tell you what you need. Then K pointed his gun to the man's head. 

Hai, hai! But before he left, he took off the brown jacket and wore a black shirt instead.

***

Both arrived to the building and while they approached it he spotted the one he was wishing to see, but unfortunately he was crying for an unknown reason. _What's wrong Shu-chan?'_ Sakuma though sadly when he heard the sobs, and then quickly step beside him to try cheer him up. What's wrong Shuichi? He smiled with his sweet boyish smile.

The boy who's being crying looked up when he heard a familiar voice. Shindo was surprised to see **_him_** there and most of all that he even remembered his name. Shuichi felt stupid to be crying in front of his idol, but now had no choice- he already saw him.

Why you cry? You want something to cheer you up? The boy nodded. How about a bunny? He gave a Kumagorou plushie to him, but still Shuichi was sad. A Nittle Grasper special video? Once again Shuichi took it but his face was still sad. 

Ryuichi gave him most of the things he had on his pocket and had no idea how to cheer him up. _This is not workingwhat does he need? I want to give him what he needs.'_ He was thoughtful for a few moments and then guessed it was probably something he couldn't give, or maybe he could. Want to talk? And finally Shuichi smiled and nodded. Tell Tohma I'll be late. He ordered K and took Shindo-kun's hand to help him up. Let's take a walk. He gave another smile to Shuichi and walked away with him.

The young men spend some time talking, more than Ryuichi ever dream to spend with the one who stole his heart with just the first glare, and it made him happy, so happy.

Sakuma-san was more than pleased to know he was able to help his new friend with his trauma, and that he decided to face this new destiny and the new member for Bad Luck. 

Then see you later, take care Shindo-kun. Ryuichi said with a smile and Shindo ran away cheerfully. At least he seems happy now. It was then when sadness took over him; after Shuichi left he also left a hole in his heart. Come back. His eyes got wet immediately and freed tears down his beautiful, but sad, face. I already miss you.

***

Please read and review!


	3. chapter2

**Ryuichi's Love**

Chapter #2: Broken heart

By Kitty-kat =^.^=

There have been several days since the last time Sakuma-san saw the pretty boy with pink hair. Pinkhe happens to love that color, it was Kuma-chan's color too. How much he wanted to see Shuichi. How much he wish to talk to him again, like the day in the park, but it hasn't been possible yet.

Maybe I should really ask Tohmabut I'm not sure. 

Ryuichi dressed up and headed to NG just to see if he was lucky enough to find Shu-chan. Kumagorou came along with him, as always, and he was traveling on top of his head making him look even more adorable than the usual. 

After he got there he started looking for Bad Luck, if they were there, Shu-chan was too. As he looked around, a few people stopped him to say hi and others to ask for his autograph and he happily sign them blushing slightly as he did. Even when he was extremely famous, Ryuichi haven't lost his innocence and down to earth attitude toward his fans.

He waved goodbye and then continued searching, until he saw a familiar face- it was Hiroshi. He smiled and so did Hiro. Is Shuichi around?

Nah, he left alreadysomething about needing to talk to Yuki

Yuki? Yuki Eiri? He asked worriedly.

Yeah, you know him?

Something like thatso, is Shuichi better? He turned chibi with round cute eyes shining sweetly. The other day he wasvery sad.

He got over it. Want to have some coffee with me? Suguro is obsessed with the music, Shuichi is obsessed with Yuki and II just want some coffee and a cigarette.

Obsessed with Yuki?? He tried to control his shock and lower his voice. So, is Shuichi in love with Yuki? Even when the though hurt him; he needed to ask, to know in what position he was.

what a waste. Shuichi is so cuteI want him all for me. He giggled when he saw Ryuichi's frown. It's only a joke, you know.

Ryuichi was mute; that news didn't made him happy. So after Hiro confirmed that Shuichi had feeling for the novelist, he just couldn't hear anything else but his heart beating incessantly. I have to gosee ya Nakano-san! He played with Kumagorou like he was the one talking to Hiro and then ran away acting like a baby just to hide his pain.

_It can't beit's not true, Shu-Shuichi is not in love with that guy! He's not in love with anyone; with anyonehe must love me. I want him to love meplease love me Shu-chanplease.'_

While he ran down the hallways, his tears begin to roll down endlessly and wasn't able to control them. Ryuichi Sakuma was, once again, broken- shattered.

_Why can't I find love? Why nobody loves me? Why is it so hard to love the man in me?'_

He fell down when he bumped into someone and tried to clean his tears before looking up to the face that had his eye nailed on him surely questioning the reason for him to be running like that. When he lifted his face up, a smile waited.

He felt the warmness on his cheeks- he was embarrassed to be seen crying.

What's wrong Ryuichi? Did someone stole your Kumagorou, or did someone steal your crayons? Don't worry; I'll get you new ones.

Ryuichi tried to play along and smiled. Would you, would you buy me new crayons?

And a notebook? I want to draw prettiness.

He chuckled and Ryu nodded. you're so adorable. And then he walked with him to his office. He sweatdropped when he noticed Ryuichi was now on the floor playing with Kuma-chan and the one stepping in front of him was the doll and not Ryuichi. Ryuichi, will you stop playing for a moment?

Ryuichi is not here; he went to the market to buy me some carrots. He replied with Kuma-chan's voice.

Will you ever stop avoiding things with your doll? What really happened?

Kumagorou got lost and Ryu-chan got upsetbut he found me later. Silence surrounded them for a few minutes until he decides to tell. he found out he already has someone else.

Who? Who has someone else?

Doesn't matterRyu-chan came too late into his life- He's already taken.

So, Kuma, do you think Ryuichi will be ok? Would he talk it out with me?

No he won't talk

Would he be alright?

Kumagorou is tired, bye, bye!

After Kumagorou's last words, the door opened slowly and then closed again. 

***

It was only obvious what would happen, Ryuichi will try to forget about him. He always forgets about the ones he fell for- none ever corresponded him. The first time his heart was broken he shielded himself with his boyish personality and had continue to do so through the years to the extreme of almost forgetting what he was like before getting hurt. After that incident he adopted Kumagorou. His precious doll was a gift, a gift he treasured with all his heart. A friend gave it to him, an old friend he had in his teen years- the friend died and the only memory he had was this doll he once gave him.

do you think that at my age I could still find love? Maybe I'm just fooling myself.

Ryuichi jumped to his bed and turn on the TV changing from channel to channel without stopping to actually see anything, until an anime showed up.

You want to see Kuma? Those animated shows are very cutelook that boy looks just like Shu-chan.

His eyes turned sad with only the though of the pink haired boy. The thorn Hiroshi's words nail through his heart was too recent and it was bleeding strongly.

love me; love me like I love you. I don't know how or why, but I love you.

He kept watching the show and suddenly heard the main character say: You have to fight for what you want. Things won't come to you, you must go to them.

It got through him, so he immediately sat up smiling. That's right! I must go to him. I must go find Shu-chan! ThenI'll make him see me and love me. He doesn't know I love him; he doesn't even know me enough to love meI'm just a fool for giving up so soon. 

He quickly ran off to take a bath and dress up nicely and sexily to go seduce and flirt with the boy. Sakuma stepped in front of the mirror and smiled. Beware Eiri Yuki, here comes Ryuichi sakuma. ^_~ And then he wink to his reflection.

***

That's it for now! Don't forget to review!

Thanks for the reviews so far and must of all for the suggestions! ARIGATO!


	4. chapter 3

Ryuichi's Love

By Kitty-kat =^.^=

Chapter 3

It was a beautiful afternoon, the birds were singing, the wind was fresh and blowing softly against the brunette's hair while he drove away smiling. He was going to look for his precious one, when he remembered one little detail- he had no idea where he was. He stopped the car suddenly and begins to yell in frustration. I'm a moron! Kumagorou; why didn't you tell me?! He started crying desperately thinking on what to do. I have to see you Shu-chan.

Then, he smiled again. Ahh! Ha, ha, ha, ha! I know! Ryuichi quickly looked for his cellular phone and dial his dear friend Tohma.

The blonde saw the number on the screen and answered with smile. Ryu-kun, what's up? You left something in my office?

He said seriously. Can you give me Shindo Shuichi's phone number? I need to contact him.

What for? And why are you so serious? It's not like the Sakuma I know.

Just give me the number Seguchi.

Tohma was surprised and since his friend seemed so serious about it, he gave the number away but warned him something before hanging. He's with Eiri now, you shouldn't call.

I'm old enough to know what to do, don't you think? But thanks for the advice. He then turns chibi and all smiles. I love you Tohma!! Arigato!!!!

Tohma smiled and close the communication. I knew he couldn't be serious.

~*~

After long minutes of thinking he decided to call. It was pretty late already, but not late enough to stop him from calling- so he dialed.

Shuichi was talking and talking and talking to a quiet Yuki when the phone rang and he smiled to the fact that someone remembered him. 

Shu-chan, is that you? He asked cheerfully.

Who is this? He asked a little confused- if he wasn't wrong that voice was 

So you do recognize me! He was extremely happy about that little detail. The boy knew him enough o recognize his voice- even on the phone! So, what are you doing now? Can we meet somewhere?

Meet? You and I? He couldn't believe it.

Yes, you and I. I want us to be friends, can we?

Shuichi's face glowed with emotion and his eyes glittered with excitement. His all time hero was asking HIM to be his friend, him and no one else. It was a dream- a dream. He was speechless for a second. Yes! I want us to be friends, I want so much to be your friend, and it was my dream. My entire life dream!

You're making me feel old. 

Oh, sorry Sakuma-san. I didn't mean it that way. I don't think you're old. So, where you want us to meet?

Where are you- I'll pick you up.

I'm at Eiri Yuki's apartment. Do you know him? Do you know where he lives?

I do know him, but don't know where he lives. Just give me the address.

He did as Sakuma requested and give Yuki's address to the singer, and after hanging up the phone he started searching for something to wear very enthusiastically.

You're leaving? The cold voice asked while he lifted a brow and glare over his computer.

I'm going to see Sakuma-san! He wants to be my friend, can you believe it? MY FRIEND!! He jumped cheerfully all over the place while Yuki only stare annoyed with his usual upbeat personality. 

I won't be waiting. He coldly replied and the boy stopped jumping.

Are you jealous Yuki?

Please. Why should I be jealous? I really do not care. You can go out with the devil if please.

His eyes turned sad and then he jumped on the blonde's lap. I know you'll miss me Yuki, so don't be so cold to me. Yuki is jealous and won't accept it – isn't it Yuki. *rub, rub* You're jealous because Sakuma-san is very gorgeous and I like him, ke, ke, ke.

Get out and let go of me! Stupid brat! How dare you jump into conclusions, just because we slept together a few times means something? Don't think so high of yourself.

His eyes tear with the pain the words of the writer cause him, and then he ran out of the apartment to meet with Ryuichi.

~*~

Sakuma turned around here and there and end up in circles until he finally found his way and get to Yuki's apartment but only to find a crying Shuichi. He cried when he saw the tears in his beloved's eyes and then quickly got out of the car to take care of him. What happened?

It doesn't matter.

Yes it does; that's why you're crying. Come on, let's go. Tell me what's wrong. He lead the pink haired boy to his car and helped him seat comfortably, and then they left. You want to go to a quiet place? I mean, so we can talk and all. You look so sad.

Is Yuki. Sometimes he's so gentle and some others he's justso cruel.

Was this my fault? he asked shyly.

NO! Well, he got upset about me going out with you, but he told me he didn't care, but I know he does. He just won't accept it. Sometimes I think he's just using mejust don't know for what.

Shuichi's cheeks turned into a high pink shade and the shook his head. No, he says I'm a bad lover, so it can't be that.

He says that? How can he say that? Shuichi shrugged. If I were himI would never hurt you. His hands reached to the pink cheeks of the younger one to caress it softly. Shuichi let him hold his face since it felt so lovely and sweet, especially coming from someone like him.

I never though you were so sweet. You're always like an overgrown kid.

Sakuma laughed childishly and then hugged Shuichi. I know, but I can be sweet and serious too.

And also the coolest! Shuichi smiled. You are the best Sakuma-san.

Just call me Ryuichi. A lovely smile was shared between them and then they headed to an ice cream shop to enjoy some time together without thinking about bad things- only to be happy.

They entered a small shop and started looking at the multiple flavors they had. Both had their eyes shining with excitement and desire for the taste of the delicious looking desert. Shuichi wanted all the flavors and Ryuichi wanted the entire flavors twice, so they end up ordering a huge bowl with most of the flavors available for both of them.

Shuichi exclaim with a smile. Both sat on a table with their spoons in hands and dig in. Yum, yum, taste this one, is awesome! Shuichi extended his spoon to give Ryu-kun a taste of the strawberry ice cream he already tasted and Ryuichi happily accepted it into his mouth. Good, isn't it?

Uh hum. He nodded. Very good, taste this one! He also feed Shuichi with his spoon.

Yum! What is it, chocolate?

Rocky Road! 

The two singers spend a long time eating and feeding each other and end up completely messed up. Their faces were filled with colors and very sticky and even their clothes were dirty.

Look at you! Ryuichi laughed while pointing at Shuichi's face.

What about you? You look like a clown! Ryuichi smiled and started acting like a clown. The younger boy almost pees on his pants for laughing so much with Ryu-kun's craziness and then he joined the guy on his act.

The seller was watching them amused by their personalities and couldn't stop laughing and clapping for the funny act. Even Kumagorou took part of the show and in a few minutes the place was packed with people just to see them perform.

The owner of the shop was happy because thanks to them the place sell a lot of ice creams that day and he enjoyed the work more than ever. 

Hey, Shu-chan, if we fail as singers, we have a career in the circus world. ^_~

We sure do! The two boys' bow to the audience and then took off quickly before the people started following them. It's a good thing they didn't recognize us- well, you, he, he.

Maybe they did.

It was already dark when they reached Ryuichi's car. The place was quiet, the sky was starry and the moon was glowing beautifully. The two singers sat on the top of the car and lay back to glare at the sky since it was so beautiful. The breeze was softly blowing against their hair moving it slowly to the sides. The older man rolled to the side so he could look at his dear Shu-chan's face and then nervously started reaching out for it. His fingers trembled slightly when he reached the small face beside him and the pink haired boy looked to the side when he felt the warmness against his cheek and smiled to him.

you are so beautiful.

Shuichi's cheek gave shades of pink all over but he didn't reply at all; he only stares back to the older man beside him. Their eyes never lose contact and Ryuichi got closer to him a little nervous to be rejected, but Shuichi waited and after their faces were closer than before he lift his hand to also hold the other man's face.

You are very beautiful too Ryu-kun.

For the first time in a long time Sakuma felt really happy, not just imaginary happy, and replied the young man's words with a smile. Moments later their bodies cuddle together in the darkness of the night.

Nittle Grasper's lead singer was shivering with excitement in his heart. Someone was near him; someone he loved was near him and holding him back. His lips were quivering, desiring the touch of the soft lips before him. He lean down slowly and whispered to his ears. I want you to love me. The boy looked up to his face a little surprised but didn't seem upset about the words he heard. There was a gleam in his eyes telling Ryuichi he wanted be loved too. 

Those glitters gave courage to the brunette and finally lean down and pressed his lips with Shuichi's.

_A dream comes true_. Ryuichi though while his heart raced rapidly with joy and love.

**

Please review! =^.^=


	5. Chapter 4

**Ryuichi's Love**

By Kitti-Kat =^.^=

Everything seemed perfect, magical and beautiful. His dream came true, the lips of the young singer belong to him, at least for once, but he got the chance to taste them. Ryuichi though he had to take all chances, so he pressed the slim body of Shuichi closer to his and to his surprise and happiness the boy didn't pulled back, on the contrary, he wrapped his arms around him and continue to elaborate their kiss. The brunette shivered with the soft touch he felt on his back of running fingers traveling south. His heart pumped so fast with excitement that it caused his breathing to flutter making him end the kiss for brief moments to catch his breath.

Unfortunately that break, really break the moment. Shuichi moved farther from Ryuichi's arms and started blushing with embarrassment. I'm sorry Ryu-kun. I-I-I

No, it's ok. I was the one to start it. I wanted it more than anything. II love you Shu-chan.

Purple eyes grew wider and wider in surprise and even end up with covering hands over his cute mouth. Ryuichi II'm sorry, but I love Yuki. The young man sat up with a sad look on his face; he wanted to be friends with his idol, but he didn't want to hurt him or Yuki. I am flattered, really, butI really want to try things with Yuki.

I see The bluish reflected on his eyes blurred with imprudent tears that suddenly appeared in his eyes and rolled down his face continuously. But, what if things don't work out with him? Can I have a chance?

I don't know. I don't want to make promises based on a failure with Yuki, because I will put all my efforts for it to work out. I won't think of failure when I want success, soI'm sorry Ryu. But I really wish to be only your friend, if that's possible.

I guess we can be friends, butcan I ask you for a favor then? Shuichi looked up to Sakuma's face and nodded. Don't push me away; give me a chance to try and show you the way I feel. Don't say no right away, let me show you the wonders of love and thenmake your choice.

But Ryu, I can't go out with you and be with Yuki at the same time! It's not fair to neither of you and I don't want to do that.

I'm not asking you to cheat on him, justto give me a chance. I'm asking you not to close the doors of your heart to Yuki only, but to consider the fact that he is not the only one that can love you and make you happy. I accept being your friend for now, but I'm not giving up on you yet. Shuichi was thoughtful for a few moments and Ryuichi could only add a few more words to his speech. I only wanted to make that clear. I won't try to get between you and Yuki, but I won't stand by the side with my arm cross either.

Ok. But you promised not to cause me trouble with Yuki, ok?

Hey, if you have problems with him it won't be my fault. _That would be more like Yuki's fault. He's so hard to understand. That Yuki is always hurting the people I love, first Tohma and nowmy Shui.'_

Can you take me back?

Sure. You're not angry at me, are you?

No, but I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.

I'm ok. He smiled and turned chibi. I always have my Kuma-chan to give me company! The pink plush was now on his hands being agitated in the air while he screamed a bunch of non sense to Shuichi and the young man could only laugh with the silly things Ryuichi was saying.

You're so funny, Ryu-kun.

After a few more crazy parodies of Ryu and Kuma, he turned serious again and stared at Shuichi's face. That's how I want to see you, smiling. I am glad that at least I make you smile. The brunette smiled again with the sweetest look on his eyes and then he quickly jumped off the car. (SD) Let's go then!!

~*~

Silent steps were heard on the big apartment; he knew Yuki should've been sleeping by now and he didn't want to wake him and upset him again. With the same silence he changed into more comfortable clothes, green shorts and white tank top, and sneaked into Yuki's bed. Night Yuki. He whispered sadly knowing things between them were bad, but, what was worst, they were always bad. _maybe if you had come sooner into my lifefunny, I used to love you. You were my biggest dream and now it's you that wants me- how ironic.'_

Bad Luck's singer fell deeply into sleep until he fell off the bed. Ouch! How did I fell?

I pushed you. Get out of my room. I didn't invite you over.

But Yuki

Why Yuki? Why are you like this? Sometimes you kiss me and love me and others you just

If you don't like it then you are free to go. I wasn't the one to invite you over anyway. You moved here without even asking.

That's because I want to be near you Yuki.

Liar. Get out!

Shuichi ran outside the room with his purple eyes drown in tears. Yuki always hurt him, but he was also able to love him so intensely that Shindo couldn't let go. I wish I can understand you better. I wish I knew everything about you, but you never tell me anything. He let himself fall into the couch carelessly and with tears in his eyes he fell deeply asleep.

~*~

In his room Sakuma-san revived the moment of his glory, the kiss. He liked it, and that is positive for me. His lips couldn't stop smiling; even when Shuichi rejected him, he felt deep in his heart he had a chance. After all, he was now aware of the fact that he wasn't completely indifferent to Shuichi, which meant he was still part of the game. Good night Shu-chan; I hope you dream about me too.

This time he didn't felt so sad, Shindo-kun didn't close his heart entirely to his love, even if it wasn't very clear, he did left the door of his heart a little bit open.

~*~

It was morning already; all the members of Bad Luck were waiting on the studio along with Sakano for Shuichi to appear. Bad Luck was invited to a festival and they had a lot of work to do, but Shuichi was no show.

I wonder if he's ok. Suguru frowned.

He'll be here. He's probably helping some old lady to cross the streets or something like that. Hiro sat down calmly while crossing his legs. He's always late, so chill.

He's an irresponsible, immature and hysterical boy.

You are calling Shuichi hysterical? You? I wonder who is much altered right nowI bet is not Shuichi.

You mean me!!! Sakano yelled while biting his nails.

Besides you; you are a lost case.

I am a lost case!! I am a lost case!! AHHHHHH! I'm gonna jump off the roof!

Suguru, are you related to Sakano-san? Hiro smirked.

YOUUUU!!! This friend of yours better come soon or else

The door was opened at the same instance Suguru started threatening. Or else what? A pink hair, sad face and very skinny body walked in. I don't care about anything.

What Yuki did to you this time? Hiro asked, knowing perfectly well why Shuichi's mood changed so easily.

He thinks I'm cheating on him. Shuichi said while he turned into rubber and melted on the floor.

Sakano and Suguro yelled and Sakano almost faint.

Cheating? Why would he think you're cheating on him? Once again his dear friend asked calmly.

The rubber, that was actually Shuichi, changed form turning into a ball and then begins to rock side to side. All stare waiting for Shindo to finally answer, but he kept rocking and rocking. They waited for a while until Shuichi turned into himself again and with a crying face yelled his truth. Because I did!! BUWAAAAA!! He cried like a baby.

(ALL) YOU DID!!!! O__O Sakono passed out, Suguro was shocked and Hiro stared confused.

Can you explain that better? Hiro just couldn't believe it.

Last night Sakuma-san asked me out on a date, I didn't know it was a date until after, but wellYuki now thinks I'm a player.

you mean Sakuma-san, THE Sakuma-san asked you on a date? Shuichi nodded. That meansyou are the luckiest guy on Earth!

All looked to Hiroshi's face confused, even Sakano waked up from his sleep'.

Hiro smiled. Yes, do you know how long was since Ryuichi Sakuma asked someone on a date? And you were the lucky one!

I'm serious Hiro!!! Shuichi yelled hysterical, wasn't his friend helping him like always?

I am too. Come on Shuichi, you know how much you wanted this. If now were a year ago, you wouldn't be crying over Yuki but drooling all over the place.

BUT THIS IS NOW! And my NOW is YUKIIIIIIII!!! Shuichi kept crying rivers of tears that flowed down his eyes.

Ok, calm down. Did something happen? Shuichi didn't answer.

~*~

Ryuichi ran to him and hugged him. *Wide smile*

I can see you are happy today, did something special happened? He eyed him suspiciously.

Not really, butI am happy anyway.

Tohma knew what happened, Yuki had already informed him about the facts' of Shuichi's infidelity and now Tohma was on his way of investigation. He loved Ryuichi dearly, but Eiri was the one he loved the most in the world. So, you went out with Shindo-kun last night, didn't you? Tohma smiled to Ryuichi trying to make him feel comfortable, Ryuichi nodded with his cheeks in bright pink. I see, anddid something happen between you two? I mean, since you are so happy and all.

he told me he loves Yuki, but stillI won't give up on him yet.

Tohma didn't like the remark. Look Ryu-kun, you know I appreciate you, don't you? He nodded. Then let me say this once to make it easier. Don't get between Yuki and Shindo-kun; if someone hurts Eiri that someone is messing with me. I don't want our friendship to end, especially like that.

I won't do anything Shu-chan don't approve, if he loves Yuki he won't accept me, butif his heart changes I'll be the first one in line. There's nothing you can do if Shuichi stops loving Eiri. If he does that's because Yuki doesn't deserve someone like Shu-chan.

Ryuichi, don't you ever say something like that or else

Nittle Grasper will end again, right? It's always Yuki's fault. He is always before anyone for you, but you can't see one thing Tohma, you are not first for him and that is your problem. You prefer to lose everything before losing someone who doesn't appreciate you at all.

Tohma's heart was filled with anger; he hated what Ryuichi said. He knew it was true, that was why he hated it. His anger was so intense that his hand ends up slamming against Ryuchi's face. Don't you dare to talk to me like that again, understand?

Sakuma-san was shocked; he never expect for Tohma to react so rudely. It's been so long since he wanted to say those words to his friend, years back when they first broke up. Back then it was just the same, Nittle Grasper broke up because of Tohma's obsession with Eiri. I don't regret saying it; it's only the truth, but if you can't handle the truth, then nothing is change. I was hoping things could work between us, we are adults now, but I can see I was wrong. Goodbye Tohma. Ryuchi ran out devastated; Tohma always chose Eiri before him and now it was just the same.

Now on his room he lay flat on the floor staring at nothing but the ceiling. Once again Tohma, you just make me feel the same way as before when you pushed my love away because of Yuki. Yukiyou're always between me and my loved ones. Why?

There was silence in his room for a brief moment. 

It still hurts; this scar is still open in my heart. I never really forgive you and now that I'm back I realize all this feelings were buried inside, but with much resentment. Tears fell down his face again. It's been so long since Tohma rejected him and chose Yuki over him and Nittle Grasper. I won't give up this time Tohma, there is no way I will keep giving up on love. I will fight until the end and only then I'll decide to stay or run away one more time. Shuichihe's more than I ever dream of and I will have him. He'll love me, even if I hurt you or Yuki. If you didn't care about me then, why should I care about you now? Ryuichi closed his eyes trying to calm down the bad feelings and to forgive Tohma once again.

~*~

Don't forget to review! =^.^=


	6. Chapter 5

Ryuichi's Love

Chapter 5: Forgivenes?

By Kitty-Kat

Long hours passed since Ryuichi's visit to Tohma. Now the blonde was locked up in his office with the lights out thinking. He avoided everyone for the last four hours; he felt trapped again, trapped between two friends- one his best friend and eternal love, and the other also a close friend, ex-lover and lead singer of his precious band Nittle Grasper. 

I must apologize. Finally he stood up from the black leather seat and slid into his black furry long jacket. I must find a way for all of us to get along.

~*~

Outside NG Hiro and Shuichi had their conversation about Shindo's betrayal to Yuki.

I still think you're exaggerating Shuichi, but if you feel so bad, then tell Yuki what happened.

What if he hates me even more?

I think we've been through this enough already. You must stop crying and go solve things with Yuki, being here won't solve anything.

You're right! I'm wasting time!!! He jumped off the bench and started screaming like a maniac. Arigato Hiro!!! Then he ran away determined to go talk to his dear lover.

Hiro smiled while he watched him ran away and then it seemed like a shadow of sadness covered his profile. I guess this is the way it is.

~.~.~

Once inside the apartment the lead singer of Bad Luck searched for the blonde who was, like always, sitting in front of his computer typing a new novel. Shuichi shyly sat next to him, but the writer ignored his presence, but still he decided to talk to the cold man beside him.

I want to tell you everything that happened; I don't want you to doubt of my affection.

Save it; is not like I care.

But you do, Yuki, that's why you've been so mean to me.

Silence.

I decided to tell you all and won't even leave a single detail- I swear.

He stopped typing and turned to look at Shuichi's face with a blank expression. Why should I trust you? You can easily lie.

You can trust me because I would never lie to you Yuki, besidesI'm a bad liar.

There's no need. I already know what happen.

But you're wrong Yuki, I didn't sleep with Ryu-kun.

you keep calling him so familiarly. (He's obviously jealous.)

He told me to call him Ryuichi, sobut I really don't have a thing with him. Yukiplease believe me.

But you two kissed. Shuichi shut his lips and slowly nodded. So a kiss means nothing to you- I though you told me otherwise, but you are not a liar, huh?

YUKI! Of course a kiss means a lot to me, I don't feel the way you do about kisses. But I won't lie to you, he did kiss me but I told him that I love you.

Love? HUH! He chuckled. How can you love someone you don't even know?

But I do know thingsmaybe not many but they are enough for me to feel the way I do. Maybe you are right, maybe it's not love yet, but I know it will so soon and I don't want to lose it. All I know is that I want to be with you, only with you Yuki. His eyes glittered and reflected his emotions clearly. It was obvious it was true and not a lie, those eyes couldn't lie. 

Why you have to be so cute? _He won.'_ Yuki slowly approached the younger man's face with his strong hands cupping it lovingly with them, and without another word, he sealed their lips together.

~*~

The longhaired guitarist made it to his little apartment and threw himself into the only furniture he had up till now- the bed. I wonder when you're going to mature. He smirked. But you certainly are adorable. *Sighing* Too bad you chose YukiI wonder what you see in him beside his gorgeous features. Oh well, I need a bath and then

He got ready and just like every night he headed out to the nearest bar. There were little people inside, that's why he liked that place, and the music weren't too loud either. It was the perfect place to just chill and enjoy a beer and a cigarette. While he lost his head into dreaming, a taller man slid next to him wearing a smile and a gun that stood on top of his head a second after the other male joined him. 

At first he didn't dare to move and though he was getting robbed or something until he heard the man spoke. Well, well, well, so it's my Bad Luck's favorite member Nakano Hiroshi.

K-san? Why-why are you pointing me with that gun???

He pulled it away and begins to laugh. Chill! You looked scared boy. He chuckled. It's just part of my personality. He smirked. mind if I sit along with you?

Not at all.

Then this round would be my treat. He looked into the brunette's eyes and then winked.

Hiro looked away a little embarrassed but accepted the drink. 

~*~

While Sakuma slept it repeated again; the same traumatic even took place in his mind and tortured his heart. It's been so long, but still he remembered perfectly well and now a dream reminded his heart.

~~~* He entered Tohma's apartment with the key he actually gave him. It was Tohma's birthday and he wanted to make something special to the one he loved, but after he walked inside he heard voices and noises coming from the room. Sakuma felt fear to know, to found something he didn't wanted to know. Who was there with his dear Tohma?

He slowly approached the room and peered through the slightly opened door, it was then when his heart was torn. *~~~

He woke up soaked in sweat. Why am I having this dream again? _Probably because of my conversation with Tohma.'_

He stepped up from his bead walking straight to the kitchen with his doll in hand. After drinking a glass of water, he sat down on the floor thinking about the past.

So many bad memories, first my best friend died, then Tohma, and thenevery single person I've found never really loved me. Now Shu-chan has someone else. Why it has to be him, Eiri Yuki, the same one who stole Tohma from me. Why Yuki again, why?

Apparently he remembered something and started looking inside some boxes until he found an old photo album. The cover was a little ragged but it still had the initials NG written in black. It was dusty and smelly, but the pictures inside were clear in his mind. He opened it and started looking for a particular picture.

He took it out and stared at it for long minutes. No, I don't think he's all that. I'm not even a tiny bit attracted to him- he's scary. Those eyes are like daggers. Sakuma threw the picture to the trash and lay back against the carpet sighing sadly. Everything would've been so different, Tohma, if you had never betrayed me. A lonely tear rolled down his cheek and depression was written all over his face. No one can love Ryuichi Sakuma. I wonder what is wrong about me.

Nothing's wrong. A mellow voice replied and the brunette sat up quickly surprised to hear that voice.

How did you enter?

He winked. I came to apologize.

Forget it. He looked down sadly.

But I over reacted. I didn't mean to hit you. I-I

Ryuichi's expression changed from sad to surprise. That's what you want to apologize for? Then you can leave the same way you came.

Tohma didn't get it. What is it that you want?

I want you to apologize for what really hurt me. I don't care about a slap, but my heart does care about the stab. You never apologized and THAT was the reason why I left. Maybe if you had my heart wouldn't be so hurt. You could at least explain or apologizedyou didn't.

Do you still love me?

He laughed sarcastically. Do you think I can love someone who betrayed me the way you did? No, I don't love you, at least not like I used to. But I do deserve an apology.

I'm sorry.

He smiled. Forget it really. You don't have to say what you don't really mean. HEY but don't worry, I'm not going anywhere so Nittle Grasper is still getting back together. All you care about is safe, so if that was the reason for you to come over, then the door is open- you can go back to your REAL interest.

The blonde could feel the bitterness in his voice and it made him feel so bad. _If I told you the truth, you'll be even more hurt.'_ So he changed the subject. So you are decided, huh? You are actually thinking about steeling Yuki's love?

No, I'm only taking what Shu-chan can give me. If its friendship then it will be it, but if its lovethere is NO WAY I'm letting Yuki have him.

I seebye Ryuichi. See you tomorrow.

Tohma left and Ryuichi looked angry to the door. You don't care. You don't care even a bit about me, do you? You only care for Yuki. You don't even care for what you did to me and your lame apology didn't come from the heart. You should've came Tohma, no matter what you say I won't give up on Shuichi. Even if he never learns to love me, I'll always be there for him.

Ryuichi took a notebook and a pen and started writing some lyrics- he needed to write to express his feelings.

I'll write you a song, Shuichi. He smiled and started writing. 

_iki mo dekinai joukyou shita de wa sugureta ai wo musaboru'_

~*~

Ok, sorry for the delay- I've been so busy. I didn't want to end it here, but my inspiration is gone. -__-


	7. Chapter 6

     Ryuichi's Love
     Chapter 6: The Grasper Magic
     By Kitty-Kat =^.^=
     The week ended and the festival begins, many bands were there, but the special guest was **Nittle Grasper**. Unfortunately, Bad Luck was not the only NG artist invited beside Nittle Grasper, ASK was also there to show off.
     Let's go guys, time to shine. The lead singer of the band brushed his hair sensually and walked away in the usual snobbish way while his band mates followed. 
     While the black haired young man walked down the hallways he spotted Shindo-san and smirked; he couldn't miss a chance to upset the little guy. Oh look, its Ryuichi Sakuma, oh no WAIT, it's his lame imitation, what's his name?
     Excuse me, do I know you? Shuichi replied with a devilish smile.
     And angry vein begin to pop from his forehead. You know perfectly well who I am; I am Aizawa Taki from ASK!
     ASK? Am I supposed to know who you are?
     He was angry because Shuichi was ignoring him and his usual jokes weren't bothering him like always, why? Where did he learn to ignore him??? I'll get ya later. It's my time to sing- watch and learn how is done. He left and Hiro and Shuichi hit their hands together smiling.
     You were great! Hiro assured him. I am glad you've learn to ignore those brats.
     You and Ryuichi helped me with that. You first stood up for me and showed me a little how to handle it, and then Ryuichi give me a few pointers too. He told me that when he started in the business he also had envious guys trying to put him down. He smiled. But of course Ryu-kun handled it; he's so cool!
     You guys have become very good friends huh?
     Shuichi nodded but noticed Hiro's eyes were a little sad.
     Don't get jealous; you're still my number one friend. He nudges Hiroshi on the side and both smile and headed to the stage.
     That's better. Hiro finally declared wearing a victory smile, but suddenly a scream was heard and both jumped with the scared they received.
     The one with screaming voice ran quickly toward them and jumped on top of Shuichi as soon as he reaches him squeezing the younger man tightly.
     Shu-chan I missed you. (SQUEEEEZE)
     Ryu-kun, you're squeezing too hard. I can barely breathe.
     Sakuma giggled but didn't let go.
     Cut it out Ryuichi. Shuichi barely whispered- his face was starting to turn purple and then Hiro reacted.
     Woa, you're really making him lose his breath Sakuma-san. He got purple shades all over his face.
     He let go.
     He begins looking worriedly at the now green face of Shuichi who was panting heavily. OH! I'm sorry Shu-chan. He started fanning him. 
     It's ok Ryuichi. He smiled. So, are you ready for your come back?
     Oh yeah! Kuma and I are very excited. I hope all the Nittle fans still love us.
     Oh, I know they do. I DO! Both stare smiling sweetly.
     Hiro cleared his throat. I do too you know. I am ALSO a Nittle Grasper fan. Jeeze. Shaking his head.
     Arigato Nakano-san! Ryuichi said with a smile and then ran away, but suddenly stopped and returned. *Whispering into the other singer's ear.* Break a leg Shu-chan; I know you'll be better than those ASK guys no da. *wink*
     Thank you Ryu-kun.
     He starts to run away again and then he came back one more time. I almost forgot!!
     _Now what?'_ Hiro mumbled mentally feeling a little left out.
     Here, wear this ring- it will bring you luck. I know you can do it Shuichi, so don't be nervous, ok? I can't go in every time you get all nervous na no da.
     The pink haired boy looked down to his finger where the ring was placed and smiled. Thanks. I'll make you proud.
     I know. Gotta go!! But if you feel nervous look at the ring and think I'm right beside you, because I will be right next to you Shuichi- always with you. Reluctantly he left, but the sweet look on his dear Shuichi's eyes was kept engraved in his heart. 
     ~*~*~*~
     It was bad Luck's turn to play, right after ASK- something that bothered Aizawa BIG TIME, but it was Tohma's order so they had no other choice.
     Shuichi stepped on the stage right in front of the microphone, he then looked over his shoulder and there they were, at one side his dear friend Hiroshi and in the other Suguru. He felt confidence to see Hiro right behind him and yeah, Suguru too- he was alright after all. He then looked to the crowd and started searching for blond hair. 
     Where are you Yuki?'
     The crowd cheered and he felt a little nervous because he couldn't find Yuki, but he knew the people were waiting. The music started but he still couldn't find his beloved novelist and more tremors grew up inside him. Hiro was staring at him with that WHAT THE look on his face. 
     _What am I doing?'_
     He though while clinching his right fist, it was then when he saw the ring his idol gave him. 
     _'_
     He remembered what he said and also remembered the last time he sung in public- when he first met Sakuma-san. 
     _He's right beside me.'_
     He could almost see him standing next to him with his enchanting smile- it gave him strength- so he begin to sing. 
     I'll make you proud.'
     Obieta mezuki de iradatsu omoi uwaki na kaze ni hakisutete
     hibi-wareta rojou ni toketa shigunaru wa kizuato dake nokoshite-iku.
     I'll make you proud. I'll be as good as you. One day-someday- I will.'
     He kept singing and thinking a million things at once. His head wanted to explode with the many thoughts running through his mind at that moment when he was SUPPOSED to be concentrated on his singing- but he wasn't.
     Where are you Yuki? Why you promised if you weren't coming?'
     doko ni mo tomaranai mitasanai Emotion shikato kimete oikose yo 
       

     furueteru shai na seikai no nuke-michi o neratte
       

     tadoritsuku basho e I Want New World.
       

       

     I want you to care for me Yuki, why can't you care for me the way I care for you?
     Sometimes I wish you were more like'
       

       

     Even when he was so distracted thinking and looking for Yuki, he did pretty well. It was obvious he could do better, but considering how emotional this young man was- he did great.
       

     The crowd cheered when they finished and he happily said good night and ran out still looking for Yuki.
       

     Maybe he's backstage with Tohma and that was why I couldn't find him!'
       

     Hey, Shu- Hiro was trying to catch up with him since he ran away so quickly. He's too fast. But couldn't reach him.
       

     So what's up with him? Suguru frowned. He just left us like that- so typical.
       

     He was very distractedI wonder what happened.
       

     Look, Nittle Grasper is next!
       

     Let's go watch! Both ran closer so they could see the show. Shuichi should be here; he's been waiting for this moment for years! Maybe I should go look for him.
       

     Then hurry up or you'll miss it too!
       

     He ran away searching for his best friend and found him sitting on the floor looking at nothing. 
     Shuichi, Nittle Grasper is playing- come on! The pink haired boy nodded and followed the long haired guitarist back to the stage so they could watch together the so waited moment. Great, we haven't lost a thing. He smiled trying to cheer Shuichi; he knew perfectly well he was sad and though maybe watching Nittle Grasper would cheer him up a bit and fortunately it did.
       

     Shuichi had his eyes shining like two bright stars when he saw Sakuma-san singing the way he was, like no one else did. 
       

     Tooku de me o hikarasete mezameru monotachi matte iru
     yoru no jouheki sasowarete utsurisumu mure no nukegara ni
       

     It was like the music suddenly possessed him and took life by transforming into him- it was amazing, indescribable. He was the music; he became music; music loved him; music loved becoming him; he was the face and body of music; music definitely meant Ryuichi Sakuma. _It should be on the dictionary. Music- meaning- Sakuma Ryuichi!'_ Shuichi though while smiling at himself.
       

     Umarekawareru anata yo hitori hohoemanaide hitomi o irodoru
     nozonda sekai ga totsuzen hai ni natte mo kiseki ni mada meguriaeru
       

     *the younger singer whispered.* Just like everyone who laid eyes on Sakuma Ryuichi, he was enchanted by his charms and glorifying voice. He's unreachable He looked down to his finger where he have been rubbing the silver band around it and a though ran through his head. _I have a lucky charm, no, not any lucky charm- Ryuichi's lucky charm! I can't believe Sakuma Ryuichi is my friend- MY FRIEND!'_ He then begins to grin and Hiro smiled to wonderful sight of Shuichi's smile.
       

     That's better.
       

     Shuichi looked up confused. 
       

     You're face; you're smiling.
       

     He blushed. It's the Grasper magic.
       

     I know. The Grasper magicyou haven't said it in years. I guess that means the magic has return. He winked and the pink haired young man blushed.
       

     It's not like thatwell, I don't know.
       

     It is, just look at the stage. The magic has returned. 
       

     Shuichi glance back at the stage and focus his sight on his idol- Ryuichi. When he sees him like that it was like that man was someone else, not the same upbeat guy that was always smiling and playing with his pink plush bunny.
       

     He's amazing.
       

     Todokanu hikari no yukue azayaka ni mau omoi o egakou
     michibiku kotoba ga koborete shimawanu you ni utsuru toki o osorenaide
       

     Hiro studied Shuichi's face, and even when he didn't liked what he was about to say, he did. After all, all he wanted was to see him happy. You should give HIM a chance. I think you two are perfect for each other.
       

     His eyes turned sad and he lowered his head. 
       

     Yuki, I know.
       

     And the sadness returned.
       

     ~*~*~
     The festival was over; all the bands were practically gone but Bad Luck's lead singer was still there sitting sadly on the floor wishing _HE_ had come. 
     (Flashback) *~~~~ _I'll be there_.~~~~*
     Then where were you? He let his head fall on his folded knees and also let his tears escape. where are you?
     The lights went down and only a few footsteps could be hear, it was obvious they were about to close, but Shuichi didn't bother to move and stayed still on his position.
     His sobs were echoing through the now empty hallways catching the attention of a particular young man. He looked to the blonde's face, he was apparently explaining something important, and excused himself for a moment. I'll be back.
     Ryuichi! Where are you going? But he was a goner. Why can't he pay attention Noriko?
     You know himhow about we wait over there (Pointing at some chairs.); I really need to sit down, my heels are killing me.
     I bet they are. Tohma smiled as he looked at the four inches heels of the lady and then walked away, leaving behind their lead singer.
     The brunette followed the cries and end up finding a pink ball of hair stick to two slim and short legs.
     Shu-chan? Shu-chan, is that you? Shuichi didn't move, but knew who it was. What happened? Why are you crying? Did Aizawa bug you again?
     He managed to reply between his sobs.
     Then? Would you tell Ryu?
     The brunette's expression changed to disgust. Yuki didn't come and he promised.
     _That Yuki'_ Maybe something came up.
     More important than me?
     something happen to Mika.
     She was here Ryuichi.
     Ryuichi snickered knowing the boy was right. Well, maybe he felt sick or something. Why don't you ask him yourself?
     I don't want to. I'm tired of trying- I feel like I'm trying too hard and hehe just doesn't care at all.
     Have you told him this, the way you feel?
     No. It's hard to talk to him about this things- he would say I'm annoying. I just don't want to upset him.
     if you want to be on a relationship you have to talk things over. Communication is a very important key to success in a relationship. When one of the partners is not true to the otherit ends.
     Shuichi looked up alarmed- he didn't want it to end. No. I don't want it to end.
     Then talk to him. Maybe you are crying over nothing.
     You know, you are right Ryuichi. Maybe he is on a deadline or something. Thank you! He hugged his dear friend and the older singer almost faint with excitement.
     _Shuichi, hold me forever. Don't let go'_ But the younger male eventually let go of the embrace. Where is Nakano anyway? He left you all alone?
     I told him to go. K and Suguro invite him some place.
     They didn't invite you?
     Yeah, but I refused and K insisted on Hiro, so
     let's go Shu-chan; I'll take you home.
     Thank you. Sakuma offered a hand to help up his beloved Shu-chan and he smiled when he felt the warmth of his hand against his own.
     _So warm and soft; I wish we could always hold hands, just like we are doing right now.'_ He didn't let go after Shuichi was finally up and begin to walk away with a tight grip on the younger man's hand. Shuichi looked down to Sakuma's hand provoking a soft shade of pink to suddenly adorn his cute rounded face, but he didn't let go and smiled at the view of holding hands.
     I wish Yuki held my hand too.'
     ~*~*~*~
     End of Chapter 6!
     Thanks for everyone reviewing. I really appreciate it. =^__^ =
     Here are some answers to your questions:
     Rika-chan, you were the only one to recognize the Predilection song! Well at least the only one that point it out, he he. ^__^ I was so happy- silly, huh? I love that song. (Of course, it's a NG song.)
     For all asking if Ryu and Shu will end up togetherwait and see, I can't just tell you now. :P I'm not even sure what will happen, it all depends on my moods while I write.
     About the genre thing, yeah I changed it- this was supposed to be originally a comedy. It just didn't work out like that. I'm a bad comedian, huh? LOL
     About K and Hiro, we'll see how the story develops. :P And about what Tohma did to Ryu, just wait. People wait I can't just spit it out all at once, can I? =^___^=
     THANK YOU!


	8. Chapter 7

Ryuichi's Love

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter #7: I need someone

He was inside of the apartment- this guy's apartment. _What am I doing here?'_ He looked around, and just as expected; the place was a movie set- more like a World War III movie set, but a movie set. _So many guns'_

Sit down, you look

Nah! I'm fine. I just never saw so many weapons together, it seems strange.

You'll get used to it. He winked and offered a drink to his guest.

What happen to Suguru you say? He sat down after accepting the drink.

He decided to leave, you know, he's still a kid. But I'm glad. He slid right next to Hiro. I only wanted you to come.

*BLUSHED* So it was an excuse to get me here? The tall blond grinned and nodded. You gotta be kidding me! What is it that you want?

Isn't it obvious? He hit their glasses together and smirked. 

***

The night ended, and morning took over. Bad Luck's lead singer opened the door of his lover's apartment and jump on the couch. He sighed and leaned his head down remembering the last hours. _'_ Shindo was exhausted, so he quickly closed his eyelids to start dreaming, but his heart was beating fast. _What is it? Why am I so unease? Is it because of what Yuki will say or is there something else?'_ He kept thinking_. It's probably the nerves to know, nothing more. But I have to admit tonight was special. Ryuichi is amazing, so sweet and gentle with meso different.'_

He started remembering some events.

~ He was sitting on a swing while Ryuichi pushed it so he would go higher and higher, when suddenly it begin to rain.

We have to hide Shu-chan or you'll get the flu!

You too! He jumped from the seat, but the rain was falling strongly already. It's so cold!

Then Ryuichi reached him and took his hand dragging him underneath a large tree so they'll shelter from the rain.

We can wait here till it's gone. 

It all happen so fast he didn't even get the chance to register what was going on. He was trapped inside Ryuichi's arms! He was pressed against the truck of the tree and Ryuichi was covering him with his body to protect him from the falling rain. He could feel Sakuma's heart beating, in fact, he could hear it perfectly and it provoked a wide smile to suddenly appear on his lips. 

_Even his heartbeat has rhythm.' _

He put his arm around Sakuma's waist and felt how the water was running down his back.

RYUICHI! You'll catch a cold yourself! You can't! You can't sing if you get sick.

Don't worry about me; what matter is that you are safe and warm.

His cheeks turn bright pink, just like his hair, and Ryuichi only smile while he looked down to his face. 

Shindo could feel the other singer's breathing caressing softly his face and could smell the freshness of his breath- it was delicious. It felt so good that he buried his face in Sakuma's chest and waited until the rain stopped.

~

Shuichi was smiling while he stared at the ceiling, when suddenly a silhouette clouded his sight and become clearer turning his smile into a worried expression.

So you came back. It's four in the morning; don't tell me you've been singing till now.

He sat up in a quick jump. You're awake

I heard the door- you're so noisy.

But I was careful!

Where you've been? Partying with Nakano?

not really. I was with Sakuma-san.

well, good morning (Sarcastic). He started walking away.

Yuki, wait! He stopped. Shuichi, being the sensible guy he is, begin to weep. Why didn't you go?

I had better things to do.

But you promised! Then why?

I'm going to bed.

NO! Tell me. I was expecting you and you never came, why. Tell me?

You really want to know? He said while he turned around to face him and Shuichi nodded slowly. I don't like Bad Luck's music- its lame. Your lyrics are terrible and you know it, so I decided to stay and write instead of listening to your junk.

He was devastated; he never though THAT was the reason. It's a lie. Tell me it's a lie.

You can't even accept your own failures- pathetic. Then he walked out leaving a torn Shuichi sobbing on the couch.

His arms trembled while he hugged himself and then he called once again to his beloved wishing it was only a joke. But he was ignored and left with his tears.

***

It was another lonely morning, even when he was just getting in bed, in his silent apartment. A sigh was the only sound heard through the almost empty walls. No one's home Kumagoroulike always. He took a bath and went to bed without really wanting to, all he wanted was to think of the hours before. He smiled. Your presence feels so goodtoo bad you're not here now. He shut his eyes to make a wish. I wish you were here, Shuichi. But deep down he knew it was just a dream. If I open my eyes, will you be there? I don't want to open them and see you're not here.

A loud noise echoed through the apartment, it was a knock, an insistent knock.

Huh? Kumagorou are you feeling sick? Did you fart? But the knock was heard again. It's the door! He sat up quickly. Someone's here to see me? In less than a second he was at the door greeting his guest. Welcome, na no da, to the Sakuma playground! He cheerfully yelled while he smiled, but when he saw the sad face in front of him his expression changed. What's wrong na no da?! And the body slumped into his arms. _If this was the only way for me to see youthen I don't want to see you at all. I want you to smile not cry. Shuichi, how can I make you happy?'_

Can I come in? The pink haired boy whispered between sobs.

Of course na no da! Feel at home. He then closed the door behind them. I'll make you some tea.

No. Justlet me stay here for a while, please?

You can stay forever if you want. Gently he lifted the young man's face and washed the tears away. I am please to have you here, but would be happier if you wear a smile. Now, would you tell me what happen?

Shuichi nodded and cleaned his face again with the back of his hand. I know why he didn't show up.

***

The sunlight came through an open window shining directly into the young man's eyes and it provoked him to wake up from his deep dream. He yawned and then opened his eyes slowly trying to focus. Where am I? He looked around without remembering much, but when he saw a gun on the carpet he remembered where he was. 

You were calling me? The blonde peered through the door wearing a smile and a cute blue apron- apparently he was cooking some breakfast. I though you'll sleep till late.

Why am I still here?

You meanyou don't remember?? He covered his mouth with a hand looking VERY surprised. How can that be, after all we did last night!

WHAAAAT???????? What EXACTLY happened last night??? Was I drunk?

Well, technically

Wait a minuteyou didn't raped me, do you?

Then K begins to laugh like crazy.

Did I say something funny? Hiro snickered feeling stupid.

You think I raped you? He laughed some more.

Silly huh? I justgot the impression you liked me or something. Sorry.

Oh, but I DO like you. That doesn't mean I'm going to take advantage of the situation.

Then what happened?

K smiled mischievously. You have to find out on your own.

The blonde left the room again and go straight to the kitchen. Aren't you answering?

From the kitchen a chuckled was heard.

I guess that means no. Hiroshi whispered silently, but then he heard a no' yelled from outside and another chuckle. Wow, he got incredible hearing! The guitarist smiled and lay back. _Well at least my ass doesn't hurt.'_ He closed his eyes softly, but then another though ran through his mind. OH MY GOD! Did I rape you????

Even a louder chuckle came from the kitchen and Hiro felt even sillier than before. 

_Now he may ACTUALLY think I want to sleep with himor do I?'_ He was thoughtful for a moment. 

***

That baka is gone again. He sighed and sat on his computer. _Why he has to spend so much time with Sakuma-san?'_ He kept writing. Not good. My muse is gone. I don't think this book is coming out right. Its Shuichi's fault- he's always annoying and loud. I better get out of here for a few days or I'll never finish this. He chuckled. Now I'm talking to myself?

Hours passed. He looked at his watch and then looked at the door. _Still gone. Maybe I hurt him for real. He's too sensible. Everything it's a drama for him. He exaggerates. It's not like his music is that good. It was just an excuse...a hurtful excuse. Maybe I'm too hard on him' _He sighed and stopped writing, and then placed his hands on his face in frustration. I'm sorry.

***

Purple eyes were revealed, only to found blue ones observing back intensely. He blushed. What are you doing here?

Sakuma looked at him thoughtful and started wondering if he knew where he was at all. What am I doing here? WellI moved here a while ago, soI can be here na no da. He gave a mocking smile to the young singer since he was still out of it. This is my apartment na no da!

His cheeks turned even redder. I forgotI'm sorry.

You know, I was starting to get worried; you slept for hours!

What time is it?

It doesn't matter, do you feel better? Tenderly, he caressed the sweet face that was still laid against his big white pillow and smiled to the view of his beloved Shu-chan.

Sakuma's smile was gentle and his hands felt very warm against Shuichi's skin provoking the young singer to smile and nod vigorously.

I'm glad Shu-chan. You can stay as long as you please, ok?

I think I'll stay for a few days thenif you don't mind that is.

NOT AT ALL! It would be He grabbed the pink bunny and agitated it happily. You heard that Kuma-chan? We'll have a guest; it would be like a slumber party! He ran around jumping and picking up some of the clothes he had around the room. Lets clean up a bit, or he'll think we're slumps!

The pink haired boy smiled and then started helping. It's not that dirty you know, but I though you had more decoration. The walls are empty!

Well, as you can see most of my belongings are still in boxes. I haven't got time to organize it, besidesI'm not sure if I'll stay here or buy a house. What you think Shu-chan? Do you like it here?

It's perfect Ryuichi; it only needs decoration like I said before.

Would you help me decorate? It would be fun! That way you'll be distracted too!

Sounds good to me, yeah, that way I won't feel so bad for intruding here.

You're not intruding. For me is wonderful to have someone with me; it gets lonely at nights, you know? Ryuichi ran outside the room since he knew he was starting to feel sad and he obviously wanted to hide his pain, but even when he escape from showing his real face, Shuichi noticed the sadness in his voice.

_you feel lonely?'_ He shook his head and smile thinking it was ridiculous, how can someone like Sakuma Ryuichi feel lonely? He had it all and everyone loved him! How can someone famous, sweet and good looking be alone? It was impossible. _He probably has lovers.'_

***

Tohma was reading the news, the show biz session, checking the reviews on the festival and, of course, about Nittle Grasper and the other NG artists performance.

not bad.

What's not bad honey? Mika sat next to him and caressed his back gently.

The reviews, but I know Shindo-san can do better. His performance wasempty. He was singing the right notes, but he wasn't enjoying it. He was singing more like

I wonder what happen to him. Do you think it was because Eiri-sama wasn't there? Tohma nodded. I'm going to call him. Eiri always do what he pleases! He's a spoil child and that is YOUR fault Tohma.

Mine? I'm not his father. He smiled knowing how much he had spoiled Eiri all his life. I guess I did spoil him some, buthe needed attention. Now, how about dinner?

Ok. Will Noriko come too?

Let's call her and see.

***

The blonde looked at his watch for the hundred times and sighed in desperation. After a warm bath, he took the phone and dials a friend. Can you give me Sakuma's address?

What for? The gentle voice answered on the other side.

Just do it.

Is about Shindo-san, isn't it? Yuki didn't answer, but Tohma knew better than to ask more. After he hung up, he quickly dial Ryuichi to find out what was going on. Like always, Tohma wanted to be IN CONTROL. 

Tohma!! I can't believe you called me! Don't tell me, we have some photo session or something.

No, actually I wanted to ask you a question.

Then he heard female voices from afar and could have sworn Noriko was there with Tohma. Is Noriko with you?

Yes. We're having dinner right now, why?

No, nothing. I though I heard her. So what was your question?

Ryuichi! Hurry up! Kumagorou is getting bored, and me too! Shuichi yelled from the floor where he was sitting next to Kumagorou since they were playing cards. Who is it?

Never mind. The voice on the phone replied. I can see you're busy right now.

Oh yeah, Shu-chan and I are playing cards, what to come?

No thanks have fun. He hung up; all he wanted to know was answered. Shuichi and Eiri had a fight- AGAIN.

That was weird. He quickly sat down again and took his cards. My turn! But Shuichi noticed something was wrong.

Who was that? You look upset.

It was Tohma, but I'm not upset.

Then why your eyes seem sad?

It's just

Tohma, Mika and Noriko were having dinner.

They didn't invite Ryuichi. _I guess they don't see me as a friend anymore. MaybeNittle Grasper is really over. It was over a long time ago- I shouldn't have returned. ButI met Shuichi.'_ He then smiled. I'm ok! You are my friend, right?

_He feels left out! RyuichiRyuichi is really a lonely man! It can't be! Ryuichi's lonely? He can't be lonely, can he?'_ Shuichi search for an answer inside the blue eyes before him, but he couldn't see anything. _Does he hide it? I must be making wrong conclusions.'_

***

_I wonder what actually happen. Maybe he's just mocking me. Yeah, that's it!'_ He sat down on his bed to brush the long locks of hair before going out. _Should I go?'_ Then he finished dressing up and headed out. _Maybe I shouldn't- he's my manager. Well, it's not like we're going out, right? Then why does it feel that way?'_

After a long ride on his motorcycle he reached the place and parked his vehicle. I need to brush again. Look at my hair! He sighed. I'm worrying too much- its K! 

He was standing right in front of the entrance, but then decided to leave. 

This is wrong; I better go.

When he turned around a gun was right between his eyes.

Where do you think you're going? Tsk tsk. You don't run away from me.

I was just going to my motorcycle- I think I left the keys on.

And what is that on your left pocket?

He snickered knowing he couldn't fool K. Fine- I was running away.

Turn around! Get in!

Alright, alright.

The blonde smiled and guided him in. (He was still pointing the guitarist with his huge gun).

So, you figured it out smart guy? The taller man asked after they seated on a stool.

Yeah. You're just mocking me.

How can you be so sure?

Because I am! You're always fooling around with that gun of yours, so you're probably doing the same.

You meanYOU THINK MY GUN IS A JOKE????? He yelled hysterical. I'll show you how serious I am! K turned around and took out a machine gun and started shooting to the ceiling like a maniac. AHH HAHAHAHA! Now who's joking?

Everyone started yelling and running away from the place, and then K noticed Hiro was gone too. Huh? Hiro? Hiro? HIRO!!!

***

After lots of playing and dinner the two singers were ready for bed.

Can I wear your pajamas? I have nothing to wear. He asked shyly to the older man.

Of course Shu-chan! I'll get you clean ones.

Shuichi bath, changed and snuggled on Ryuichi's bed right next to Kumagorou (Who was also wearing pajamas) and waited for him to come, but time passed and he didn't returned.

Where is he? Ryuichi! Ryuichi, where are you? Aren't you coming to bed? Since he didn't answer he walked outside, still calling on him. Ryuichi, where are you? When he stepped on the living room he saw Ryuichi at the door arguing with a tall blonde man.

***

That's it for now! R+R!! =^.^= MEOW! (That means thanks)


	9. Chapter 8

**Ryuichi's Love**

Kitty-kat =^.^=

Chapter #8: Never Again

"I'll find you."

***

They stared. The cold hazel eyes glare disgust to the young singer wearing pink pajamas- some other guy's pajamas.

"I can see I interrupt. My mistake, sorry." He turned around and starts walking away indifferently, but deep down he was VERY upset.

Ryuichi was silent looking at Shuichi's terrified face and the watery eyes. The young singer was paralyzed without knowing what to do or say.

"Go Shu-chan, don't just stand there." Sakuma encouraged him even when his heart ached.

"Hai." The pink haired boy ran quickly after his lover, leaving a sad Ryuichi in front of an empty apartment.

He turned around and look inside finding himself alone again. "It's awful."

***

"YUKI! YUKI WAIT!" He reached him at the elevator. "It's not what you think. Ryuichi let me stay because I didn't wanted to go back…because…because you don't like me." He looked down sadly remembering the event that hurt him so bad.

"How generous of him. If you want to stay it's fine. I'm happy. I don't have to worry about a brat like you anymore."

"Yuki…" His eyes turned blurry and there was immense sadness hidden inside his purple gaze. He did it again, another stab straight through the heart. "I… I want to be with you Yuki, but it seems like I'm in the middle all the time."

"And you are." He finally turned around to face him. "Why do you have to run to him every time we argue?"

"Because he is my friend."

"So is Nakano, why don't you go to him then?"

"He wasn't home. I called him but he never answered so…"

"So Ryuichi was available, how convenient."

"Yuki, why do you point at me when it was your fault for me to run away? You always try to blame me for everything. I-I only want to make you happy but nothing seems good enough for you." A lonely tear rolled down his face while he looked down painfully. "I'll do anything you want Yuki, please?"

There was silence for a few seconds. A few seconds that seem eternal to Shindo-san. Yuki was observing him, analyzing with his weird thoughts what decision to make. Then he finally responded.

"Take off those stupid pajamas and let's go."

"H-Hai!" He ran back to Ryuichi's apartment and shyly entered. "Ryu…Ryuichi?" He walked to the bedroom and found him inside the bed hugging Kumagorou and with his eyes closed, but Shindo knew he was awake. "I'm going home with Yuki. I'm sorry…I know we made plans and all, but…maybe we can decorate anyway."

"Its ok Shuichi, you go home. But please be happy." He whispered softly without facing the younger man- it was too painful.

"I will." He put his clothes back on and left the apartment to run to his lover's arms leaving behind a man who cherished him more than he could imagine. "Yuki!"

"Let's go home."

_'He said home!' _Shuichi smiled.

***

He sighed.

"I knew it was too good to be true Kumagorou. No one will ever live with us. But, I'm so lucky you're with me."

***

There was a tall young blonde man in front of an apartment door thinking about knocking or not. 

_'I made a fool of myself.'_

Then he sighed and knocked. 

The door opened moments after. "YOU!" And then it was slammed shut again. "Go away; you're insane!"

"C'mon Nakano…it was only a joke."

"Well, I didn't like it. Go away!"

"Are you sure? I was hoping we spend some time together."

"HA!" The guitarist chuckled. "Forget it K, we better keep our friendship only for business matters."

"If that's what you want…but I don't give up so easily. Bye!"

He left and Hiroshi slid down to the floor. "Man…" Then he lit up a cigarette. "It's better that way."

***

The novelist closed the door to the apartment slowly and started taking off each piece of clothing he had on while walking to the bedroom. Once he lay in bed he noticed his boy wasn't there.

"Shuichi!"

The young singer walked in shyly. "Yes?"

"I want you in bed, now."

"Hai." Then he quickly sat next to him and the blonde pull him into his arms. "Yuki…"

*Whispering in Shuichi's ear.* "Now show me how sorry you are for changing me for that overgrown child." 

"Yuki, I never changed you."

"Shh. I don't want you to talk; you know what I want." Shuichi shivered and nodded melting right after into the blonde's arms. _ 'Good.'_

***

Two days after the couple's reconciliation…

"Hiro…don't you think is weird."

"What?"

"Ryuichi… He hasn't come to the studio. Do you think he's ok?"

"Probably. Maybe he's lovesick." Wink.

"HIRO!" Shuichi's cheeks turned bright pink immediately.

"Well, you left him when you were about to cuddle in bed. He must be frustrated. Yuki surely ruin his plans. Kekekeke." 

"Baka." He was thoughtful. "But what if something happened to him."

"You're beginning to worry a little too much about Sakuma-san, huh Shuichi?" Hiroshi smiled mischievously.

"He's my friend Hiro. If you were missing…I would worry too."

"And you better. Ok…so you want to go see him?" Shuichi nodded vigorously. "Then go; I'll cover for you."

"Honto ni?"

"Yup."

"Arigato!!" The young man quickly ran off and left a lonely Hiroshi sitting on an amp.

He smirked. "There's love in the air."

"Oh yes there is!" Hiroshi looked up to where the voice come from and found a blond tall man wearing a huge smile and holding a HUGE gun.

"Oh, it's you."

"You're not happy to see me?"

*Whispering* "Not at all…lunatic."

He pointed the gun to the young male's head. "Don't ever call me like that again." The guitarist nodded fearfully. "Where is Shuichi; we have to work."

"He left. Something important came up."

K sighed. "Again?" He sighed again. "This boy has lots of inner conflicts."

Hiro looked to the taller man's face amused. "Look who's talking!" Then the blonde sheepishly smiled.

~*~

There was an attractive young man walking down the streets searching for someone. His good looks made lots of women to stop doing what they were doing only to stare at the black haired male. But no matter how many women got interest in him, he seemed to ignore them all.

"Where are you…?" He sighed. "Why do I have to find a spoil brat like you…? Oh well."

***

Shuichi make it to Sakuma's apartment and started regretting it after he was in front of the door. _'What if Yuki finds out and gets mad at me again?'_ He turned around and started walking back to the elevator. _'What if he needs me?_' He reached the elevator and sighed. _ 'He's so lonely…'_ He then pressed the button to go down remembering the words of his lover the night of the incident.

~* "I don't want you to see him again." *~

When the elevator opened he stepped in. Then the doors begin to close and suddenly he jump off and ran back to his friend's apartment. _'I can't just ignore him when he took care of me when I was sad.'_

He knocked.

"Ryuichi! Ryuichi open up; it's me Shuichi!"

No one answered.

"He must be very upset." 

He tried opening the door by turning the knob, and to his surprise the door was open-just the way he left it the other night. 

"It's open? Weird." 

He walked in slowly and begins to call Ryuichi, but no one answered, so he walked in to his bedroom. 

"Ryuichi…" 

He found him. 

"Why don't you answer me?" 

He waited for his reply. The brunette was lying in bed but he said nothing and not even moved. 

"Ryu-kun, are you angry at me? We can decorate today, what do you say?"

Nothing. 

"Ryuichi?"

Slowly the younger male approached the bed and touched the sleeping man but he didn't move. 

"Oh my God! RYUICHI! RYUICHI WHAT"S WRONG???" 

He shook him again and again, but no answer came from his mouth. Shuichi searched for the pulse and fortunately he was alive, but he felt how hot his body was, and then noticed the sweat. 

"He's burning up!"

He didn't know what to do, so he called Tohma to ask for help. The blonde asked him to watch over him till he gets there and so he did. 

"The rain!" 

Shuichi remembered how soaked Ryuichi was the night when the rain caught them and he, Ryuichi, protected him from it. 

"I have to protect you now Ryu-kun." 

Tenderly his hand raked the brown sweaty hair. 

"I can't ignore you Ryuichi…I can't." _'I'm sorry Yuki, but I can't stop seeing my dear friend.'_

***

Ring, Ring, Ring.

"Yes?" The voice on the other side replies and explains a few things to the blonde. "I see." Then he hung up. "Baka." _'I told you to stay away from him.'_ He sighed. "Is their friendship stronger than our…" _ '…love? Is not love, that's why, isn't Shuichi. That's why.'_

***

As expected Yuki was furious, not only because Shuichi disobey him by seeing Nittle Grasper's leading man, but because he also had to stay in the hospital with him to make sure the singer was ok.

"I made a decision."

He puffed on his cigarette one last time and then threw the butt to the floor.

"So, Yuki…are you sure?"

"Yes. Any luck yet?"

"No. But I'll find her."

The younger man walked away to go find the missing girl one more time.

"Shuichi…" The blonde whispered for no one else to hear but him. "Let's see how you handle this."

***

Hiro was riding his bike and made a stop in front of the hospital where Ryuichi was- and also Shuichi. After he got off, he saw a young lady sleeping behind a tree and it got his attention. 

"Huh? What is she…?"

He touched her arm to try waking her up and she begins to open her eyes slowly.

"Excuse me, are you ok? Do you want me to take you inside?"

She moved away from him looking a little nervous with the presence of the stranger.

"Go away!"

"I won't hurt you. I only want to help. You shouldn't be sleeping on the grass you know."

The young girl blushed and nodded.

"I know."

"So, are you sick?"

"No. I'm looking for someone."

"I see. Well, I'm going to visit a friend now. You want to come along? I can take you anyplace after, ok?"

"Ok."

Then both went to Ryuichi's room. When they walked in Shuichi was awake and so was Ryuichi. Shindo was trying to convince the older male to have his breakfast, but the brunette refused to eat unless Shuichi also had something to eat.

"Don't be silly Ryu-kun. I'll eat later on the cafeteria."

"No. I have manners na no da and Kumagorou too. I taught him to be a good boy."

"I see." Shuichi snickered after glancing at the pink bunny sitting beside Ryuichi with a napkin on his lap like was actually about to eat too.

"Hey Shindo-san, Sakuma-san." Hiroshi smiled to both of them. "I can see you're feeling better."

"Oh yeah, Shu-chan is a great nurse na no da."

"I'm not a nurse Ryuichi!" He complained and both Ryuichi and Hiro laughed. Then Bad Luck's singer noticed the young girl behind Hiroshi. "Ano...who's that girl Hiro?"

"Gomen, I forgot. You must be thinking where my manners are." He apologized to the girl. "This is Ayaka-chan, she's lost and I'm helping her find a friend."

"Oh…"

"Ayaka, this is my best friend Shindo Shuichi, and this is Nittle Grasper's Sakuma Ryuichi."

"SAKUMA RYUICHI!!!" She yelled and all order her to quiet down. "Sorry. I though your face was familiar…I have a fried that has all your records. He's a big fan."

"Arigato." He smiled happily to know he had fans. "Sit down, you all. I love having visitors na no da! And Kumagorou too, right Kuma-chan?" Then he answered in Kuma's voice.

"I sure am, Ryu-chan."

It was then when Ayaka snickered and wonder if he was in the hospital for mental problems.

"Oh, but we are in a rush. We only stepped by to see if you were ok. I'm glad you are. Hope to see you at the studio soon, ok?"

"Sure na no da!" He waved and then they were gone.

Hiro and Ayaka were silent all the way to the elevator and a few seconds after they were in, she couldn't help it but to ask.

"Is he crazy? He talks to a pink bunny!"

"Hey, hey, don't say that. That's his trademark."

"O…k."

***

Later that afternoon Shuichi went back home, and after he opened the door he saw a black haired Yuki sitting on the couch watching his NG video.

"Yuki…you colored your hair? Why?"

Tatsuha looked up and smiled.

"You must be Shuichi, as cute as Mika described you. Come sit here."

_'This is not Yuki._' "And you are?"

"Uesugi Tatsuha, Yuki's younger brother."

"Brother? Yuki never mentioned you."

"I'm not surprised. Where you get this video?"

"Ryu-kun gave it to me."

"Ryu-kun? HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM SO FAMILIAR??????" He was hysterical.

"Well, he is one of my best friends, you know."

"REALLY???" Shindo nodded. "It's not fair!!! I don't even know him!"

"How come? Mika is married to Tohma-san."

"I know…life isn't fair. I live so far away!!!!!" He cried a little more and then looked up and down to Shuichi. "Demo…you look like Ryuichi. I'm so lucky!" And then he jumped on top of him.

"GET OFF!! GET OFF!! YUKI! YUKI! YUKI SAVE ME!!! YUUUKIIIIII!!!!"

"He won't come, he's not here. Which is good…he doesn't have to know."

"WHAT? Get off me!"

"What difference does it make; he's going to leave you anyway."

Shuichi froze and then cried louder.

"You're lying!"

"I'm not. He told me he doesn't want to see you ever again."

Shuichi's eyes widened with the shock. He was paralyzed and breathless. The words Tatsuha said couldn't be true, they couldn't.

"I…I…I…" He was silent again, but his eyes were overflowing with tears. "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!!!"

"I am not. He said never again."

Shuichi stopped yelling and looked up to Yuki's brother's eyes sadly. "Never again?"

***

"This is it! Tune in for next chapter na no da!!! " -Ryuichi

(\__/)

(='o'=)

@(")_(") "See ya next chapter!" – Kumagorou

You guys are not supposed to be here. This is my session! =^.^= meow! 

There will be more Ryuichi next chapter, PROMISED! –Kitty-kat

"You better na no da! I'm the star!!!" -Ryuichi

=^.^=''


	10. chapter 9

** Ryuichi's Love**

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter 9: Betrayal

He couldn't believe it. It had to be a joke, a cruel lie. Yuki wouldn't leave him, he would not leave…

"Liar. Yuki, Yuki loves me. He loves me!" Shuichi cried loud desperately.

"Have he ever told you?" Shuichi was silent. "Then how do you know?"

He lowered his head sadly knowing it was true; there was no way for him to assure it. In fact, deep down there were doubts. 

_'Yuki doesn't love me at all…'_

Tatsuha stood up, and tried to help Shuichi up, but the pink haired young man was so down he decided to wait for a while. Long minutes passed and Shuichi was still sobbing in the exact same position he last left him in, but he couldn't wait any longer.

"We have to go Shuichi. I promised Eiri-sama you'll be out by now…and you're still here."

It was a shock. He even ordered his brother to kick him out? _'How cruel.'_ "Let's go then."

"Where should I take you?"

"Where's my stuff?"

"In my car." The singer nodded and walked outside. "Where to?"

"Just give me my things; I can walk."

"No. I'll take you. I cannot see you so upset… I'm really sorry, but Yuki…" He stopped talking and didn't finish the sentence.

"Yuki?"

"He…"

"OH, JUST SPIT IT OUT!"

"He's getting married."

"M… … Married?" It was way too much for him, but he tried to hold on and not cry. Yuki betrayed him; he hurt him AGAIN, so he wouldn't give the satisfaction of letting him know he cried. "Then let's go. I have nothing to do here; on the contrary…I'm in the middle."

"Exactly." He glared at the angry face of the young singer trying to find out what he really felt. It was obvious he was angry, but…was he hurt? "So...where to?"

"Take me to him."

"I can't do that; I promised."

"Fine, then…let's go to my friend's place."

~*~

"Kuma-chan… Do you think they may be together now? Would they be kissing? Would they be eating? Would they be…loving?"

Kumagorou was silent.

"I think they are." He looked around the hospital room, the white cold walls were empty, the chair beside him was empty, and the entire room was empty. He was alone. "This room looks like me- empty, with nothing…loveless."

He curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed and squeezed his Kuma doll close to his heart.

"I wish someone stopped by. I'll feel better if Shu-chan were here."

But no one came by on the rest of the day, night, morning…

~*~

Shuichi went back to his parents' house since Hiro had a guest. It was that same girl from the morning and he wondered what was with her, but still he paid no attention to her and went back home.

It felt lonely, even when his family was there, because Yuki wasn't there.

"Yuki…" A lonely tear slid down the rounded cheek. _'I can't believe you make that scene the other night, ask me to stop seeing my friend and then decide to get married. How could you? Why lie to me and hurt me so much. Looks like all you've done so far is break my heart…maybe Hiro's right. Maybe I should forget about him and…'_ "NO! I love Yuki!"

_'Do I? I just don't know anymore. I'm so confused… I just don't know if he cared at all or just toy with me all this time.'_

~*~

A creek echoed through the room after the door was opened. Quickly after a bag was thrown on the floor, a young man let himself fall against the couch. With him a pink bunny lay in the sofa while he sighed looking up to the ceiling. 

"Back home." He chuckled. "Home sweet home." He sighed again and turned into his side. "So Kumagorou, what do you want to do today? Clean the rooms, do the laundry, write songs, or decorate?" He stopped talking for a moment, like he was actually listening to someone reply. "You're right, that one is not a good idea. It reminds me of Shuichi."

The phone rang and he quickly answered it. "Mochi mochi!"

"Ryuichi, it's me Tohma. I heard you were out of the hospital, so I just called to remind you to drop by the studio tomorrow. We have to keep the schedule on time no matter what, and we have a lot of work behind. So don't forget, ok?"

"Sure, tomorrow."

"Bye." He hung up.

"He didn't even ask if I felt better… I guess I only mean one thing to Tohma…money. I guess that's all I ever was to him." He smiled. "I'm so pathetic…longing for love when I never had it. How can I miss something I never had? …What is love then? Does it really exist?"

He looked down to where Kumagorou was lying and took it in his hands.

"Not even you loved me. Maybe I should do the same you did…but I can't."

~*~

Bad Luck's leading man wanted to talk with his best friend, so he called him on the phone to see if he was finally free. 

"Hiro, can I come over?"

"Can we meet tomorrow? I'm busy right now." He shamelessly replied knowing how terrible Shuichi most felt and he weren't there. _'I should be there with you.'_

"You're with her?"

"Yes, and K."

"K?"

"He found us on our way and insisted on helping."

"That's weird." Hiro snickered knowing why K did it. It was no coincidence he was in front of his house when they went out, and less of a coincidence he insisted on coming along. "Well, then see ya tomorrow."

"Ok, and Shuichi."

"Yeah?"

"I'll make it up to you. I promise. I'm so sorry about this."

"Is ok, you have your own life too. I understand." He hung up the phone and as he pushed the button to turn it off he focused the silver band on his hand. "Ryuichi!" Then he ran out of the house and went straight to the hospital, but the good news was Ryuichi was already on his house; the bad news was he wasn't there when it happened. "I should make it up to him. I promised to be there."

So he decided to go buy some gifts to apologize.

"I hope he likes." He knocked, and a long minute after the door was opened by a sad Ryuichi. "Ryu-kun! What's wrong?"

"Shu-chan? Is this a dream?"

"No dream, it's me. I'm sorry. But…I came to keep one promise." He showed him the box he was carrying and then Ryuichi's expression changed from a sad one to and excited one. "So, you like what I brought?"

"A KUMAGOROU LAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A wide smile spread across his face. "I LOVE IT! Where you get this?"

Shuichi smiled. "Around, but that's not all I brought, come, let's see and decorate, ok?" Ryuichi nodded happily just like a little boy and then yelled even happier.

"Ok na no da!"

The entire day went by and the two singers finished most of the decoration in the apartment. The boxes were emptied and all the things were put in place. The living room walls had portraits and awards, and the bedroom was jolly and fun. The colors were bright and beautiful and it made Ryuichi feel enthusiastic.

"I love it! What do you think Shu-chan?"

"It's awesome, really cool. I wish I had a place like this, but I don't even have a place to stay besides my parents' house. At least that's better than living with Yuki. He was mean to me, AND a liar."

Ryu blinked a few times, he didn't know Yuki and Shuu broke up.

"But you know Ryuichi…I don't feel that bad because…because I have a friend like you." His eyes looked deep inside the brunette's blue eyes and then his lips draw a smile.

The older singer was speechless wondering what happened. _ 'Do they really break up?'_ But when he saw the brightness in the purple gaze and the white smile gifted to him he could only smile back.

"Say Ryuichi, want to go out for dinner? I'm starving."

"Sure. Where you want to go- I'll pay." He smiled playfully and then grabbed his doll before walking outside. _'Is this a date? Nah, I can't ask…I'm just going too fast, he, he.'_

~*~

Eiri was smoking in the balcony waiting for his younger brother to come back. After a few minutes he went back inside and sat in front of his laptop. Silence was all he could hear; the apartment was SO lonely and tranquil. It was almost… "Annoying." The novelist chuckled after that remark. How can he suddenly think silence was annoying when all he ever wanted was silence? Could it be that he got used to Shuichi's constant noisy behavior? "Impossible." But then why he felt so unhappy, so lonely, so stupidly needy and longing for the smell and sight of the young male that always annoyed him but that now was missed so bad it hurt even in the bones. "Shuichi…" He sighed and looked sadly around the room. _'It's so empty.'_ He tried to write, but the pink hair and happy smile were all he could think of. "I made a mistake."

It was then that his brother appeared.

"Eiri-san?" He walked inside and spotted his blonde brother sitting miserably on the chair with his hands against his face looking deeply depressed. "Eiri? Are you ok? You look…depressed."

Yuki looked up and shook his head denying it. "I'm thinking. I'm blocked, I can't write."

"You miss him?"

"HUH!" He chuckled. "Are you serious? I couldn't be happier." But he couldn't fool his brother.

"So...you eat dinner yet?" Eiri didn't answered and fake being writing something on the computer. "How about dinner, there's nothing on your fridge. You ever eat?"

"Shuichi probably eat what was left." _'Shuichi…_' He shook his head to take him off his head and then replied. "Ok, let's go then." _'Maybe I just need a little air.' _"Let me get my coat."

After he left the room, Tatsuha quickly peep on the monitor and check what he was writing, and then he smiled when he read the name his brother repeatedly wrote. "Shuichi."

~*~

"Where would you like to be seated?" The waiter asked the two young singers.

"On the window!" Ryuichi quickly replied without giving the younger male the chance to answer. "You'll like it; we get to see the lights."

"Ok."

They were guided to the second floor of the restaurant where the tables with windows were. It was a beautiful place with soft music, flowers and a pretty fountain with a nice sound of falling water.

"It's so pretty Ryu-kun. I've never been here before."

"Really? This is one of my favorites." 

"Well, I can't afford it. He, he." He giggled softly so no one could hear him.

They got to their seats and Ryuichi helped Shu-chan sat down. Shuichi giggled feeling silly by such gesture that was usually done with the ladies, but then he guessed it was Ryuichi's way to flatter him with attention.

"You're so silly Ryuichi. You don't have to pull my chair."

He blushed. "Oh, sorry na no da!" He then quickly sat across him. "So, you saw the view?" Shuichi nodded staring out the window. "It's nice and pretty…but you, you are even more." The pink haired boy widely opened his eyes in shock since he didn't expect the flirting so soon. "Sorry…am I going too fast?" Shuichi didn't answer. "Sure I am. You just break up with Yuki; you're probably hurting and I just say the wrong words. Please forget what I just said." He looked down sadly and shamefully knowing the young man probably felt uncomfortable.

"Ryuichi…I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel bad or anything, but I need some time before trying something new. You are wonderful, and…you're number one on my list of possibilities if that's encouraging."

The brunette looked up a little excited and slowly nodded.

"You've been all he'd never been able to be, gentle, loving, sincere, and true. Ryuichi…thank you."

"You don't need to thank me, just…hurry up and love me." He smiled and Shuichi smiled back.

"I'll do my best. I promise."

The older singer took the younger hands with his while they share a loving smile, it was then that they were seen by other two young men.

The hazel eyes gleam with anger when he recognized the two lovely men sitting by the window. His brother was shocked and almost fainted when he saw his beloved Sakuma-san with another man, not only another man, but his brother's little man. And then both softly pronounced a name with intense anguish.

"Shuichi."

"Ryuichi."

~*~

Don't forget to review!!!!!!!!!!! =^.^= MEOW!


	11. Chapter 10

**Ryuichi's Love**

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter 10: Betrayal 2

Time seemed to stop.

The blonde and the raven haired man stood there in silence watching, staring at the upper window of the restaurant. Yuki felt a cold breeze that slowly begin to caress his skin until it was unbearable; it has froze his heart beating and the possible tears he first felt peering through his eyes. "I'm not hungry anymore." After a few minutes of quiet staring he was able to whisper to his brother.

Tatsuha blinked a few times in disbelief. "You mean, you're not going in and taking him home with you???" He was hysterical, if he didn't do something Shuichi may end up in bed with HIS Ryuichi that night.

Yuki chuckled and turned around. "He obviously doesn't need me. Besides, I broke up with him. He can screw whoever he desires."

"Eiri-san! It is YOUR fault he is with Sakuma-san right now, so stop pitying yourself!"

The blonde ignored his brother's meaningless words and started walking away from the painful scene of Shuichi and Ryuichi holding hands with smiling faces.

"Eiri! Come back here you idiot!" The younger Uesugi brother followed- still on hysteria mode. "You're just going let him go with someone else??"

"I'm getting married, remember? By the way…shouldn't you've been looking for my fiancée?"

"If you want to find her so bad then look for her yourself! I'm going into that restaurant and eat. You should enter with me and sat right next to their table so he'll know you know."

"All you want is to see Sakuma-san up close, right?" Tatsuha's head hung down knowing his brother was right. "You can care less for my sexual life…so butt out."

"You're sexual life? Is that all Shuichi was for you, a sex object?" There was silence. "You disappoint me Eiri-san. I though you really liked Shuichi. I guess…he's better off without you. I bet Sakuma-san can give him what he needs and treat him the way he deserves. You're just cold and bitter…and Sakuma-san is warm and gentle. I can't judge Shuichi for what he's done. I would've done the same. I still don't know why he keeps up with you." With that, his brother turned around and before walking away he whispered one last phrase. "I'll be at the restaurant if you change your mind."

~*~

There were three young people sitting on a large green couch sighing in exhaustion. "Don't you think it would be a lot easier if you at least tell us the name of the man you're looking for?" Hiro finally protested. They've been looking for someone they don't even know how he looks like. "At this rate you'll end up living in my apartment." _'Not that I mind. Where does that come from?'_

_'No way! That will be totally inappropriate. It would ruin my plans!'_ The blonde sighed frustrated. He's been watching the sneaky girl all day long, and what bothered him the most was the attention the young guitarist was giving her.

"Yuki. His name is Yuki Eiri."

"YUKI!!!" Both yelled in shock and then she nodded.

"You mean Yuki Eiri the novelist?" Hiroshi asked one more time just to make sure.

"Yes. Do you know where I can find him?"

"I… I certainly do." _'So that explains…is Ayaka-chan Yuki Eiri's fiancée? Now I feel worse. I should be with Shuichi right now.'_

~*~

"Shu-chan…I was thinking. Well, um, you know, the thing is…"

"Ryu-kun…just say it."

"Do you…do you want to stay with me? My home is closer to the studio and there is an empty room in my apartment. We can furnish it and…"

"Ryuichi…thanks, but I think I shouldn't. It would be…uncomfortable. I really don't want to hurt you and this may end up wrong. I better stay at my parents for now…maybe Hiro can spare me a little corner of his apartment."

"But where is he? Nakano-san abandoned you. He's been hanging out with that girl and left you all alone. I want to take care of you Shu-chan. Besides I won't mind at all. My apartment is very lonely and quiet all the time, maybe if you were there…" He looked down to hide his painful gaze. His eyes had so much sadness hidden inside that it made Shuichi gasp with pain. His dear Ryuichi was indeed a very lonely man and was desperate for some company. "I'm sorry…I'm being too pushy." He looked up again and smiled. "You are right. It would be odd and maybe Kumagorou doesn't want a guest. He's very jealous you know."

"Ryuichi…" _'…always hiding his true feelings with your Kuma-doll._' "Ryuichi, okay. I'll move in with you."

It was then when Eiri and Tatsuha were guided to their table- the one next to Sakuma and Shindo. Yuki heard it clearly and it was another stab straight through the heart. He sat down casually along with his brother who was examining his older brother's face carefully.

_'He heard it! Dah! I heard it too…but he's hurting. I know.'_ Tahtsuha couldn't look to the side, but he could hear the happy laughter of his dear Ryuichi after hearing the not so good news. Of course they weren't good news for him or his brother.

It was then when a loud chuckled filled the air and both singers looked to the next table. The purple gaze fixed on the blonde sitting right next to him grew wider and wider and the loud echoing sound of the chuckles gave him chills all over the skin. Yuki was being sarcastic. His chuckles only meant one thing-he was crying on the inside but trying to laugh on the outside, but instead of laughter only horrifying chuckles came out his mouth.

Yuki then begin to laugh and everyone was staring right at his table wondering what was so funny. Some people recognized him and started whispering his name; it wasn't long after when all the people and employees were watching the famous novelist laugh at nothing.

Tatsuha felt extremely uncomfortable, especially when his beloved Sakuma Ryuichi was staring at them confused. But not really even paying attention to him, but staring at his lunatic brother. _'Look at me Sakuma-san! Look at me!!!'_

"Yuki…" The pink haired singer whispered softly knowing Eiri possibly heard what he just said to his friend. The question was then, why was he laughing?

A few seconds after the laughter sharply ceased and the amber eyes turned his killing glare to the younger singer sitting almost beside him. Shuichi gasped; he knew Yuki was angry.

_'But why? He threw me away._' He wondered confused.

"It's amazing how fast you forget." He then stood up and walked away.

Tatsuha stare at all the questioning faces attacking him and he could only run after his brother to escape the possible questions.

Shuichi was under a shock but, soon after his beloved novelist was gone, his tears rolled down uncontrollably and a loud scream echoed through the entire restaurant.

"YUKIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

His companion sighed and let out a tear when he saw the little guy ran off after the preferred male. He felt beaten and with no desire to keep going. "It's no use. He loves Eiri-san." He left some money on the table and sadly walked away ignoring all the people gossiping around the place.

He stepped out the restaurant but there was no sight of the pink he loved so much, so he placed his hands on his jacket's pocket and slowly vanished into the shadows of the night.

~*~

I'm sorry it was so short but I have like 0 time lately but don't want to stop writing this story at all, so I though maybe a little is better than nothing, ne?

Don't forget to review! =^.^=


	12. chapter 11

**_Ryuichi's Love_**

By Kitty-kat =^.^=

Chapter 11: Decisions

_ Uuragiru tame ni umaretekita_

_ Kuchibiru wo togisumase_

_ Muimi na rikutsu ni mata muragaru_

_ Orokashisa ni predilection_

_-Predilection_

Dark as the night and cold as the wind was his heart. Everything ended in nothingness. All was nothing. Nothing was all.

"I have nothing…"

A handsome young man was staring at the sky while he lay against a wall hid between shadows. There was intense sadness in his eyes and extreme depression reflected on his face. At that moment he felt older than he was; he felt all the years were longer than they were.

"So many years of loneliness and still I'm alone. Old and alone."

The whispering voice was filled with anguish and bitterness. His throat sounded sore because of the pain he was holding back and swallowing to avoid tears from falling.

"I'm tired, so tired. I want nothing now. All I ever wanted was for him to love me, but now…all I want is…" He swallows once again. "Hope you find your happiness Shindo-san."

He sighed.

"I've made my decision."

~*~

Inside Yuki's apartment two young men argue while another listened behind the door with hopes that his brother will fix his problems with Shuichi so he could have a chance with his dear Sakuma-san.

"Make up with him Eiri-san. You're such a baka." He murmured to himself and then kept listening.

"I swear Yuki, I have NOTHING with Sakuma-san! Yes, he invited me to live with him but not as a couple. It was because I had no place to stay and he feels lonely."

"Oh please, he's totally crush on you and you know it."

"Yes I do, but I felt bad for him. He lives all alone and has no one."

"Then go and give him comfort. It's not like I care."

"Yuki…you have no right to say a word to me. You finish me off in the first place and didn't even had the guts to face me and tell me yourself! You had to send your brother to tell me the news- so pathetic! I though a lot more of you, but you've show me how stupid you are!"

"If that was all you wanted to tell me, the door is open. I'm sick of your face! Get out!"

"If you're so sick of me then tell me why you enter that restaurant, and why you make a scene? Everyone was looking!"

"I don't care. I don't care anymore if the entire world knows I have a stupid brat like you as my lover- it's my life."

"But…you're getting married."

Tatsuha was all hysterical with how the whole situation was turning- exactly the way he didn't wanted it. But while he tried to hear the end of the argument the doorbell ring.

"Grrrrrrrr! Who the heck???"

He ran to the door feeling angry with the unknown visitor, so after he opened he quickly yelled.

"Whatta ya want???" After his scream he saw three confused faces staring at him funnily. "Ayaka!" He turned pale without knowing what to do. _'Should I let her in? It will be worst! This is not my day!!! At this rate Shuichi will end up cuddling with my RYUICHIII!!!!'_ He begins to tear while he pulled his hair and the stares become even harder.

"Is Eiri-san home?" She plainly asked trying to ignore Tatsuha's weird behavior.

"Eiri? Eiri?" He begins to look from side to side wishing Eiri wasn't there at the moment- but he was.

"Yes."

"Well, he…Eiri is…" And then his brother came out of the room and found the three faces at the door. "Eiri!" He almost fainted.

"I see…she's finally here. Come on in." When he saw the three walk in he sharply burst out an order. "The rest of you out, including you Tatsuha."

"But-but." He begins.

"Out!" 

~*~

_can't get enough kotoba yori mo motto_

_don't let me down tashika ni misete hoshii_

_one more night suka ni kizutsuita_

_ kimi ga mitsumeru me sono saki ni_

- _Predilection_

Sakuma entered his lonely apartment and turned on the lights. After he got a look inside everything run through his head in a quick flashback. That same day he and Shuichi had been decorating the apartment and every single pillow, every single carpet, and every single furniture piece reminded him of his beloved pink haired boy.

"Shuichi…"

He could repeat in his mind every single event, every single smile and every tear Shindo-san dropped because of his loss. But now all those good memories were only pain in his heart, so he decided to take everything down and put it back in boxes.

~*~

Ayaka and Yuki were sitting net to each other. She was waiting for him to say something but he was silent and thoughtful. She tried to guess what he was thinking but she didn't knew him enough to tell, besides Yuki sometimes was an expressionless person.

"Eiri-san…I wanted to see you. I can't take it anymore. I need to know what you would do about us."

He was still quiet, drowning inside a whirlwind of confusion inside his heart. From that answer his future with Shuichi depended and deep down he knew he wanted to stay with the young singer. He also knew he asked him to wait in the room a few minutes ago and was sure he was probably listening.

"Eiri?"

He then stood up and said it. "I'm living with Shindo Shuichi. He's my lover and I want to keep it that way, so there's nothing to talk about."

Inside Yuki's bedroom Shuichi closed his eyes after hearing the answer the blonde gave his fiancée and didn't know if he should be glad or not. In a way he felt happy with the news but there was something deep in his heart hurting him. _'I'm sorry Ryuichi…_'

~*~

_hajimari sae_

_ushinawareta_

_owaranai geemu wo shiyou_

_- Predilection_

It was morning already and Ryuichi was still awake closing the last boxes with his belongings. Everything was back in and his clothes were placed inside a suitcase. 

After a warm bath he felt like new and since it was time for him to go to the studio he left to Tohma's office. Once inside he sat down seriously and looked the blonde in the eyes.

"I came to say goodbye. I'm retiring. I'm sorry about the trouble I will cause you with my decision but I already made up my mind about Nittle Grasper and my career. I don't want to be a singer anymore. I want to live a normal life from now on."

"Ryuichi? Are you playing another one of your games?"

"No game. That man you once knew is lost in the past. From now on Sakuma Ryuichi is no longer the playful idiot he used to be. I'm tired of people taking me as a joke and not as a real man. I'm grown up, so I'll act like it."

"No Kumagorou?"

"No. I'll return him to his original owner but for that I need to make a trip."

"Well, if there is nothing I can do to change your mind…but I really wished for this to work out. I though we left our troubles behind."

"Don't worry Tohma; I already forgive you. It's not about you and I, it's about me. I want to find myself and let go of the painful memories."

"If you ever decide to return, give me a call- you're always welcome here."

"Thanks. Say goodbye to Noriko for me." He turned around and then looked back to where Tohma was sitting. "Oh, do yourself a favor and try to be happy with Mika. You and I know Yuki is not for you. I really want you to be happy."

"Thanks for the advice; I'll do my best."

"Well…sayonara Tohma-san."

And with that the leading man of Nittle Grasper head his way to his new life away from the spotlight.

He step in front of the building and looked up to have a last glance at it. The brunette let out a sigh and then kept walking away like nothing was wrong at all.

_'Goodbye Tohma, Noriko; goodbye to all and goodbye to you…Shuichi.'_


	13. Chapter 12

**Ryuichi's Love**

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter 12: Memories

"I promise Ryu-chan. One day it will be yours…actually…if I die, you can keep it, okay?" An older boy shyly smiled to his little brother.

"But I don't want you to die."

"One day, I will and you will too."

"I don't want to die. Do you want to die?" The sweet five year old boy asked.

"… You can borrow it, ok? Keep Kumagorou for the night."

"Really?" His eyes shinned brightly with excitement.

"Yes. Now, go to bed Ryu-chan."

"Good night, nii-chan." But before he left to his room, his older brother held him close for a moment and Ryuichi could've sworn he head him whisper 'I'm sorry.' "What you said?"

"I said nothing, go to bed."

~*~

Ryuichi wake up when the door of the cab opened. "Thanks." He replied and got out of the car while he sighed sadly.

_'That dream…it's been so long. Is it because I'm going back?'_

His heart ached. He was tormented by all the misfortune he had, but that somehow God had balanced by giving him all the talent he needed to succeed in a dream.

_'If that was the price…take it all back. I don't want any of it. Not the money or the fame…I just don't want to be alone anymore.'_

***

Pretty violet orbs observed silently in the darkness the body of his lover laid to the side with his yellow head buried in a white large pillow. His face was serene for a change- no frowns. He looked so peaceful and sweet that he couldn't stop looking at such precious view. 

"Yuki…"

The young singer whispered between soft sights. He felt so lucky, so lucky Yuki had chosen him over Ayaka. But even when he felt so lucky, deep down knew that in reality he was very far from the blonde. 

The blonde…

The blonde he loved was way too complicated and always pushed him away in a way or another. It was frustrating to be so close yet so far from him. He felt a barrier that wasn't letting their 'relationship' blossom the way he wished.

Shuichi wanted many things he knew Yuki wouldn't give him, but still he decided to stay by his side.

_'I hope you change one day and let me into your heart for real.'_

After that last though he closed his eyes again and fell into deep sleep.

***

Another blonde was tossing beside his wife. He couldn't get a bit of sleep since all he could hear on his head was Ryuichi's voice saying goodbye. _'This time is forever?_' He wondered.

"Tohma…are you alright? You've been acting so weird and you can't even sleep, not to mention you are not letting ME sleep either."

"I'm sorry Mika…I'll go to the living room."

"No, that's ok. Just tell me, what's troubling you?"

"Ryuichi…" He sighed. "Ryuichi left."

"He what?"

"He left and I think he won't be coming back."

The only answer Mika gave him was silence, but after a while finally whispered.

"Now those are bad news."

"No kidding." He sighed again and closed his eyes. "I already knew that."

"Baka."

***

It was just another typical day at the studio for the members of Bad Luck. Suguro frowning and complaining about Shuichi's unpunctuality, Sakano was excusing the pink haired boy while shaking and sweating, Hiro tuning his guitar, and K blabbering about some new gig they had while holding one of his toys and smiling.

After the usual eternal wait, a whirlwind entered the room enthusiastically. The singer quickly grabbed the microphone and begins to act like he was actually working but was in reality just clowning.

"Now what's with him?" Suguro, as always, asked a little annoyed by the singer upbeat personality.

"He's happy." Hiro smiled. "So, everything went well with Yuki, eh?" He nudges him.

Shuichi's face turned extremely rounded and cute while his eyes turned into hearts and posed like a hero. "Everything is fine with Yuki." Then all he was able to do was giggle.

"I see. I'm happy for you."

"Enough of this! Get back to work!" They were threatened by a gun. "We have a concert in two days."

"Two days???" All yelled and Sakano almost faint.

"What do you mean two days? It's not official right?" Sakano quickly asked nervously.

"Oh yes it is!"

"But…" Shuichi begin. "Isn't Nittle Grasper's concert in two days?" He started thinking again to make sure he wasn't confusing the date. "Then how come we'll be singing too?" Then he jumped and smiled. "We are going to be fore players?" He smiled.

"No. Bad Luck is the main band. Yek yek yek yek yek!" The blonde laughed.

"But…I'M GOING TO NITTLE GRASPER'S CONCERT!!!!!!" Shuichi grabbed K's shirt hysterically and begin to weep. "I promised Ryuichi!"

"The concert was cancelled." He said after throwing Shuichi away.

After landing against the wall and peeling off the wall, Shuichi yelled. "NANI???????"

"Didn't you know? Ryuichi left today. Nittle Grasper broke up again. It's been all over the news, where you've been?" K simply added.

"Ryu… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" And then he ran off.

Everyone was surprised with the news; no one knew it but K and Sakano. But Hiro, knowing how bad his friend could take bad news, ran after him.

"Great, now we lost both of them. I can't work like this. If they ever come back, then call me." Suguru begin to walk away but was stopped by a gun.

"You stay in and work!" K ordered in his unique sympathetic way- a threat.

"But-"

"Someone has to be ready for that concert."

Suguru sighed and mumbled. "And it has to be me."

***

The door to Tohma's office was slammed wide open while a panting Shuichi demanded an explanation from the blonde.

"Where's Ryu-chan???"

Tohma grabbed Shuichi's hands and pulled them off his coat. "First, that is no way of entering my office."

But Shuichi could care less about that and then started screaming hysterically. "Where's Ryu-kun, where's Ryu-kun???????"

"He left. I don't know where he went; he just said he was retiring."

"Retiring????????????????????" Shuichi almost fainted. "But he just got back with Nittle Grasper!!!"

"It was his decision. There's nothing I can do now. Now please leave." Shuichi didn't move, so Tohma looked up to where Hiro was standing. "Can you take him away? I am frustrated enough to deal with him now."

"Sure."

***

Morning arrived and the small boy quickly ran to his beloved brother's room. It was then when his life changed forever.

"JOMEI!!!!!"

***

Once again Sakuma Ryuichi woke up from his sleep. His face was sweaty and his hands were shaking. His breathing was unease and he was very nervous.

"Just a dream…"

He shook his head and lay back into the seat. All the memories were coming back to him. He avoided going back to his hometown for years, and now he was determined to face his past for once and for all and get rid of the pain.

"It is time Jomei…it's time for me to grow up."

He sighed and looked down to his backpack where it was. He could almost imagine how tight the pink bunny must be at that exact moment, and he almost felt like freeing it and asking for forgiveness, but he shut his eyes tightly instead.

"I won't. It's just a doll, a stupid doll." While he said those words, a few tears escaped his eyes. _'Then why does it hurt so much?_'

"Would you like something to drink, Sakuma-san?"

Nittle Grasper ex-leading man looked up to see who was speaking to him- it was a smiling flight attendant- and then he nodded.

"What would you like?"

"Water."

"Just one second." After she brought the glass of water, the woman kept staring at him trying to say something but it felt a little out of place for her. It was obvious he was lost on his thoughts, and then he looked up again wondering why she was still standing next to him.

"That would be all, thank you."

"Oh…sorry, I was just…I wanted to ask…" He lifted an eyebrow. "Can I have your autograph?" Then she smiled shyly and nervously.

"No." He sharply replied and then turned his face away.

Her smile faded; she couldn't understand why. Why was he so cold and blunt? It sounded even rude. Sakuma Ryuichi, her idol, was in reality a jerk?

"I'm sorry." She ran away with tears in her eyes and Sakuma felt horrible.

"Damn." He whispered. _'It's not her fault.'_

Only a few seconds passed when he decided to apologize. He saw her running to the front, so he went that way too until he found her crying in a little corner while one of her co-workers tried to calm her down.

"Excuse me. May I speak to her for a second?"

Both looked up without knowing what to say until they saw the sweetest smile in the world.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said before. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No- I…" Her voice trembled.

"I'm going trough a hard time, that's all, but it's not your fault." The girl nodded. "So…would you like that autograph?" He smiled again, and then she smiled.

~*~

"I told you he was gone, can't you hear what someone else says?" Hiroshi complained while he walked out of the airport with the saddest Shuichi ever seen.

"I was just hoping…what if he's still on his apartment!!!" He screamed feeling energetic again. "Let's go!" And the pink hair idiot was gone.

"Baka." He followed the pink ball of hair he could see from afar. _'I'm even worst for following him.'_ Hiro sighed and smiled to himself.

Once at Ryuichi's apartment, Shuichi banged the door like a maniac while he yelled Ryuichi's name.

"RYUICHI!!!! RYU!!!! IT'S ME SHU-CAH!!!!! PLEASE OPEN UP!! RYUICHIIIIIII!!!! RYUICHIIIIII!!!"

Hiro let his friend yelled for a few minutes knowing Sakuma-san was long gone, but still he let his friend yelled his frustration away.

"Sakuma-san…Sakuma-san…" The voice became softer and sadder; he knew Ryuichi was really gone. "Ryu…ichi." A lonely tear ran down his rounded cheek and soon after soft sobs were heard through the corridors followed by fragments of a name. " Ryu…Ryu…"

"Come on Shuichi…Sakuma-san is gone. There is nothing you can do now."

"But why? He…he didn't even say goodbye."

"I know. Is that why?" Shuichi looked up confused. "Is that the reason for you to cry?"

"He was also my best friend…Sakuma-san was…he was…special to me."

"I know. But, maybe is for the better."

"How can you say that?!"

"Wasn't he getting you into trouble with Yuki?" The pink head nodded. "Then it is better for you, right?"

Shuichi frowned. "NO!" He started shaking his head quickly. "NO, NO, NO! Sakuma-san was my friend and I care for him. He said…he promised to be by my side. He promised."

"Maybe he's hurt, just give him time. I think- I know he'll return."

"You think?"

"Yes. Let's go." Both begin to walk away, when suddenly Shuichi ran back to the apartment and took a spare key that was hid on the lamp above the entrance door.

"Ta da!" He smiled triumphantly. "I remembered he had a spare key hide in here, just in case he lost it or something."

"So?"

"Maybe he's inside…napping?"

"Shuichi!" Hiro couldn't believe it.

"Just let me see. I want to be completely sure, okay?"

"Ok. It won't do you any harm to look inside."

The small young man widely smiled and then entered the empty apartment. It was completely dark, so he turned on the lights and eventually it was completely empty.

"He's gone…" Shuichi softly whispered. "He's really gone Hiro…gone."

"I know."

"NO!" Shuichi ran to Sakuma's room only to find it empty as well. Every single corner was empty. Empty.

"Empty…" He sobbed again. "Just the way he felt…"

"What you said?"

"Ryuichi…he felt empty too. That's why he played with Kumagorou."

"He told you that?"

"No." _'I saw it in his eyes, the loneliness, the sadness, the sorrow his should possessed. Sakuma-san was hurting inside and smiling on the outside hiding his true feelings with his childish personality.'_

"Then how can you be so sure?"

"Because I know him enough to know.""

***

Ok that was it for now…I'm sorry this took forever –again- but live sucks sometimes. LOL Anyway, I know nothing much happened, but I guess I needed this silly chapter so everyone could understand why Ryuichi always have Kuma-chan with him. =^.^= sayonara and don't forget to review! 


	14. Chapter 13

Ryuichi's Love Kitty Kat =^.^= Chapter 13: Missing You  
  
  
  
It was late in the afternoon when Sakuma Ryuichi reached his destiny. His legs started to tremble while he stepped down the plane. He felt an immense fear developing from within that he could no longer control. The more he walked the paler his skin turned and the more his body sweated. He couldn't go any further anymore, so he turned around and held on to a wall while his body shook heavily.  
  
"I can't!"  
  
He cried. It was like all the memories he managed to burry deep inside his heart were suddenly floating in the air and playing in his mind over and over.  
  
"I can't!"  
  
Ryuichi tremble against the cold wall for a few minutes, and then gathered the strength to keep walking.  
  
"I have to do it." 'I'm stronger now. I can do it.'  
  
**  
  
Hiro was starting to get desperate. Shuichi and he have been sitting on the floor of Sakuma's apartment for hours. The more he tried to take his best friend away, he wasn't able to do it because Shuichi refused and kept crying.  
  
"Do you think crying will bring him back? If you want him to return, do something about it."  
  
The sobs ceased and the pink haired young man looked up to face his friend. "Huh? What are you trying to say?"  
  
"I think you're hiding something."  
  
"Hiding?"  
  
"Hey, it's just weird to see you so upset over nothing. It's not like Yuki left."  
  
Shuichi frowned. "I know what you're doing! You're trying to make me think this is not bad because it wasn't Yuki, so I'll stop crying!" He waved his hands in the air frantically. "Well, it's not working!!!" He begins to cry again.  
  
"Oh man. Are we staying here forever? I'm getting hungry, maybe he left something in the kitchen."  
  
"POCKY!!!" Shuichi yelled while he ran to the kitchen running over the longhaired man walking the same way.  
  
"Shuichi! You had to run over me???" Then he snickered when he saw his friend crying (again) while he stares at a cabinet. "Now what?"  
  
"It's full. He left my cabinet full."  
  
"Your cabinet?" Hiroshi scratched his head.  
  
"Yeah, Ryu-chan bought Pocky for me and filled this cabinet, so I would ALWAYS have Pocky."  
  
"He did?" Hiro peered. "He did." The red head turned around thoughtful and then looked back to where Shuichi was standing. "Why would he do that? You came THAT often?"  
  
"Well.sort of. He invited me to live here too, but the Pocky was here already." It was then when Shuichi's mood changed a little bit and happily begins to fill his backpack.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm taking MY Pocky home. There's no use for leaving it behind. Besides, Yuki never buys Pocky for me."  
  
"Hummm."  
  
"Help me out Hiro!"  
  
'He's starting to compare them already.' A small smile was drawn on his lips, and then he decided to help his friend since the backpack was already filled to the maximum.  
  
**  
  
'Every memory from this place is so painful.'  
  
Soft winds begin to brush the brown locks of the young man staring at an old grave.  
  
"It's been so long nii-chan, ne? You once left me and then I tried to do the same, but the truth is I always carry you everywhere I go. It wasn't you, but this toy made me feel like you were still beside me. It's been so lonely without you. I missed you so much."  
  
He sighed and held on to his tears.  
  
"All these years I've been alone and searching for someone to love me, but I've failed. The more I try, the more I fail. I am a winner in front of everyone, a star surrounded by people, but.none of them love me. All they care is for my fame and money. So, in reality I'm a loser. I'm a loser with nothing."  
  
Ryuichi couldn't stop his tears from falling anymore, so he let them freely roll down his cheeks.  
  
"Why live if there's no one to share happy moments and not so happy moments with? You left me and leave my life empty and loveless. I loved you and I hated you for leaving me nothing more than this pink bunny. This bunny.it made people make fun of me, but still I kept it because it was the last gift you gave me. But now.not even this can heal my broken heart. Day by day and year through year a tiny piece of me broke until now. But now, there's nothing else left. I'm completely broken, shattered into pieces. The worst thing is no one will help me gather them together again."  
  
Ryuichi bent down and left Kumagorou on top of the grave.  
  
"Sayonara Jomei. I'm a grown man, but you're still a kid. I think Kumagorou will be better with you than with a bitter old man. He likes to play a lot and I can no longer play and try to be happy. My lips can no longer give another fictional smile. Sayonara Kuma-chan and please forgive me." 'I know I'll miss you too.'  
  
Ryuichi ran away while he sobs. He ran and ran until his legs hurt and made him fall down to the ground only to let more tears escape.  
  
"Sayonara.Sayonara.Sayonara."  
  
**  
  
"YUUUKIIIII!!!"  
  
Shuichi cried in his singing tone voice, but the writer didn't responded.  
  
"YUUUUUKIIIII!!"  
  
But that was not enough to stop Shuichi from calling and looking all over the apartment if it was necessary.  
  
"Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki!!!" He found him on his office. "Finally! You were hiding from me, Yuki?" He quickly ran to the blonde's side and smile.  
  
Yuki looked up and lift a brow when he saw his lover with his back pack, but that wasn't strange. What was strange was that it was filled to the maximum, so filled Shuichi fell back and his legs floated in the air while he cried for help .  
  
"YUKI!! Help me!!!"  
  
"Baka." It was all he said, but he eventually helped the singer up. "What are you carrying in there anyway?  
  
"POCKY!"  
  
"Pocky?" Yuki rolled his eyes. "Is that how you're spending your earnings?"  
  
"OH! No, no, no! I didn't buy them.I.well.technically, I found them."  
  
"Found hem? Where could you possibly found a Pocky treasure?" He eyed Shuichi with a questioning look.  
  
"Well.you see..I...I.I."  
  
"Oh, I see.." He stood up and took a drag from his lit cigarette. "Sakuma Ryuichi, am I right?"  
  
"."  
  
"I though he was gone, or was it all just an advertisement technique from Tohma?"  
  
"NO! Ryu-kun, I mean, Sakuma-san left. I couldn't find him anywhere!!!"  
  
Then Yuki turned around even more pissed off.  
  
"You went out looking for him?" Slowly the pink head nodded. "That's it; you can pack your bags and all your Pocky boxes and get the hell out of my apartment."  
  
"Why? Ryuichi is gone and there's no reason to be jealous."  
  
"Jealous? I am not jealous, JA, jealous of that silly singer."  
  
"Yuki is jealous." Shuichi nudge Yuki a couple of times. "Come on, accept it Yuki. You are jealous because you're afraid to lose me to Ryu-chan."  
  
"Please.like you are irreplaceable."  
  
"Yuki." The young singer looked sadly to the floor. 'He's always so mean. Can't he see those are the things that hurt me the most?'  
  
After looking at the sad rounded face of his lover for a few moments, he coldly ordered: "Take a bath and go to my room."  
  
"Are we.?"  
  
"Just do it."  
  
"H-hai!"  
  
**  
  
Long reddish locks of hair were slowly caressed without warning, and it made the young guitarist to jump from his seat.  
  
"What the fuc- ..?" But when he looked up to find out who was being so familiar, his face turned even angrier. "What do you want?" He frowned.  
  
"So, where did you left your boyfriend?" The question was followed by an evil smirk.  
  
"I have no boyfriend, but since you asked.where did YOU left your two lovers?"  
  
"Oh.they're around." To Hiro's surprised, the black haired young man sat on his table. "Nakano, why are you wasting your time with Shindo-san? Why don't you play with us? ASK is a lot better than Bad Luck and with a promising future. You are a smart guy, so do yourself a favor and quit Bad Luck before is too late and you drown on Shuichi's shit too."  
  
"So Taki. Why don't you do you a favor and get a life?" Hiroshi smiled calmly, but Taki's face started turning red. "You're just afraid to get beat up by us; because you know Shuichi is better than you. So pathetic, trying to break his group so you won't have competition. But let me tell you something, Shuichi doesn't need me or anyone to shine- he got his own light. So, no matter if I stay or quit Bad Luck, he'll always go above you."  
  
Hiroshi stood up and left the money of his coffee on the table, but left behind an angry young man.  
  
"You two will pay.no one speaks to me like that." He chuckled. "And to think I was going to make a move on you. What a waste!"  
  
**  
  
Yuki left the room after making love with his little lover to smoke another cigarette, while Shuichi wondered about them.  
  
'He's cold.even in bed. Yuki.how can I tell you? I wish I could tell you something, but you'll probably get upset.' He sighed. 'I wish you were a little more careful.you sometimes hurt me.' He sighed again. 'There's no use.there's no way I'll tell him. Like there's no way he'll let me be on top.'  
  
After a few minutes Yuki came back and sat next to Shuichi.  
  
"Aren't you going brat? I don't want you next to me tonight."  
  
Shuichi was a little surprised, even when it wasn't the first time he said that. "But why?!!" Yuki was silent. "I didn't please you?" Still there was silence. "I promise Yuki, I'll work harder until I make you feel good."  
  
"It has nothing to do with that."  
  
"Then?"  
  
"I just can't stand you."  
  
"YUKI!" As always, Shuichi's eyes gave a rain. "That's not true! You said you wanted me back the other day!!"  
  
"I made a mistake."  
  
"But Yuki-"  
  
"Out."  
  
"Yuki."  
  
"Get out, I said."  
  
"O.k."  
  
And with the saddest face in the world, he left the room and lay on the sofa.  
  
"I don't understand you."  
  
'Sometimes I feel like running away- just like Ryuichi.' He sighed sadly. "I miss you Ryu.I wish we could talk right now." Suddenly he sat up and hit his head. "I can call him!" So he grabbed the phone and call to Ryuichi's cell phone, but the recorder was on.  
  
"Sakuma-san is not available right now, he must be playing with his Kuma- doll, but don't worry! He won't be playing forever.probably. Leave a message and he or Kuma-chan will answer shortly. AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
While he listened to the recorded message, Shuichi smiled but then turned sad again after remembering what Yuki did and that his friend was gone. "Ryu, is Shu-chan. I can't find you anywhere.why you left? You didn't even say goodbye, please call me."  
  
After hanging up he threw himself back to the sofa and closed his eyes. "I miss you."  
  
**  
  
Hiya! =^.^= Sorry for the delay!!! Hope you all like! 


	15. Chapter 14

Ryuichi's Love

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter 14: Goodbye Shuichi

"Good morning, Hi-chan." *wink*

The redhead sighed and rolled over to the other side, and then it happened. He realized he wasn't alone and in just one second he was up and with his eyes popping out. "What are you doing here????" He quickly asked while covering his bare chest after realizing he wasn't wearing much.

"Oh, come on! Don't play innocent again."

"I said, what are you doing in here? How you get in?"

"Hello, you opened the door, remember?"

"No…" He was thoughtful for a moment and then his face gave all the red shades that ever existed. "You mean…IT WASN'T A DREAM??????" *shakes*

"Nope." He smirked and got closer. "It was all real." The blonde ran his fingers down the long reddish locks and steal a kiss while he waited. "So?"

"Oh God…I am officially bi."

"Hey, I though you and Shindo-san…"

"Shuichi and I?? Are you crazy, I mean… Well, I-I-I…"

"You like him but he is clueless huh?"

"How do you know? I mean…" *sweatdrop* "Damn."

"You are so cute, he he, but not as smart as you think."

"So, K…if you're going to hang out for a while…would you make some coffee?"

"Coffee, huh?" Hiroshi nodded. "I'm no servant! Get it yourself!" And then he lay down again wearing a devilish smile.

"You baka!" Hiroshi stood up and sighed once again when he saw the tanned skin completely revealed to his manager. "Damn."

"Don't worry; I already memorize it."

His face blushed once again, and then left to make some coffee.

"Don't forget mine!!" K happily added.

"Jerk!" He mumbled a few non-sense and then added. "Cream? Sugar?"

"Yes please!"

"How many sugars?"

"Two, thank you."

"Next time, you'll do it!"

"Oh, great! There will be a next time!" *Wide smile*

*Sweatdrop* "I didn't say that!"

"Oh, yes you did!"

"I'm such a fool." Hiro sighed feeling stupid.

"At least you accept it." And he burst into laughter.

**

Since Shuichi couldn't close his eyes the night before, he entertained himself by calling his two best friends, but none ever answered. He left one message on Hiro's mail box, but since he was too worried about Ryuichi he left enough messages to fill the entire memory of the mailbox.

The last call was made around four in the morning, but still Ryuichi never answered, and he finally went to bed surrendered.

It was only obvious he wouldn't be able to wake up early the next day, so when the novelist get out of his room, he found a sleeping Shuichi with the phone in his hand.

"Baka." Was all he could say, and then decided to wake him up. "Shuichi, Shuichi wake up." He shook him softly.

"Yuki…" Shuichi mumbled in his slumber while he turned to the other side.

"Shuichi!" He sighed. "Looks like he didn't sleep at all." So he decided to let him be and prepare some breakfast. "Why do I bother?" The novelist asked himself. _'Why do I care for him? It hurts to care.'_

But with the smell of food the genki singer woke up. "Hummmm… Yuki? Yuki, is that you?" He ran to the kitchen excited. "You made some breakfast?" The blonde nodded. "For me too?" He asked wishfully with bright eyes.

"Hum."

"Oh YUKI!!!" He tried to hug him, but he was pushed away. "Yuki?"

"Don't get too excited. You were lucky because you are still here."

"I know I should be gone by now, but…I couldn't sleep last night."

"Of course, you were in the phone all night. Who were you talking to, Nakano? …Sakuma?"

"None…I tried to call but-"

"So you were trying to call…" He didn't like it. "…to tell them our problems? You are just like a girl."

"Huh? A girl?"

"No, you're worst." He sat down and began to eat and then looked up to where Shuichi was standing. "It's getting cold."

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"Definitely a girl." He shook his head. "Eat."

"O…ok."

**

Sakuma Ryuichi's life was going down the drain. He felt lonelier than ever, not only because he had no one by his side, but because Kumagorou wasn't there either. No one, not even the pink bunny was there to give him some company and comfort. Since he returned from the graveyard he's been locked up in his hotel room for many hours thinking over and over what to do with his life. But the more he thinks, the less he knew and the more desperate he become.

"All I know is how to sing…" He sighed. "But I can no longer do it again. I retired and I won't sing ever again. I won't sing; I won't!" He closed his eyes to let the tears escape his eyes. It hurt. Knowing he would no longer sing was tearing him apart. Knowing he won't even have Kuma-chan beside him was tearing him apart.

"I'm torn. I have nothing." He was silent for a few minutes and then another tear escaped his eyes. "Maybe I should join you nii-chan. Maybe you are right and the only way out to suffering is death." His body begins to shake after listening to his last words. _'Do I want to die?_' He sat up and looked around the room. "This is not what I want, all I want is…" He closed his eyes and the only think he could see was pink. Beautiful pink hair and big purple eyes looking at him, and the rounded face before him was wearing a smile. "Shuichi…" He shook his head heavily many, many times. "He can't love me; he won't ever love me. I'm loveless…loveless. Forever loveless. Forever…forever…"

He rocked on the bed while his tears bath his beautiful face. He rocked and rocked until his body was shaking so strongly he couldn't even rock anymore.

"I want to die. He doesn't care…he probably don't even remember me or care that I left. Actually…he must be happy that I won't be between him and his precious Yuki."

Sakuma-san stood up to search through his bags. "Where is it?" All the clothes were flying like a rocket, and all his belongings as well. He grabbed the cell phone and threw it to the side until he found a bottle of pills. "Here it is. This should do it."

**

The saddest face in the world was wear by Bad Luck's leading man- Shuichi Shindo. He had many things on his mind, first Yuki and his rollercoaster attitude. One day he was 'lovable' and the other he was painfully hard on him. 

"Yuki…I wonder if you truly care for me or I'm just a toy for you?" He sighed while walking extremely slowly through the streets that would lead him to NG Studios. "Maybe all you want is someone to fuck with." He decided to sit down on a bench to think a little more. "It can't be that."

_'At least, I don't want to believe that.'_

"I wish Ryu-chan was here- he always made me feel better." He scratched his head. "And where the hell is Hiro when you need him???" He cried hysterically on the bench while shaking his hands in the air like a lunatic. It was then that he decided to give another try and call Sakuma-san on his cell phone. "Maybe he finally decided to answer."

**

Sakuma has been staring to the bottle of pills on his hand for a few hours by now. He wasn't sure if it was 'the right thing to do' or if he was just acting like a coward by running away from life.

"There's no other way out…it's not like someone is going to truly miss me." He sarcastically begins to laugh at himself. "I'm so pathetic, not even one single person loves me in this world. All my fans just love the music or the way I sing, but none of them love the real me. The man I am or the child in me."

_'It is the best. I'll do a favor to the world by disappearing.'_

He opened the bottle and wondered how many would be enough to stop his heart for beating again, how many will stop his breathing forever.

"I'll take them all, just to make sure I won't be here tomorrow." He stood up and to look at his reflection in the mirror one last time. "You won't be alone anymore, Sakuma-san…" He smiled, filled his hands with pills and then looked up to his reflection once again. "Don't be scared, you'll be alright. You'll be with your brother, with your nii-chan." He closed his eyes while he placed all the pills he could inside his mouth and before swallowing had a last though.

_'Goodbye Shuichi.'_

**

That's it for now, tune in for the next chapter soon! I think I will be ending this story soon. :P Well I hope everything flows in my brain naturally. Please don't hate me people!!!!!!

=^.^= meow!


	16. Chapter15

Ryuichi's Love

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter 15: Remember Me

ASK leading man, Taki, wanted to be number one no matter what it would take. That was why he needed to get rid of the person that can totally ruin his future plans- Shindo Shuichi. Yes, Bad Luck's vocalist was probably the most hated person by Taki.

_'That brat won't take MY glory away. He's just a punk, a loser. I'm Taki from ASK, who does HE think he is?'_ The black haired man though while he recorded a single. _'I am better. I am the best, the best, the best!'_

Suddenly the music stopped and Ma-kun yelled: "Dam, Taki- you messed up! That sucked!"

"I'm with ya!" Ken-chan agreed.

"What do you two know?" He angrily responded. "Let's take it from the top."

"Alright."

_'I can't screw up…I have to do it better... Better than Shuichi.'_

**

Shuichi was dialing Ryuichi's number, when Hiro came into the picture.

"Shuichi! What the hell are you doing in there? We've been waiting for you for hours!" He quickly slid right next to him. "Why are you here and not at the studio?"

"I was about to make a call."

"Can't it wait? You just came from Yuki's apartment, right?"

"Right, but-"

"Let's go then!" He happily grabbed his arm and pulled him up. "C'mon!"

"HIRO!!!" He yelled while his best friend dragged him inside the building. "HIRO! Let go! Let go! I gotta call!"

"Stop making excuses, Shindo-kun." He pulled once again, but Shuichi managed to sneak away from his grip and then the guitarist turned around looking confused. "What's up?"

"I need to make a call- I told you. I'll be there in a sec, but pleeease- it is important."

"What is this all about? You had another fight with Yuki?"

"Well…it has nothing to do with Yuki. I just have a bad feeling. I suddenly feel like something terrible is about to happen. My chest hurts. Tell K I'll be there in a sec. Onegai!"

"Ok, but…if something is wrong I want to be there for you. So…I'll wait right here, k?"

"Ok."

**

A trembling hand slowly approached the clear glass of water on top of the desk. The shakes were so strong most of the water started spilling after the glass was reached. The face reflected on the mirror possessed the deepest sorrows that can be felt inside a human's heart, the eyes were overflowing with tears of pain, and the glass held couldn't stand still on his lips.

_'I'm so scared.'_

He tried to hold back his fears, but couldn't.

_'I have to do it. Don't be scared…it is only the best. You know it's the best. He doesn't remember you.'_

But deep inside wasn't completely convinced yet.

_'Do it. Do it! DO IT! DO IT!!' _

He yelled to himself through his thoughts.

_'DO IT!!! DAMMIT! DIE SAKUMA-SAN! DIE!!!!'_

_'You're nothing. You're alone. You're loveless. He doesn't remember you. No one cares for you. No one will. No one. Ever…do it! DO IT! SAWALLOW!'_

He felt his throat starting to surrender and his hand to settle.

_'I am ready. It's now or never.'_ He pours the water inside his mouthful when suddenly a ring echoed through the empty room. 'What's that?!' He chocked and spit out the pills all over the floor, and then started coughing strongly while kneeling down. _'What's that sound?'_ He asked himself one more time. _'A ring…?' _And then it hits him_. 'A phone ring!'_ He stood up from the floor and started searching through the mess he made until he found it.

"My phone!" He grabbed it and saw it- it was Shuichi's number. "Shu-" He pressed the phone to his chest_. 'He remembered me! He remembered…'_

**

"And?" The read head asked.

"Nothing- he didn't answer."

"So, why don't you leave a message?"

His cheeks turned bright pink- just like his hair.

"So?" Hiroshi insisted.

"I already fill it- there's no space for more."

Hiro grinned and then started laughing. "That is so much like you! C'mon- he's probably fine."

"You think?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you so happy today? Did something happen?"

Now Hiro's face matched Shuichi's hair. "Uhm…well..eerrrmmmm..no, nothing in particular." He then sheepishly smiled. "Let's go, or K will threat us with his gun again."

"O…k." He walked in along with his best friend. _'I just wish Ryu-chan is ok.'_

****

I want to thank everyone reading this story and most of all thanks for the reviews! =^.^= They make me sooo happy and of course, they make me want to continue writing too! Hope you all enjoy this chapter and feel a little more relieved. How could you guys think I would kill my RYU-CHAN! He, he, he… bye for now! Meow! =^.^=


	17. chapter 16

**Ryuichi's Love**

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter 16: The Sound of Your Voice

Shindo Shuichi was rehearsing with his band mates; they had postponed the famous concert in which Sakuma Ryuichi and company were supposed to present their new music to the fans. But after Ryuichi's retirement Bad Luck had to take over Nittle Grasper's place.

_'I can't do it! I can't be better than Ryu-chan…'_ The genki singer though while he sung. _'I wish… I wish Sakuma-san was here. Sakuma-san always knew what to say…he always ease my crying heart. Sakuma-san…I never though I'll miss you so much. I miss you. I miss you…'_

Suddenly tears came out of his eyes without warning, and everyone stopped playing wondering what was wrong with Shuichi.

"Shuichi?" Hiro was surprised, just like everyone else.

"Shindo-kun what's wrong?" A whirlwind that had to be the producer yelled between tears.

"Ryu-chan…" He whispered. "Ryu-chan…" He looked down. "I can't do better than him."

Suddenly the tall blond that called himself Bad Luck's manager jumped to his side and pat him in the back strongly- almost making the slim body of Shuichi to go through the wall. "Do not worry! Sakuma-san has retired!"

Shuichi fell down crying harder. "Sakuma-san should be here! Sakuma-san…Sakuma-san inspires me! I have no one to compete with!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Now a gun lies on the singers head. "You don't need to compete with anyone! Now sing! The concert is tomorrow!"

GULP! "Hai." _'I do need him…why? Why do I…?'_

_'He's my inspiration.'_

**

Inside his hotel room, Sakuma Ryuichi stares at his cell phone without being able to stop his tears from falling. He felt happy.

_'Shu-chan… Shu-chan still thinks about me. I wonder if he misses me.'_ Then he got sad again. "He can't possibly miss me, right? Demo…he called." More tears fell down his face. "Shuichi remembered me…for one moment he remembered me and called me. Shuichi… My Shuichi…"

_'It's amazing how the little things can change a person's heart.'_

It was then when he decided to check his voice mail. "It's full na no da!" That was a sign saying Ryuichi felt a lot better. Better enough to act childish again, even when he didn't notice it. Then the messages begin.

"Ryu, is Shu-chan… I can't find you anywhere…why you left? You didn't even say goodbye, please call me."

"Ryuichi, it's me Shu-chan. Where are you? Why you left without saying goodbye? Please call back."

"Ryu…please call me. I need to talk to you. You're not angry with me, are you? Please, please call me. I'll be waiting your call."

"Ryu…it's me again- Shuichi. I wonder if you got any of my calls. Well, I've been trying to reach you. Are you alright? I-I-I miss you."

"Sakuma-san…Shindo Shuichi here- again. You forgot about me already? I'm sad because you left…why don't you talk to me? Why Ryu? Why you left me? Call me- ONEGAI!"

"Ryu…Ryu…Ryu… I know I'm annoying but I really want to talk to you. I need to hear its not true- Nittle Graper is not breaking up again, ne, ne? Ryu…if you care, call me. It's Shuichi."

"Ryu….I really hope you're ok because I'm getting really worried. Can't you at least call so I'll know you're ok? It's Shindo-kun. Ja."

"Hello…this is Shuichi- Bad Luck's leading singer, remember me? I've been trying to reach you. Did you get any of my messages? Well…I took all the Pocky you left, hope you don't mind. I went to the airport but you were gone, then I went to your apartment and it was empty. Ryuichi, why? Was it my fault? Please le me make it up to you. Call me back."

"Ryuichi…its Shuichi. I feel so sad right now because you won't call me back and I keep trying to reach you and nothing. I'm worried about you Ryu. What's wrong? Talk to me. I'm your friend, right? Ryu…don't forget about me. I really miss you. Remember you promised to be beside me…I have your promise ring around my finger- my lucky charm, your gift Ryu. Your gift. Call me, please call me."

"End of messages."

Ryuichi sighed. "Shuichi…" The brunette was smiling with tear drops all over his eyes. "You're so silly…don't you know I can recognize your voice very easily?" He giggled. "Kawaii…" He fell back on the bed and sighed once more. "I want to hear it again. I love when he said he misses me."

_'Shu-chan…right now I only want to hug your pink head against my chest. I want to hug you so bad…I want to hold you and feel your heart beating with mine. I wish one day…someday I can.'_

**

"I'm home!" Shuichi ran straight to Yuki's office. "YUKI!!!!!" He smiled to the serious blonde sitting in front of his computer- as always. "Daijōbu!" But even when Shuichi gave the novelist his brightest smile, he didn't move an inch and kept writing. "Yuki…are you going to our concert tomorrow?" Not a word came out of the novelist's mouth. "I see…" Slowly the boy sat down next to the ice cube that he liked to call his lover. "I would really like to see you there…I know you are not crazy about Bad Luck's music, but…I promise to be better than the last time you saw us. I mean…Suguru is now with us and we even sound better than before, so…would you give us a chance?"

Still Yuki said nothing, but Shuichi kept talking.

"I know I'm not the best, but one day I'll be the best. I'll prove it to you Yuki. I am good."

"You're annoying." He finally said. "Don't you see I'm working and you are interrupting my thoughts with your constant ranting? I swear, you can go on forever! Shut up for a second."

"Yuki…" He looked down sadly. "Gomen…but it looks like no matter when I talk to you it seems annoying. When can I talk to you then? Tell me Yuki, why? Why are you like this? Do you really want me to stay? I-I don't want to go, but…"

"Enough! We'll talk later…when I finish."

"O…k." _'I wonder when that's gonna be.'_

Still, the singer stayed there without saying another word, he just stared at nothing and waited for him to finish. Long hours passed and he was starting to fall asleep, so he decided to leave and prepare for bed. 

After all the ritual he looked once more inside the room, but Yuki was still writing. *Sighing and whispering.* "Good night, Yuki." _'I wish you were different sometimes, but…I guess I love everything about you, even your mood swings.'_

_'Is that so?'_

He lay down on the couch and closed his eyes while thinking about a different style of life beside Yuki. _'I wish he loved me enough to tell the world, or to just hold my hand when we are in public, well to actually be seen with me in public…Yuki…I just want a little care from you. That's all I want.'_

He heard footsteps coming his way when the phone rang – it was Ryuichi.

"RYUICHI!!!" After seeing the number he quickly answered and forgot all about Yuki. "Ryu! Ryu! Is that you?" Silence. "Ryuichi I can't hear you…are you there? Say something? Ryu…"

"Shuichi…" A whisper was heard on the other side.

_'It's him!!! It's Ryuichi's voice… his soothing voice.'_ He smiled and then sighed. "I'm glad…you're ok. I was so worried! Don't do this again!"

"Shu…" Ryuichi didn't know what to say, in fact he didn't even remember dialing Shuichi's number, but now he was listening to his voice. _'Talk to me. I want to hear the sound of your voice…your beautiful voice.'_

"Eh? Ryu… Can't you say something else? I've been waiting for you to call me and you won't say a word? Ryuichi…tell me, how are you? Please."

"I'm ok. Thanks." _'Thank you for saving me.'_

"Where are you? I miss you!"

"Good luck on your concert, ja." He hung up.

"Ryu? Ryu? RYU?? He hung up!" Then he sighed. "But at least he's alright." He smiled and then looked up to the frowning Yuki. "He's ok, isn't it great?"

"Like I care." He turned around.

"Yuki? You wanted to talk now?"

"No." He locked the door behind him after slamming it hard enough to hurt Shuichi's ears.

"Jealous?" He giggled. "Looks like it…but Ryu is alright!" He quickly dialed Hiro's number. "HIRO! HIRO! Guess who called?"

"Ryuichi?" The read head mumble in his slumber.

"HAI! He's ok! But he didn't say much…just wish us good luck for tomorrow."

"I'm glad." _'Now he won't be so upset anymore- hopefully.'_ "Listen I gotta go, we talk tomorrow. I was sleeping you know."

"GOMEN! Ja."

Hiro turned around and looked into Bad Luck manager's eyes. "Ryuichi called him."

"I see. So, is he ok?"

"Yup. Night, K."

"Night? I though we were just staring?"

"Night."

He sighed. "This didn't turn out like I planned." And the read head smiled to him one last time.

_'What the heck… I can always watch his sleep. He looks so perfect and peaceful. Hiroshi…what have you done to me?'_

"K-san… Turn off the light. Are you staying?"

"Yes."

"Then lie down and hold me." _'I sound so needy. He'll hate it.'_

"Alright." _'I guess he feels lonely too.'_

**

It was the night of the concert. Shuichi and company were waiting backstage with K and Sakano. The place was crowded and Shuichi was excited.

"So many people! Did you see Hiro-kun?"

"Yup, looks like we're on the spotlight tonight. So we better do great."

Suguru then turn around to face them. "Don't worry, I'm here- everything will be fine."

Both Hiro and Shuichi sweat-dropped. _'Like he's the star.'_

Soonner after Tohma joined them, that only meant one thing- the show was about to start.

"This is your chance Shindo-san, you better not blew it this time."

"Hai!" He faintly smiled to him and then took off. 

Bad Luck did pretty well, the girls squealed like crazy and everyone seemed to be enjoying the show. Shuichi guessed Yuki never came, but this time it didn't stop him from shining. At the beginning he was sad, but Ryuichi's words were echoing within him. He could clearly hear the sound of his voice beautifully chanting inside his brain:

_~I know you can do it Shuichi… I believe in you.~_

On top of that, he saw a shadow in a corner that he could swear it was his idol, his friend- Sakuma Ryuichi.

_'This is for you, Sakuma-san!'_

So he did eventually shone like the star he was.

**

After the show Shuichi ran all over the place searching for Ryuichi. _'He's here, I know I saw him. It was him! It was Ryu-chan! Ryu-chan!'_

"RYUICHI!!" He called again and again. "RYUICHI WHERE ARE YOU?!" He tried to find him but no matter how fast he ran and how much he called, he couldn't find him until an arm grabbed him and pulled him into the darkness.

"Ryuichi…? Is that you?"

**

That's it for now na no da!!! =^.^= 

Don't forget to review!!!! Ja!


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: Ok this chapter has a lot of Yukiand a lot of Yuki angst toojust don't feel too sorry for him, k? Because Ryuichi is our guy, k? =^.^=

Don't get me wrong, I do love Yuki, so it's very hard for me to decide the ending of this ficI still don't know for sure. I promise more Ryu and Shu in the next chapter! Hope you all enjoy!

**

Ryuichi's Love

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter 17: Phone Calls

_It is better this way, I hope you understand. I know I hurt you, but I'll hurt you more if I stay by your side'_

The novelist walked away from the entrance of the stadium where Bad Luck was performing. Of course he went, he wouldn't miss his hyper lover for anything in the world, but of course he couldn't tell him.

_You'll end up hating me That's better than ending in a coffin.'_

**

Nakano-san! Where is Shuichi? There's going to be an interview! We're gonna be on TV! Where is he? The youngest member of Bad Luck asked anxiously.

Hiroshi looked side to side. I don't know; he suddenly took off Maybe he saw Yuki.

Then let's go find him before Tohma gets upset.

The two of them ran off to find Shuichi and be able to make it in time for the interview, but no matter where they looked, the boy was nowhere found.

I give up. Hiroshi finally said while panting for running so much.

Call him! Suguru frowned.

Alright! Don't be so pushy! But to his surprise, Shuichi didn't answer the call. It's strangehe didn't answer. Well, maybe they're home already and want to be left alone, if you know what I mean. He winked an eye.

Suguru's face quickly blushed. AH! Why you had to say that?! Now I got a horrible image in my head!

Hiro chuckled. You have a vivid imagination thenfor your age.

What is that supposed to mean? And Hiro only answer with laughter.

**

Eiri was sitting on a table nonchalantly drinking a cup of coffee when he saw the news.

~Shindo Shuichi kidnapped? After tonight's concert the leading singer of the new pop bad from NG, Bad Luck, has disappeared. Rumors said he may have run away with his lover Sakuma Ryuichi!~

Yuki chocked and begin to cough after the shocking news. ? It can't be Then he quickly ran away to make sure Shuichi wasn't at his apartment while he tried reaching him on the phone without luck.

Dammit! Shuichi He drove away very fast trying to get there as soon as possible.

_He got tired of me? No It can't bewas his love so weak?'_

_There's got to be a mistake. Maybe notI've made enough for him to hate me already and THE CALL! Ryuichi called him and Shuichi did mention he was waiting for his call'_

The novelist called his name with melancholy. He felt his chest constricting with an unknown pain that wouldn't let him breathe normally. His throat was hurting and to his surprise a tear escapes his eyes. It's been many years since he last cried, and now he was giving tears away for a young man that suddenly appeared into his life. He abruptly washed the tear away but deep inside felt a strong power that was consuming him, sorrow. _Don't leave me'_

**

well all we found was this. Tohma showed him a replica of Kumagorou, Shuichi's Kumagorou.

I seebut that's Shuichi's doll, not Ryuichi's- right? How can you be sure they're together?

Well, all the people that saw him after the show said he was calling Ryuichiso we guess they were meeting after the show.

Why would he leave without trace?

Maybe they just went out for a walk or somethingdon't worry. He smiled, as always.

Then why I heard on the news he ran away?

I just though it was more dramaticnot to mention romantic. He smiled again, but noticed Yuki was far from smiling back. I never though it will upset you, after all you did say you wanted to break up with himso here's your chance.

Don't ever interfere with Shuichi and me. He turned around frowning and leaves.

Tohma sighed. That went well. Another smile appeared on his lips.

**

Yuki sat down on his couch with a beer in hand trying not to think about the possibility of Shuichi and Ryuichi together. Doing what? He suddenly imagined Ryuichi dressed like Kumagorou and Shuichi dressed like a puppy running in the park, and couldn't help but to sweatdrop. Something was below him and was making him uncomfortable, so he decided to take it out, and when he did it turns out he was sitting on top of Shuichi's Kumagorou doll. Nani? Then His eyes widened. Whose doll was that?!

**

Ryuichi sighed and rolled over. my beautiful; I'm so happy. He smiled. Today has been the best day of my life, so far. You are wonderfulthank you. He kept smiling.

He stood up from the bed and decided to take a warm bath. I really needed itI'm so dirty, I even smell. He giggled. I never though this would happen, and now I feel the strength to live and to fight. Maybemaybe I'll even sing again. His smile widened. All thanks to Shuichi, to my dear Shuichi. He was thoughtful for a moment. I just had an idea!!!! He jumped and slip ending sitting down on his butt. He laughed like he used to laugh, like that kid he had hid inside. I'm so silly na no da!!

**

He's not home yet. Maybe he really left for good. The novelist drank from his beer.

_It's my fault. I make his life miserable.'_

And another drink.

_I'm the baka.'_

If you returnI'll kick you out myself. He opened a new can and drink straight through it.

_I hope he returnssoon.'_

He threw the can against the wall and opened another one.

_Is he making love with Ryuichi?'_

At the same time the can hit another wall.

_He can go to hell if he wants to.'_

Shuichi is mine.

_Screw him, who needs an annoying brat like him.'_

_Who needs him?' _Tears.

I do. He crashed down to the floor sadly, feeling pitiful for himself. I do.

**

Hiroshi couldn't sleep that night. No matter how much he called Shuichi, he never answers, but still he insisted.

Why don't you cut it out for tonight? If he's with Ryuichihe'll be exhausted. K mumbled annoyed by the attention Hiroshi was giving to Shuichi. _He still loves him'_

I'm sorry K, but I'm truly worried. Shuichi never disappears like that- never! He always answers his phoneI think even when he's having sex wit Yuki.

I doubt; that guy would probably kill him. He got a maniacs look on his face...or should I saya killer's look.

Look who's talking! Rambo!

It's actually different. I'm in the military.

Oh please, just shut up. I'm trying to think.

Well, sorry if I bother you. He sat down next to him. Will you stop calling Shuichi?

Fine, then I'll leave.

The blonde stood up trying to get the young male's attention, but it didn't worked. Hiroshi wouldn't stop dialing Shuichi's number. If you ever get tired of following Shuichi give me a call.

He quickly walked away very disgust.

I blew it. ButI need to find Shuichi. Then he saw K left his cell phone behind and smiled. He probably has Ryuichi's number, ke ke, and he wouldn't give it to me, huh? He chuckled and searched for the number. Here it is! So he quickly dialed and waited.

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring*

And a new messaged was heard.

_~Sakuma-san is unavailable, please leave a message after the tone.~_

_A serious Sakuma-san?'_

But after hearing the tone he hung up and sighed.

Then they must be together I wonder how Yuki is taking it. He sighed once again. I should call K and apologize.

**

Yuki was drunk; he drank so many beers not even he could take it. He believed this time he really lost Shuichi.

Go to hell Shuichi. I hope you have tons of pink bunnies with Ryuichi and jump all over town with your stupid outfits! I hope you start a new band together call Kumabobos (hint: bobos means silly or stupid in Spanish :P) and sing songs about the Eastern bunny. He begins to laugh sarcastically. The Eastern bunny

While he agonize thinking the worst, he decided to call Shuichi and tell him just the way he felt, so he did. After the tone, he left his message.

I hate you Shuichi. I hope you go to hell. Go far away from me and don't ever return! Screw your dirty ass with Ryuichi if you want to, have pink bunnies as sons and daughters, and sing silly Eastern songs for the rest of your life if you want tobut don't ever show your face! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

He hung up, and then begins to cry hard. I hate youI hate youEiri-san. I hate you. Now only his sobs could be heard inside the empty walls of his apartment. Yuki Eiri had a heart after all, a broken heart.

**

Mika was frowning. How could you Tohma? Eiri is not even answering my calls!

Tohma sighed. Has he ever listened to you anyway? I though it was good publicity, K did too.

What if something really happened to him?

I doubt it. Ryuichi and Shuichi are very close friends, sohe's probably with him. I mean, Ryu probably needs someone to talk toafter all he did.

Ryuichi was depressed, that's all. But I do believe he'll returnsoon. AND if he takes Shindo-san away from Yukihe's welcome. You know I don't approve their relationship.

_Me neither.' _Tohma though_._

did you called Ryu-chan?

I won't call him.

How immature, it's not like you, but fine.

**

Bad Luck's new manager was cleaning his toys while he argues with nothing but an imaginary Hiro.

Always Shuichiwhat does he see in him anyway? He's cute and all, buthe's so immature and annoying! Not to mention adorable, sweet, and loving- BUT THATS NOT THE POINT!

He frowned.

I'm an older manjust what he needs. Hiro is a mature young man intelligent enough to know the difference between a boy and a MAN! He laughed while he pointed to Bad Luck's promo poster, exactly to Hiro's forehead. Better notice me you idiot!

He sighed and let his gun fall down to his side. Who am I kidding, Shuichi will always be first for him. After all, he IS his best friend. I just hope he thinks about me tooat least sometimes. He smiled sadly. How pathetic I sound. Thank God no one can hear me say something like that. 

**

Hiro was tired of calling Shuichi, so he finally put his phone down and sighed. Maybe I should really call Knah! It will make me look desperate, right? He lay back and put an arm over his face. But I feel lonely already. It was then that his phone rang and the read head end up sitting straight in less than a second and answering the phone without even looking at the number. His eyes widened when he heard the voice in the other side, but he listened and then ran outside alarmed.

**

That's it for now! I knowanother cliffhanger. :P GOMEN! =^.^= I just want to keep you all waiting, muwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ja!


	19. Chapter 18

**Ryuichi's Love**

By Kitty-Kat

Chapter 18: What I need

The morning arrived and Hiroshi wouldn't move away from Shuichi or even dare to fall asleep.

_'It's my fault!'_

He angrily punched the wall.

_'Those bastards… Now what should I do?'_

He sighed and softly caressed the soft pink locks spread over his pillow. 

"Shuichi…"

One lonely tear rolled down his cheek while he thinks of the solution. 

_'Please forgive me… I only want to protect you.'_

**

Tohma was sitting on his office since very early waiting for some news about Shuichi. Eiri wouldn't answer his calls, neither did K, and so he waited impatiently to finally know the singer's location and status.

"If someone would respond my phone calls…hum…maybe I should call him."

He dialed his former singer number to finally find out if he actually was with Shuichi. "C'mon…Ryu." He nervously tapped his fingers on the table.

"MOSHI MOSHI!!!" The voice on the other side laughed happily. "Ohaiyo Tohma-san!"

The blonde was surprised to hear him so cheerful. "Humm…I can see you feel better."

"HAI! How's Noriko and Mika-chan?" Once again a sing song voice answered joyfully.

"They're fine…I'm glad you're ok. I was starting to worry."

"There's no need. Shu-chan helped me." The singer smiled right after pronouncing the beloved name- Shuichi.

"Shindo-san…is he with you?"

"Shu-chan? Nah! He's probably sleeping after last night's concert. So, how was it?"

"You're clueless Ryuichi…haven't you watched the news? Shuichi was kidnapped last night." He sighed and then finished. "We actually though he was with you." 

"Nani??? You though I kidnapped Shu-chan??" The only suggestion surprised him and most of all hurt his feelings. "How could you Tohma? And to think I was happy you called…You-you…" _'He thinks I'm a kidnapper?!!! So cruel…he knows I'm innocent, doesn't he?'_

"I'm sorry Ryuichi…" *Beep beep beep* "Ryu? Ryu? … He hung up." He sighed. "Way to go Seguchi." _'You know Ryu… He's so fragile.'_

**

"I wonder what K will say…he'll be angry…well angrier." He was drinking from a cup of coffee when Shuichi finally moved and moan. "Shuichi!" The read head quickly sit beside him. "I'm here with you…no one's going to hurt you again. I promise." _'I'll do anything…anything Shuichi, even if it means…a breakup.'_

"Ahhhhh." He softly moans. "Hiro? Hiro, is that you?" Trying to open his eyes.

"Don't force yourself, rest. They beat you up pretty bad."

"Hnnnn. Itai, itai."

"I know. I'm so sorry I wasn't there." The sadness in Hiroshi's eyes was very noticeable.

"I though it was Ryuichi… But it wasn't him. Someone fooled me. He even had a Kumagorou…he was dressed like Ryu-chan…I wanted to see Ryu-chan and then…hnnn…I don't know what happened, but it hurts now. Ryu wouldn't hurt me- I know."

"It wasn't him…now try to rest. I've been trying to reach Yuki but he's not answering the phone."

"…"

"I'll call again."

"No…forget about Yuki." Shuichi was silent for a few seconds. "Yuki doesn't care for me. I told him. I told him it was over if he didn't show up… And he didn't show up."

"When did you tell him?"

"In the morning. He just hates Bad Luck, but if he hates Bad Luck, then he hates a part of me. I can't be with him if he hates what I do… I only wanted for him to like me the most, but…it's only my dream. Yuki. Yuki is cold hearted and doesn't care about how I feel." Tears flow down his damaged face.

"Shuichi…" _'He's more hurt emotionally than physically.'_

"I don't think Yuki is what I need right now. I need someone who can support me in this process I'm going through. I want to live my dream, and I'm going to do it with or without him. And the truth is…he's getting on the way. All he does makes me walk a step backward and I need to go straight forward. I don't need his unsupportive attitude. I need someone who can understand me and share my happiness- Yuki is not that person. He will never be happy to see me singing, because…because he hates my music. That makes me wonder, how can I love someone that hates my music, when my music is only a reflection of my heart?"

"Shuichi…" _'I guess he's right. Music does come from the heart- from Shuichi's big and beautiful heart.'_

Hiro couldn't say anything in response, only get lost in his own thoughts.

_'How can I hurt him even more then…? What I must do will break him- I know it will. This was **OUR** dream after all…not his alone. We were on this together from the start…I wanted to be there until the end. Now…things will change.'_

"Hiro…what are you thinking? Do you think I'm being selfish?"

"Not at all Shuichi…you've give enough already and…what exactly did he gave you in return?"

"Exactly." He softly rolled to the side to get a better look at his best friend's face. "Do you mind if I stay a few days…I'll get a room of my own- I promise."

"You can stay all you need- you're my dearest- you know that, don't you?"

Even when his face was swollen and the skin was broken in some areas the pink shades on his cheeks were noticeable. "Hiro…" And then he tried to smile. "Arigato."

"There's no need to thank me." Hiroshi held his hand for a moment. "You are special to me…you've always been." His other hand softly caressed the pink locks of Shuichi while this one opened his eyes in confusion. "I just wish you've seen me, but it didn't turn out that way, but it's ok…as long as you are happy. NOW we only have to make that one a fact. I want to see you happy Shuichi, truly happy."

"Arigato Hiro…I want to see you happy too." Then both smile. "We'll make it."

**

"Baka…baka…baka…" '_You're the number one idiot Eiri-san. Number one idiot.'_

He rubbed his golden head trying to ease the pain away. _ 'And you are still hoping he'll show up- but you though he wasn't serious. It's your fault…now he must be in that bigger idiot's arms.'_

He sat up and felt dizzy for a while. '_I think I need to lie down again._' So he did. "Baka!" His face reflected intense sadness. '_Maybe I should call…_' Then he had a flashback. "OH GOD!" He remembered the phone call and the horrible message he left. _'If he heard that by now… "Baka, baka, baka, baka…BAKA!"_

**

Back in Tokyo the ex-leading singer of Nittle Grasper went straight to Hiro's apartment without even stopping to leave his luggage on his own apartment. _'I need to see Shu-chan! I hope he's ok.'_

He knocked the door insistently. "Hiro, it's me Sakuma-san!"

"Coming!" A voice responded from inside. "Good eve-" He didn't let him finish; Ryuichi ran straight inside to go find Shuichi and left Hiro greeting the air. He snickered. "Oh, good to see you too. NOT!!!!!" Then he followed.

"SHU-CHAN!!!!" He yelled in horror when he saw the bruises on the skinny boy's face. "Shu-chan, who hurt you?" His eyes were already a river. "Shu…whoever did this will pay- I swear, baby." Shuichi had his eyes half opened since the eyelids were a bit swollen and hurt. "Did you go to the hospital?"

"No, he won't let me take him or even call someone for help. In fact you are the only one besides me that knows what happened."

"Shu-chan, we have to take you to a doctor na no da! What if you have something broken inside?!! We'll call an ambulance!"

"There's no need Ryuichi…I feel better already." Ryu was silent. "I'm so glad you made it back to Tokyo…I missed you lots." He managed to smile- Shu was happy to see him.

"I missed you tons Shu-chan…but I won't leave you again."

"You better not." He lifted his hand slowly and showed him the ring. "You promised."

"I know. I'll be beside you- always." Ryuichi grabbed the younger singer's hand and smiled. "But…" He turned into the serious Sakuma. "We have to attend your wounds; don't refuse to go treat yourself anymore. You're not a spoil baby. Hiro, call an ambulance!"

Hiro opened his eyes in disbelief. _'He's giving me orders in my own apartment? Jeeze!'_ "Ok." _'Just because it's for Shuichi's own good.' _He sighed_. 'Am I jealous or what?'_

**

"Ahhh I'm relief." Tohma and K sighed. "Thank you Nakano-san."

"So he's with Hiro and Ryuichi at the hospital. Does Yuki know?" The taller blonde wondered.

"Probably not if he's not there."

"The question now is…who would want to hurt Shuichi and why?"

"We'll find out, and then…whoever did it must prepare. No one messes with Seguchi and even less with Eiri."

"But, no one touched Yuki." K mocked.

"Not directly, but they touch the one he loves. Knowing him, that's even worst than hurting him directly. Let's go get him."

"Ok."

**

Eiri was running through the white corridors accelerating his speed more and more with each step. '_Shuichi!'_ What he doesn't know is that Shuichi isn't alone. Tohma was about to tell him when they got to the hospital, but he quickly step out of the car and leave them behind without letting him explain. Finally he reached the room and stopped to gasp for some air. _'This is the moment of truth. I must confess or lose him forever.'_

He felt his heart accelerating and his hand shaking while it reaches the knob to open the door. He shut his eyes for a moment before finally turning the knob of the barrier that was keeping him away from his beloved. He opened them again and took a deep breath. 

'_This is my last chance.'_ And he opened the door.

**

OH GOOD! I think I'm almost done with this story! MEOW! So, who is it going to be? kekekekekeke, but not quite yet, there is still a little bit more drama to come. But it won't take long, so start voting. Ryuichi or Yuki???

By the way, only one person guessed correctly about whom took Shuichi away (And beat him up! =;_;=). I guess everyone should know by know, ne? ja!

Please R+R! =^.^=


	20. Chapter 19

**Ryuichi's Love**

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter 19: _ Forever Smiling_

It all suddenly turned gray. The time stopped forever…

There were two men looking at each other with surprise. _ What is he doing here?_ Both wondered at the same time, and then another question with the same answer also crossed their minds. 

_Should I go? No…I want to be beside him- because I love Shuichi._

The time stay still -only stares across the room from golden eyes to blue- and a sleeping body healing the deepest wounds. But for Shuichi was the same, the time didn't continue because in his heart the same wounds kept bleeding.

Finally, the blonde made his move forward deciding to ignore the other male sitting next to his pink love. Each step echoed inside the room screaming in Ryuichi's ears –he's mine! The look in the blonde's eyes also yelled he's mine – go away! But Ryuichi swallow hard and stay silent waiting for was about to happen.

_'This is it.'_ The blue eyes closed slowly with sadness. _'You better make him happy Yuki…I'm tired of seeing him sad because of you. But…I won't leave him again, not this time Yuki. This time I'll be beside him for real.'_

"What the doctor said?" The writer asked seriously and coldly toward the other singer.

"He'll survive. No broken bones…just a few cuts- nothing serious."

The blonde sighed in relief. "How long he's been sleeping?"

"About an hour- he was tired."

"Well…you don't have to stay. I'll take care of him."

"I want to stay. I won't leave- I promised Shuichi." Ryu acted serious all the time, not even once he let out that kid that suddenly took over his body and made him look silly- but no, not in front of him. Not in front of the man that had stolen the love of two men he had also loved. He wanted to be mature, for once, and acted like the 31 year old he was. "Shuichi… Shuichi is hurt Yuki. More than he looks like. His wounds are not only superficial."

"…"

"The one that hurt him the most wasn't the idiot that beat him up. It was you; you tore his heart."

"I ripped it in million pieces- I know. That's why I'm here… Will you please let me talk to him?"

"When Shuichi wakes up…I'll leave. Only because it's the first time you asked nicely."

"Fine."

**

Meanwhile Hiroshi drank from his coffee cup in the cafeteria trying to calm his stress away.

_'When ? When should I tell him?...And how?'_

He sighed in frustration and recalled that phone call.

_~Don't forget my offer if you don't want something worse to happen to him. *Laughter was heard* Come see my work of art Nakano-san it's right in your doorstep.~_

"Damn." He whispered right at the same moment a tall longhaired blonde sit in front of him. "K!" He was surprise to see him.

"So, how's Shuichi?"

"Not so good, what do you expect."

"I guess. Look, I'm sorry. You were right- he was in trouble after all and I didn't believe you. I guess no one knows Shuichi better than you do. Friends?"

"Look K… I don't think this going to work. You and I are completely different and I…I'm not into older men."

"Oh… So now you're not into older men, huh?" He frowned. _ 'That's not what you said the other night when you shiver with passion in my arms…'_ He sighed. "Fine, I'm not begging a brat like you to like me. If you want to be Shuichi's napkin all your life, that's fine. Just…forget what happened. Now our relationship is strictly monetary."

"I'm sorry K…but I will no longer play in Bad Luck. Last night's show was my last as a Bad Luck member."

"What???! Hiro, I think you're exaggerating!"

"It's not because of you…it's me. I have to go away from Shuichi. You're right; I better part my own way so I can forget. He has Yuki or Ryuichi…whoever he chooses. I will always be just Hiro."

'_He'll never love me…Shuichi is a thorn in his heart.'_ "So…you're really leaving?" _'Please say no.'_

"Yes. I just don't know how to tell him. He's very hurt right now."

"You know Shuichi, one moment he's sad and the other he's all excited. So don' worry about him and Yuki." _'Hey and don't worry about me either! Huh, like you even care.'_ "They probably make out by now…he came with Tohma and me."

"He did?!" K nodded. "Then it's final…I quit Bad Luck." He stood up and looked down at K's sad face. "It was a pleasure working with you. Please make sure Shuichi goes straight to the stars and take good care of him. I'll tell him myself as soon as he recovers."

"Sure…good luck to you too." _'And good luck to my broken heart.'_

Hiroshi left with sorrow but it was something he had to do. _'I hope you're happy Aizawa.'_

"Hiro-kun…I guess this is goodbye." K looked at the dissolving silhouette walking away from him. He wasn't that far, but the droplets blurring his sight made him look like he was in fact disappearing. _ 'I'll miss you.'_

**

Purple eyes finally found the light again and with the light the sight of two beautiful faces looking down at him. Both looked really worried and both took his breath away.

_'Ryu…Yuki…! Oh God, I can't breathe!'_

"Are you alright?" Both males asked simultaneously and the pink head nodded. 

"Do you want something? Anything?" Sakuma asked quickly.

"Yes. Don't go anywhere…" He slowly reached for Ryuichi's hand. "I want you to stay every minute by my side from now on." He didn't look to where Yuki was, even less to the blonde's eyes.

_'He's ignoring me?'_

"I won't go Shu-chan. I'll take good care of you."

"Shui-" Yuki tried to speak up, but Shuichi quickly started talking so he wouldn't hear him.

"Where's Kuma-chan? I want to play Ryu."

"I'm sorry Shu…Kumagorou is no longer with me. I left him home where he belongs."

"Too bad…" He was silent, so Yuki tried once again to talk.

"Shuichi, I-"

"But we can color something, right?" Ryuichi nodded. "You have colors?"

"…" Yuki was getting irritated.

"I think I may have somewhere…let's see."

"Alright!" Shuichi tried to act perky.

"Shuichi! Stop acting like a baby!" He didn't answer. "Stop ignoring me- I know you're aware of my presence."

"Did you hear something Ryuichi?" Ryuichi didn't dare to answer. "Better close the window."

"The window is closed Shuichi." The brunette practically whispered.

"Great, now you just turn even more immature than this big-kid beside you." His voice sounded ruff and angry.

It bothered him, the hard tone of his voice and the insults toward Ryuichi. "Get out!" Shuichi finally looked his way revealing the redness and tears inside his pretty rounded eyes. "I though I told you it was over between us. I waited like the idiot I am, but you obviously never show up. I don't know why you even bother when you are disgust by my presence and my music!"

Yuki's eyes widened with surprise. "You're wrong!"

"No I'm not! You're annoyed by me all the time and you hate my music and lyrics. You hate the music of my heart Yuki…you hate me. If you hate my music, you hate me as well because my music is what I really am. My music is the reflection of my soul, the mirror of my heart…the only way to understand it it's trough it and you obviously don't understand it. I want to start a new life without you."

"Is it about the phone call? Look I was drunk and angry because I though you left with Ryuichi."

"What phone call? I don't know what you're talking about." Yuki was surprised to hear that. "It's about you and me, nothing else. Ryuichi has nothing to do with it. I'm tired Yuki. I'm tired of trying to make you like me to only receive abuse and mistreat. I deserve better Yuki…I deserve better than the life you've given me. I'm only a sex toy for you…there are plenty on the streets, go get a new one."

Yuki was surprised to hear his cute little lover yelling to his face with such anger and pain. It was torturing to see how hurt Shuichi was, it was so clearly written all over his face and Yuki could only feel destroyed for all the sorrow he planted on his lover's heart. "Shuichi…" His eyes gave up and the tears started flowing endlessly down his cheeks. "I only came to say…" But he couldn't finish, so he turned around and covered his mouth with a hand while his body shook heavily for holding back his tears so much. _'I can't tell him. I can't keep hurting him._' "It doesn't matter…" _'You have Ryuichi now…'_

Shuichi and Ryuichi were under a shock, they never saw Yuki cry and he really looked broken after hearing all the words his beloved yelled to his face. It was all true, Shuichi deserved better than him- that was the writer's last though.

"Sayonara." He walked out and closed the door behind leaving two frozen bodies inside the room. _'It can't be true. It was too late…I already hurt him too much. But he is wrong…about all; he's wrong. I love his music…I love his smile…I love his smell…I love him completely, but that is something he'll never know. I just didn't know how to show him, and was scare to accept that in fact he was my universe. My only universe.'_

Inside the room silence was king and bitterness was queen. Shuichi felt unhappy and even selfish for not giving Yuki a chance to say a word. He wasn't sure if he made the right choice or if he just ended his last chance of happiness with Yuki.

"Yuki…It can't be true…he's gone. Gone." Finally his eyes gave a river away and his body crumbled against Ryuichi as he sob hardly and painfully trying to wash away the pain trapped inside his heart.

"Shuichi…do you want me to call him back?" _'I can't see him cry. I only want to see his smile…even if he doesn't smile for me.'_

"No…you heard him this was goodbye."

But it made Ryuichi felt terrible. _'This is wrong…Yuki loves him for real. I can tell; he was torn.'_

**

Days rolled by and Bad Luck had their first rehearsal after the concert. Sakano was there, K was there, Suguro was there, and even Shuichi was there, but someone was missing.

"Ano…where's Hiro?" Shuichi sadly asked. "He told me he'll meet me here."

"It is weird; he's always the first to get in here." Suguru assured. "Maybe he felt sick."

"But he looked fine this morning." K was silent all the way and Sakano started wondering all the horrible possibilities, from maybe he got hit by a train and his motorcycle fly and crashed against his head, to he went swimming on the lake and drown because of cramps. "Oh stop it Sakano-san…you're not helping, you know?"

A few minutes after, Aizawa walked in smiling evilly with Ken, Ma, and Hiro. "I just came to give you the good news Shindo-san. Nakano-san is my new guitarist. He decided to join ASK since we are better than your silly little band, so say goodbye to your old buddy." He smirked while Hiro looked down shamefully.

"Nani??!!" Shuichi couldn't believe it. "It's a joke, right Hiro? Right? Tell me it's a joke!" But Hiroshi didn't reply. "Hiro…? Hiro?" His eyes were already blurring with tears.

The read head cleared his throat and whispered. "I'm sorry Shuichi, its true." But he couldn't look at his dear friend's eyes, so he ran away while Shuichi tried to follow but Aizawa hold him back.

"Hold it! Just face it Shuichi, you stink. Even your best friend thinks you stink." He laughed and walked away with the other two guys and Shuichi fell down to the floor crying.

"Baka…" He whispered. "BAKA!" He screamed loudly. "BAAAKAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

Everyone looked down to where he was sitting, yelling, and crying for the stabbed he just received from behind. No one said a word, and everyone pities him for the many losses he had in the last few days.

"It's ok now…" K kneeled down. "You don't need him to succeed. You can shine with your own light Shuichi."

"I can't…I can't sing anymore."

"Don't say that!" Suguru exploded. "We'll prove him we can do it without him."

"You don't understand…this was our dream, without him it doesn't make sense anymore. It just doesn't."

Someone entered the room a few minutes before Hiroshi left and was silently watching, and it was now when he decided to make his entrance. "Shuichi…"

"Ryu!" He slump to his arms. "Ryu, Hiro..Hiro…"

"I know. But you don't need him to be successful. It will be sad for a while, but you'll get use to it. I had plans for you…and me, but I was going to wait. Now…I think it's the right time."

Shuichi looked up confused and Ryuichi answer with a smile. "Do you want to join in a band with me? I think we can be an awesome combination."

"Ryu…?"

"I'll give you some time to think about it. You'll probably want to talk this over with Hiro and all."

"No. He made his decision, from all the groups in the world he chose ASK. I won't forgive him."

"It means…?"

"You got yourself a partner." He offered Ryuichi his hand and this one quickly grabbed it to seal their contract with a handshake, but Shuichi's eyes were still dripping.

The older singer washed the droplets falling from Shuichi's eyes with his fingertips. "We'll have fun- you'll see." Ryuichi couldn't help but to smile so maybe Shuichi follow him and smile as well.

"We will." But Shuichi's eyes were still sad for his best friend's betrayal.

Everyone was surprised with all the news, and then Suguru asked sheepishly. "What about me?"

**

Meanwhile Hiroshi was locked in the bathroom hating himself for hurting Shuichi, and hating Aizawa even more. _'This won't end like this…I'll prove you were the one that kidnapped Shuichi. I'll prove it.'_

**

Yuki was drunk- again. Wondering if Shuichi will ever forgive him, but then again…he had Ryuichi, right? It looked like he was happy to have Ryu beside him instead of him. "Sakuma…Sakuma Ryuichi. You won't ruin my life- you won't." He begins to laugh. "I don't need that brat, you can have him. In fact you're doing me a favor! I'm perfectly fine by myself…no one to make noises all the time and say stupid things constantly…and…kiss me…and…hold me…and…love me…and simply…care for my existence. Simply care…for me- for this imbecile. What a fool, wasting my time thinking about a phantom when I had all I needed right beside me. He was waiting impatiently for me to simply look at him and embrace his love. Embrace his love…forever." He laughed again and sat up in front of his laptop and begins to write a new story. "Pink." He smirks. "Sound silly…I like it." But yeah, he was drunk, so he'll probably regret all he wrote in the morning. After all, it was not like him to write about himself and his personal affairs.

**

"Don't look so sad Shu-chan…" Sakuma knew it was almost impossible to make him smile. "Look, I know you're going trough a hard time- loosing your best friend and…your lover, but life goes on and you can't give up now. You may think it's easy for me to say it, but I've been there, you know. I know you think the world ended and you think there's something wrong with you…but there's nothing wrong sweetie. I know how it feels to think you're better off dead that you have nothing, and your life is empty. But you know what, it's up to you to fill it up again- that's what I'm trying to do now."

"Ryu, were you depressed? When you left? You took a while to answer my calls."

"I was more than depressed, but you saved me. You don't know it, but you saved my life Shuichi- I mean it."

"What do you mean?"

"Just trust me on that one. Now…lets get you comfy in your bedroom, k?"

"I really don't want to be a bother, but I couldn't stay with Hiro anymore."

"You are NO bother to me at all. I appreciate a little company."

"You're lonely, right?" He asked concerned, and since he really, really wanted to ask him for some time now.

"Yes, very lonely, but its ok- I guess I already get used to the idea of being alone…forever." He smiled sadly. "Maybe it's the destiny of all successful artist…well maybe not, but I've heard plenty feel lonely too. Maybe you will at some point, but hopefully you won't."

"I already feel lonely Ryu…but you know what." Ryu looked down to him and cocked his head while waiting. "I don't feel lonely when I'm with you." Shuichi lean down his head against Ryuichi's shoulder in a tender way and the older man felt his heart accelerate for an instance, but then he only caressed the pink locks he adored and smile.

"Shu…me neither."

"Will you tell me everything? All that happened while you were gone? I want to know."

"Ok, but you'll be disappointed in me."

"I won't- I promise." Both walked to Shuichi's bedroom and sat on the bed. "Ryu…?"

"Hum?"

"Now we'll have each other…is that ok?"

"..." He nodded. _'He's so sad… I know his eyes won't shine for me the way they shine for Yuki. I don't think he'll ever love me the way I love him. But it's ok, as long as he's my friend.'_

"Thank you- for your kindness."

"No Shuichi…thank you for living." He smile to him sweetly and held his face with both hands, but Shuichi's eyes were still sad. "I'll do my best to erase the sadness in your eyes. I want to see them shining again, like they used to."

"Maybe with time and care…from you they will." Shuichi took his idol's hands and looked deep into his eyes. "You're the only one I have now."

"Don't say that. I'm sure Hiro loves you, there's got to be something BIG behind this. We must figure it out- you can't just give up on your best friend, can you?"

"…" He looked down. "I'm just so sad, and hurt right now. I don't know what to think, it was all so sudden and with no reason at all. He never said he had problems with Bad Luck…"

"That proves I'm right Shu-chan! How about we play a game?"

"A game?"

He smiled. "Yes, we'll be private investigators." He wink and Shuichi giggled. "HA! I made you smile na no da!!!!!!" Then they both burst with laughter.

'_That's how I want you Shuichi, smiling, forever smiling.'_

**

Ok this is it! You see, no cliffhanger! Just to show you guys my appreciation for all your wonderful comments. They make me a happy kitty. =^.^= *purr* Meow!

To the anonymous person that said the previous chapter was 18 and not 19…YOU'RE RIGHT! :P Thanks! I fix it!

=^__^= see ya next chapter na no da!!!!! MEOWIES!


	21. chapter 20

A/N: _First of all thanks to everyone reading and reviewing! You all make me very happy with your words. I hope at the end I please everyone. _

_Well, a little something on this chapter; first of all, it's long, and second there's a part written in Ryuichi's POV. So hope that doesn't confuse anyone. Ryuichi tells his story, so hopefully you guys won't cry._

_Ah yeah, sorry if this took long, but I'm a busy kitty! =^.^=_

_ Now enjoy na no da!_

**Ryuichi's Love**

By Kitty-Kat =^.^=

Chapter 20: Revelations

I guess the moment of truth has come, for the first time I, Sakuma Ryuichi, will be telling the story of my life. I think I was ready to tell someone, but not just anyone. I could only tell the one I trust and love. I know he would never laugh at me and would listen. I know he will, and I know opening my heart to him is a good step. I don't want to hide my past, present, or future to him. I love him and because I do I want to share everything, absolutely everything with my beloved Shuichi.

"Ok, I'll tell you everything Shu…but promise to keep it a secret."

"I promise Ryu- you can trust me." He put his small hand on the older man's shoulder and this one nodded and started his story.

"I couldn't remember well, but little by little my memories came back. Probably my brain shut the memories away to protect my heart from crying, but I guess my screaming heart couldn't take it anymore and decided it was time to free it all. Maybe it was because of all the pain I went through the last days, well since I returned to Japan, or maybe it was simply the right moment. I don't know, but I remembered it all.

The truth is I've always felt lonely, why, because I truly am lonely. Year after year my loneliness had followed me everywhere and my loveless existence started suffocating me.

All I could remember was that I had a brother and that he died, but…I couldn't remember what actually happened. We were one of a kind; my brother and I were always together especially since we were always hiding away. My mother asks us to hide most of the time because my father was an alcoholic and he always got home completely wasted. It was scary, but what was even scarier was how he beat up my mom for reasons I never understood. As a consequence, my brother and I were always hiding under a bed, and spend most of the time together. I was happy as long as he was near me, and I wasn't scared if he was beside me but…I didn't understand what was going on. My brother was a few years older than me and suffered my father's abuses toward our mom. I did too, but I had no clue it was father who actually caused pain to our mom.

One day Jomei, my brother, told me our mom would never return, that she went to heaven to visit God, and I though it was true. I was sad, but because I had Jomei I didn't cry. We were very poor since our father spent all the money in alcohol and because of that we had no toys. All we had was a pink bunny that belonged to my brother- he called it Kumagorou. I loved Kuma since it was the only toy I ever held and play with. It was soft and beautiful- my mom made it when she first had my brother. But Jomei was very jealous with it, yeah he let me play, but it was his. But…one day he told me that if he ever died I could keep Kuma, but I told him I didn't wanted to lose him. After that conversation, he told me to keep it for the night and I was happy. Before he left me in my little bed he hugged me and whispered 'I'm sorry'. He said he didn't, but I remember it clearly now- he said I'm sorry and now I know why."

I felt silly- I started crying in front of Shu-chan, but I couldn't control the tears, they were already falling when I notice them. I can't look to his face; I really don't know what he's thinking…I guess I must continue and find out later.

"Apparently my brother couldn't take it anymore, and decided to take his own life. When I woke up the next morning I ran to his side like always, but…I only found a dead body. He hung up himself from a window and I was the one to find him. I yelled and cry, but my father was drunk and no one lived near by. I called my father and tried to wake him, but it was useless…so I spent at least five to six hours, maybe even more, contemplating my brother's dead body hanging by the window. The shock apparently blocked my memories from what happen at that moment, so I don't know when or how, but I end up living in an orphanage. Still today I don't know what happened to my real father… I guess he probably died."

I felt better than when I left Tokyo a few weeks ago, a lot better. I guess going back helped me since I was able to control my messed up brain from exploding and only continue my story with a few more tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Later after I was adopted by a nice older couple, but I always stay quiet around them. They put me into therapy because they knew my story, but still they keep me and were very patient with me. I had a lot of trouble in school and all I ever did was play with Kumagorou and sing to it. Yes, Kumagorou was still with me- my new parents told me I never let go of it. 

The truth is I never had real friends because everyone saw me as a retarded moron, so my only friend was Kumagorou. The rest of the kids just ignore me, put me down, make fun of me, or simply bully me. It was only after I got into High School that things changed for me. I was walking alone with Kuma through the school corridors; I was late for class again – when I saw Tohma with another girl, Noriko. They were putting flyers on the bulletin boards and one of the papers fell off his hands and end up right under my shoe. I grabbed it and read it- it was an audition announcement. They were looking for a singer…and I decided to go. When I got there everyone laugh when they saw me and, of course, started yelling all the stupid names they always called me, but Tohma ordered them to shut up and let me sing- and I did- the rest is history. I became the leading singer of Nittle Grasper.

Tohma was kind to me and helped me a lot…so it didn't take much time for me to fell for him, but I couldn't tell. After we got famous, I felt a little more confident about myself and told Tohma how I felt…I was happy when he accepted me with a kiss, but I was a fool to believe I found love.

We started fooling around, and then much more – you know. I was happy, until one day…"

_'I though it didn't hurt anymore but it does; Tohma's betrayal still hurts in my heart.'_ So once again I was stupidly crying in front of my Shu-chan. I tried washing my tears away, but to my surprise, Shu, my Shu do it for me and smile.

"It's ok Ryu…I'm with you." 

And he held my hand. Now, that made me REALLY happy, so I continued feeling a lot stronger and lucky to have Shu with me.

"Well, it was Tohma's birthday and I wanted to make something special since it was our first birthday together and all, so I went to his apartment and entered. I wasn't just snooping or anything; he actually gave me the key and all, so I used it. But when I got there I heard moaning…I tried to believe it wasn't what I though it was, or that maybe he was watching porn, but it sounded too vivid…and it was."

_'I can't tell Shuichi he was with Yuki; it probably hurts him more and it's totally unnecessary to tell, right?'_

"Apparently he was having a little private birthday party with someone else…it obviously broke my heart, but what was worst is that he never apologize. He only said he loved that person more than he could ever love me and that he wasn't sorry for what he did, so…I end up leaving Nittle Grasper and going to America. But things weren't much different there…no matter where I go I was always the same retarded moron that had nothing more than a pink bunny to hug at nights.

Pathetic, huh?

So up till now all I ever had was meaningless sexual encounters, when I had any…I was never into much of that either. I guess deep down I'm really shy and insecure, I wish I could be more like the Sakuma everyone loves…but I'm not that guy- he takes over my fears and sings through me, but that's not me."

"You're wrong Ryuichi- that guy is you. You are wonderful Ryuichi, beautiful and glorious…you're just afraid to join entirely with that part of you. You know, I never saw you as a moron, but as a God." He giggled. "And I though you were probably the happiest man in the universe. I guess I was wrong."

"Well, you can never tell for real if someone is happy or not. I guess I've never been happy…but I'm trying to start all over again."

"Humm…you said I'll be disappointed in you, why? Nothing seems disappointing to me, just…really sad."

I blushed; I never told him THAT part of the story and I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell, but…the worst was said, right?

"Well that's because I haven't told you about that yet." He glares at me with curious eyes waiting for me to tell him. I was still quiet and he started looking anxious, so I continued. "The thing is that I was really sad for being alone…well depressed. I went back home to give Kumagorou back to my brother. I felt like I needed to free myself at last and start over or something, but after I did I felt even sadder because I realize I was even lonelier. I gave up on music, on Kuma, and on you…. I had no reason to live because I've lost each person I loved, so…I tried to do the same Jomei did."

"YOU TRIED TO HANG YOURSELF?????!!" He screamed hysterically in tears while shaking my body.

"Not hang myself... Just to take my life with an overdose, but…you called at the exact moment I was about to swallow and saved me. Thank you." I said it, now I'm scared again.

"Ryu…" Shuichi was crying. "That's why you said I saved your life?" I nodded. "BAKA!" To my surprise he was in my arms now crying even more hysterically than before. "How could you? If you do something like that I don't know what I would do. I don't know…. I only know I don't want you to go anywhere; I don't want to lose you Ryu… I don't want to."

"Shuichi…" My heart was running like crazy; I wasn't sure if I was happy or if I was sad, but one thing I'm sure of is that I like the sound of those words. "I won't go away again- I promise."

"Really?"

"Yes… I love you Shuichi…even if you don't feel the same, it doesn't matter because I'm happy I found you."

"Ryu…" His purple gaze drowns into my eyes and it made me smile. We share a smile that seemed endless and at that instance I felt that maybe, just maybe not everything was lost.

It was all over the news, ASK had a new guitarist. There was a press conference to announce the events, and Taki was smiling all the way. The place was full of reporters wondering who the new member was, but everyone was surprised when they saw the new face in the band – Nakano Hiroshi, former Bad Luck's guitarist.

"What about Bad Luck?" One of the reporters quickly shouts. "Why did you left?"

Hiro looked sad, but tried to answer.

"They don't need me at all." He simply adds.

"Do you have problems with Shindo Shuichi?" Another reporter quickly concluded. "I though you two were best friends."

Once again he tried to explain, but instead Taki answered.

"I made him a better offer, that's all." And then he smiled.

"And what is that offer?" The questions didn't stop there.

"Join ASK, of course!" He smirked. "What better offer can he get- right?" Then he stood up to end the conference, and all of them left including the new guitarist. "Say Hiro-chan." Hiro turned around and frowned.

"Don't call me Hiro-chan. The name is Nakano-san."

"Ohhh, rude, I like it." He winked. "How about lunch?"

"Not hungry, bye." He started walking away casually.

"HEY! Hold it right there! I'm not finished!" He yelled to the walking figure.

"But I am." He didn't even bother to look back, he just kept walking away from him and it made Taki very angry, so he followed and forced him to look at him.

"Look, if I invite you to lunch, you say yes. If I invite you to bed, you say yes thank you. Got it?"

"In your dreams. I rather sleep with a cow than with a jerk like you. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going home."

Ma and Ken were standing in a corner waiting for them to finally stop arguing. In fact none of them were happy with Taki's actions and decision. Aizawa never consult with them his idea of getting another guitarist, and didn't see the need of one since Ma was doing a good job.

"Let's go guys, looks like my new boy is playing hard to get." He said while brushing his hair with his fingers.

"Looks to me he's not playing hard to get, he simply detest you. What did you do? How you get him to accept leaving Bad Luck to join us, and why do we need a new guitarist? I though Ma-kun was great." Ken was not happy.

"Look, Ma is great. I only wanted to break Bad Luck AND get Hiro. Don't you think he's cute?" He sighed. "Ahh, I think he's hot. Gotta get him under my covers." He smirks.

"I can't believe you. There's no need for you to break Bad Luck, and…about Hiro… I think his off limits."

"Why? Don't you think I'm attractive? I'm better looking than that-that-that pink haired girl!"

"Forget it Taki." Ma finally opened his mouth. "It's not the looks, it's the attitude dude." He shook his head. "Can we talk this during lunch, I'm starving! Besides…talking won't change Hiro- he obviously isn't happy."

"But he will. Just wait till he fell into my arms…" Then Aizawa laughed and both his friends rolled their eyes.

**

"What the…" There were cans of beers all over the apartment and a sleeping blonde on the wooden floor. "Eiri!" The tall figure observing the area quickly ran to his side and tried to wake him up. "Eiri-san…wake up. Are you alright?" He didn't answer or move. "Eiri…you're wasted. I knew I had to come." He lifted him up with difficulty and slowly dragged him to his bedroom. "Ahhh…you're heavy." He left him on top of the white sheets and started undressing him. "You don't look good brother. Looks like the breakup really hurt you- I knew it will." Tatsuha sat next to him after undressing him and covering his body with a blanket. He looked down at his face and then sighed. "My pretty brother fell in love at last, and the idiot blew it off. It's just like you Eiri-san." He moved his hand to his brother's face to remove a lock of hair away from his eyes, and then caressed the cheeks tenderly. "I know you think I don't care for you, but…I do and don't like seeing you like this." Sadly, the younger brother sighed and waited.

Hours passed before Yuki opened his eyes again, and when he did his brother was still next to him smiling.

"Finally. I though you died."

"Tatsuha…what are you doing here?" The writer rubbed his head in pain.

"I heard what happen, so I came to the rescue- of course. There's no way I'm giving up on Sakuma-san." He smirked and Yuki rolled his eyes. "C'mon let's get you ready."

"For what?" The blonde barks at him.

"For Shuichi, of course." But Yuki could only look at him suspicious.

**

Shuichi woke up to the sound of a sweet singing voice that was approaching him slowly. "Na no na no na no…" The singing man stopped and smile to where Shuichi was laid while he showed the younger singer a tray with what seemed like his breakfast.

"Time to eat na no da!" Ryuichi smiled once again and turned serious. "I hope you like it; I prepared it especially for you Shindo-san."

"Ryu…don't call me Shiin-doo-saaan. You sound like Tohma!" The brunette smiled wider. "But thanks for cooking for me- I surely will like it."

"Well…it's an American breakfast- you know- but I really like it. The truth is, the only pan I have has Kumagorou shape…so, well they turned out to look like a rabbit…and well I put some strawberry toping since you like strawberries and all."

"You made Kumagorou hot cakes?? WAII! I love them! KAWIIIIIIII!" Shuichi jumped up and down enthusiastically. "Demo…what about you Ryu?" '_He's so sweet!'_

"I already ate. Now…eat up!" He smiled once again.

"HAI!" Ryuichi sat next to him just to look and enjoy the view of Shuichi having his breakfast.

_'Beautiful…'_

**

While Hiroshi walked toward the exit of NG studios, a tall blonde stopped him. "Nakano-san, how ya doing?" His previous manager winks.

"Look, K I don't have time for this."

"Oh! You're too busy with ASK now that you don't even have time for old friends?" K was not happy.

"It's not that…I know you're going to insult me for leaving Shuichi and all that, and I really don't want to hear it right now."

"I wasn't going to talk about that…at least not right now, but if you are SO busy and SO happy with your new friends…well…sayonara." Bad Luck's agent turned around and waved while walking away, but Hiro really needed a friend.

"WAIT!" K turned around and lifted a brow. "What were you going to say then?"

"Just…well, I was going to ask you to have lunch with me…but I guess you don't want to go. After all, you said you didn't like old-er men." He used a sarcastic tone and continues to walk away. Hiro observed him silently for a few moments wondering what to do, or if he should tell K.

_'I kinda miss him… I really like the way he holds me and…kisses me. And yeah his hair is fine and…his ass too, dammit! Why am I turning red and look to the sides like someone can actually listen to my thoughts?_' He sighedas a sign of being surrendering_. 'Here goes nothing.'_ "Kei! Wait up!" He followed the blonde.

'_He called me Kei…'_ "Yes?" The taller man answers indifferently.

"Ok." He simply added looking down shamefully.

"Ok what?" K teases knowing perfectly well what he meant.

"I… I accept the invitation." He sheepishly smiled with a shade of pink forming on his cheeks.

"Oh, but…I'm not buying. It's just a FRIEND thing, ok?"

"S-sure." Both smirk at the same time.

"So don't make the wrong conclusions." He walked along with him to the cafeteria where the other ASK me members were eating. "Oh look, your friends are here, want to join them?"

"No thanks…I… I really don't…" _'…like 'em.'_

"Don't?"

"Want to. Lets sit over there." He pointed to the farthest seats.

"Fine, if you wan to." _'Jeeze, just say you don't even want to be close to them for Christ sake!'_ After ordering they sit in silence, but K was not planning on wasting his time. "So, why did you actually leave Bad Luck? I _sorta_ believed what you said at first, but after the BIG news…I think there's something fishy…Tohma too, you know."

"I though we agree not to talk about it."

"Oh, no..I agree not to ask you a few minutes ago…now is not ten minutes ago." He smiled and Hiro rolled his eyes.

"I can't tell you."

"OH! So I'm right- I knew it-I'm so smart!" He chuckle and every single person turned their attention to the only table in the back.

"Quiet down!" Hiro tried to make him lower the tone, but it was too late- ASK spotted him and Taki's eyes widened in disbelief provoking a HUGE frown to suddenly adorn his forehead. _'Why does he looks like an anime character…I can even see the angry vein popping out. I'm dead- thanks K!'_ Hiro smiled to the three men staring at his table and waved feeling completely stupid, but it only made Taki angrier- so the guy stood up and ran out completely pissed.

_'You'll pay Hiroshi…no one refuses and makes a fool of me.'_

**

"Ok, so what will you tell Shuichi?" Tatsuha was trying to convince his brother to do a drama in front of the singer.

"Go to hell!" Yuki spit out.

"NO! That's not what we practice!!" Tatsuha was hysterical.

"Look idiot, I didn't practice a thing – you did it all on your own! There's no way I'm saying all those pathetic words to Shuichi!"

"Erm…Eiri… Actually all those pathetic words are part of a dialogue in your latest novel." He smiled. "So…I guess you could say something like that. I believe it's a pretty good argument." He nodded insistently.

"I know perfectly well from where you get it- that's why I don't want it! Shuichi will hate it!" He looked down sadly. "He read that novel; you know…he's not that stupid, he'll figure it out."

"Then think of something! You're the writer, not me!" Tatsuha was starting to cry. "I want Sakuma-san just for me, please Yuki- give it a try!"

"Look, even if Shuichi and I get back together- which I doubt – Sakuma Ryuichi wouldn't waste his time with an idiot like you."

"You have to be so mean?" Yuki smirk. "Thanks a lot! I'm trying to help and look how you pay me!"

"Trying to help? Trying to help???" Yuki was furious. "All you are trying is to get Shuichi as far from Ryuichi as you can! Not help me, just help yourself! Selfish brat…get out!"

"There's no way I'm leaving until you go to Shuichi." Yuki starts pushing Tatsuha away to the door.

"I hate you."

"Ditto." He smiled.

"Baka." And he was out.

"Let me in aniki!!!!" The little brother cries out loud. "Let me in!!"

"GO AWAY!"

**

Both singers were sitting on the floor with papers, a keyboard, and a pen. Both of them were scratching their heads thinking, and then the youngest gave up.

"I can't! I'm sorry Ryuichi, but I can't write a song like this." He sighed. "I'm a slump."

"Don't push yourself…I just though it might distract you, but if you don't want to, we can always do something else, ok?"

"Well… I don't feel like doing much- not in the mood." He lay down on the carpet looking at nothing.

Ryuichi looked down at him sadly; he felt impotent for not being able to help his beloved Shuichi. _'I must tell him.'_ He was still considering in his mind if he should or shouldn't tell Shuichi what he was about to say. _'Here goes…'_

"Shuichi… Why don't you go talk to Yuki?" Shuichi look at his idol in disbelief and opened his eyes in shock. "Don't look at me like that- you should. I know you love Yuki…and he does too. It's only natural you try to fix things between you two."

"I can't believe you!" He sat up disgusted. "I though you understand me, but you obviously don't!"

"Well…looks like I don't. Look Shuichi, when you love someone you want that person to be happy no matter what, and I love you. I know your heart belongs to Yuki Eiri and the only love you feel for me is friendship, or maybe just admiration. I don't want to be the cause of your misery because one day I'll regret holding you tight and not letting you go when you could. I saw love in Yuki's eyes that day at the hospital and I think you should talk to him before is too late."

"Ryu…" The youngest singer looked down sadly because he wasn't sure of what he actually wanted anymore. _'Why are you pushing me in his direction, don't you love me? You said you loved me…'_

"Look, I know you're going through a hard time and that my proposition came too fast. You don't have to agree on singing with me- you can go solo- you have all the talent and obviously don't need me. You probably want to make it on your own…and I'll support you as a friend and a colleague, but don't give up on love or you'll end up like me." Ryuichi forced the rounded face to look up to his eyes. "I want your happiness Shuichi. I want you to have REAL happiness not live in disguise. I don't want you to pretend you're smiling and that you feel happy when you are broken inside. If you want to be successful and live in this unrealistic world of fandom, don't give up on love. In the end love is all you'll have…and look at me, this is the end of the line and…and I have nothing. I don't want you to be alone like me."

"Ryu… I don't know what to say. I'm not sure if I want to keep trying with Yuki. He hurts me all the time…" _'I want to feel loved, safe, and comfortable…just the way I feel when I'm…But I still love Yuki.'_

"Shuichi…not everything is smiles and all that romantic stuff- the truth is there is much pain in love and it is part of growing, learning, and transforming your relationship into a strong one with a solid base. You and Yuki will have lots of ups and downs, but if you give up after falling once or twice…then you'll never have love. Don't shut down your heart and try again. Stand up and try…if there's still love then it's worth trying."

"Ryuichi…" His eyes were overflowing- you know Shuichi. "Thank you. You are the best…I still don't know how you're so lonely."

"Because I gave up too soon. I don't want you to do the same. Go, fight for love Shuichi- fight."

"I will." He stood up and smile. "If everything goes well I won't be back tonight and probably won't call you until the morning, BUT if everything messes up…"

"The door is open Shuichi. This is your home." Ryuichi also stood up and hugged his friend before this one left. "Good luck."

"Thanks!" He hurried out and started his journey. _'Thank you Ryuichi…you're right- I can't give up just yet.'_

"I made the right decision… I could never live knowing I never told him, and wondering if he still loves Yuki." Ryuichi closed his eyes to release a tear from his blue eyes. "Hope you sleep warm tonight." 

_'It's alright Ryuichi…you're used to the coldness in your bed already…or aren't you?'_

**

Ryuichi's door was knock just a few minutes after Shuichi left, so Sakuma went to open thinking Shuichi suddenly felt scared again. "Shu…" He gasped when he saw the two dark eyes nailed at him. "Ano…Yuki?" _'He looks younger na no da, but the hair looks nicer.'_

"No, I'm Uesugi Tatsuha, Yuki's younger brother and your number one fan by the way." He winked. "So, is Shuichi around, not that I want to see him –just you – but I want him to come see my brother. He loves him you know, but the baka refuses to go see Shu, so I decided to come and get him so my stubborn brother would finally accepts his heads over heels for Shuichi…of course that gives me the chance to meet you too and know where you live and all." He grinned.

"Shuichi is not here, so have a nice day." He tried to close the door, but the teenager was already inside the apartment snooping around. "Nice, needs a little decoration but nice."

"Excuse me, I didn't invite you in, you know. Would you please leave immediately?" '_Imprudent.'_

"Where are you hiding him?" He looked around. "C'mon Sakuma-san, I know he's here with you. Hiro told me he left his apartment and came here."

"Hiro you said? How does he know all the details?"

"Probably your ex-manager told him- he was at Hiro's." He smirks once again. "BUT if Shuichi is not here we can always get to know each other better."

"No thank you- go away! You're starting to freak me out!" Tatsuha was already following the singer all over the place. "Go away!!!"

"Ryu-chan!!!" Tatsuha followed the brunette while this one screams for help in total hysteria mode.

"HELP!!! HELP SOMEONE! ANYONE!! I HAVE A STALKER!!!! HEEEELP!!!" Ryuichi tried calling for help using his portable phone, but it fell in the middle of the run. "AH!" He was about to pick it up, when he heard a terrifying scream coming from behind.

"Ryu-chan, you're mine!!!" Yuki's brother jumped and landed on top of a crying Ryuichi. "Finally!" He evilly smirked and licked his lips. "I love how you play hard to get."

"HEEEEEELP!!!!!" He yelled harder almost loosing all the air in his lungs.

**

Hiro was smoking in his bed. _'Damn…that was great. Why did I end up in bed with him again? Yup, you just said it- he's REALLY good._' He sighed. '_He looks vulnerable when he sleeps- kinda cute too.'_ He grinned. '_Maybe…maybe I should give it another try, after all…he's the only friend I have left now- Shuichi must hate me_.' He turned sad with the though. '_But at least that devil Aizawa won't touch him again- I'll make sure he leaves Shuichi alone. I'll make him pay…one day he'll regret messing with MY Shuichi. But for now, I will enjoy MY Kei-chan_.'

"Hiro…" The blonde mumbled on his sleep.

"Kwaii." He smiled and cuddle with him. _'This feels good…it really does.'_

**

Shuichi was standing outside Yuki's apartment. _'Should I call? I know I was cruel with him… I guess I pay him with his own medicine.'_ Shuichi continue wondering. _'But…Ryuichi…what do I feel for him? I feel something different, not like Hiro…even when he betrayed me. Hiro is my buddy, my brother…Ryu, he's more than just that. Then Yuki…I don't know, is it really love? It hurts inside when I think about him, but it also hurts when I think of Ryuichi – alone. Maybe I feel sorry for him, but it doesn't feel like pity at all…it feels like I want to be there with him. I want to hold him and make him feel loved…'_

"I'm so confused." He sadly whispered.

He couldn't decide to go up or return with Ryuichi, when the door was opened.

"Yuki!" He covered his mouth. _'Now what am I supposed to say? He-Yuki… My hearts wants to explode- it hurts – I can't look at him.'_

"Shuichi…" Yuki was speechless, and then managed to whisper. "Welcome back."

**

I know LONG chapter! I really want to end this...I know I've said is near the end and it doesn't reach it…but- it will I swear! Well, thanks for all the reviews I love them all and truly appreciate them. C-ya soon! =^_^=


	22. Chapter 21

**Ryuichi's Love**

By Kitty-Kat

Chapter 21: Is this love?

It was only a coincidence, but for Ryuichi it was a blessing from God, yes, the sudden arrival of Tohma and Noriko to his apartment complex was nothing more than a miracle from the heavens. Tohma and Noriko ran to the apartment as soon as they step into the penthouse hallway that leads to Ryuichi's apartment, why? Because of the loud cries for help that were filling up the air.

"He sounds desperate!" Noriko yelped while running straight to the main entrance. "Hurry Tohma!!"

The stylish man couldn't believe Noriko was ahead of him even when she was wearing those shoes, THOSE super high shoes and he was way behind, but still he tried to reach the door too. _'Ryuichi!'_

Finally Tohma kicked the door, without need because it was open, but the worry just made him use a hidden strength that not even he knew he had.

"Tohma!" Nittle Grasper's female keyboardist exclaim in surprise. "My hero!"

"Not now silly- RYU, remember?" He pointed out the reason for his sudden adrenaline power.

"Right!" But just a second after the door was, well, technically demolished, the cries ceased. 

"AH???" Both exclaimed shocked with the strange view of Ryuichi with his foot on Tatsuha's face while this one held tightly the famous singer's hands.

"Tohma! Noriko! Help me na no da! This lunatic stalker wants to rape me!!" He cried hysterically but relieved at the same time. "Get off me you monster!!" He yelled one last time to Tatsuha's face.

Tatsuha, defeated, let go. "Gomen, Sakuma-san…but I was NOT going to rape you. I only wanted to hug you, and kiss you…and make hot and sticky sex with you, but only if you agreed." He grinned and Ryuichi kicked his face once again. "You're mean!" He cried while a river escaped his eyes.

Tohma was quiet, but definitely was about to say something to Eiri's younger brother. Tatsuha saw the look in his brother-in-law and practically shrink in an instance. "Tatsuha-kun!" The blonde called out with a frown.

"It's not what you think, Tohma-san, really!" Tatsuha, defensively tried to explain, but the blonde wasn't ready for a chat with his wife's little brother.

"I want you out of here before I even finish the sentence!" And he was out- Tatsuha was standing sadly at the door right at the same instance Tohma ended his words. "You really messed up this time, go with Mika and wait there understand? This is far from over."

"H-hai!" He looked down sadly and then looked back to where Ryuichi had stayed- paralyzed. "I didn't mean to scare you…I love you Sakuma-san!" He bows, and then ran away with tears in his eyes. _ 'Sakuma-san…Sakuma-san must hate me!_'

Noriko was already nursing her dear friend Ryuichi. She hugged him and caressed his hair like he was a baby, and it made Ryuichi a little angry. He move away from her and looked deeply into her eyes; he was not that crying baby anymore, he was someone else or better yet, he was starting to merge with that part of him you could only see on stage. The strong, powerful, and confident Ryuichi many love.

"What is it Ryu-chan? Did I do something wrong?" Noriko was confused, after all she always pets him whenever someone hurt or stalks him. "Don't worry- he's gone and I'm here. Where's Kuma? I'm sure he'll make you feel better." She smiled, but the serious look in his eyes made her smile fade away.

"Look Noriko…I appreciate your concern, but I don't need that anymore." He stood up. "I am grateful for your help, and I thank the heavens because you guys show up or I don't know what could have happen…but I'm not a baby you know. I'm fine; I only wanted that brat out."

Tohma and Noriko were surprised, but Tohma didn't like how he referred toward Tatsuha- after all he WAS part of the family. "Look Ryuichi, I know he was harassing you, but you don't have to call him a brat. That kid is Mika's little brother."

"I know, sorry…but he really pissed me off. I told him Shuichi wasn't here and he sneaked in without invitation. Then…well, you saw him!"

Noriko was still quiet- she was wondering whatever happen to her sweet-baby Ryuichi. Meanwhile Tohma and Ryuichi kept arguing.

"Look, just forget about it. So…were you planning on telling me your magnificent plans with Shindo-san or not? I think I deserve some kind of explanation…you left Nittle Grasper saying you were retiring and now K told me you and Shuichi were joining forces?" He smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile.

"Yes I was going to tell you, but not until it was actually official. That K…I didn't know he was such a talker. Anyway, Shuichi is confused right now, so it's not official."

It was then that Noriko finally speak. "I can't believe you! I though we were getting back together, then you left without even saying goodbye and now this? What happen to you Ryu-chan? Where is my baby?"

"I told you Noriko…I'm a grown man. I'm tired of being the joke- so I left my stupidity in the past."

"You're stupidity? You're stupidity? You were the most adorable creature in the entire universe! How can you say that?"

"You said it- creature. Everyone sees me as an alien or a monkey- not a man- and I'm tired of being treated like a retarded. I am not a retarded guy Noriko, I bet you though all along I was. You always treated me like I had a disease or something, and I'm only a normal human with emotional conflicts like everyone else- I just happen to had a doll with me to hide my true face from the world. But I'm tired of wearing a mask. This is me, Sakuma Ryuichi, your friend, your baby…but don't treat me like one anymore. I want to grow and to do so, I need the people I love…I need you guys to support me and help me surpass my childhood traumas. Do you think, Noriko, Tohma, that you guys can help me with that? Do you think you both can start treating me like a normal person and not the idiot I once was? If you do…then maybe I can consider a reunion."

Both keyboardists were silently observing Ryuichi's face, and both felt the same- Ryuichi was finally free. Ryuichi was no longer a kid trapped in a grown man's body. Ryuichi was showing his true face and it made Tohma smile. "I have no problem." The blonde assured and then both looked to Noriko.

She was still thoughtful and then smile. "Well, I surely will miss my sweet and loving Ryu-chan, but I'm glad you are free of the suffering you carried." _'I just hope one day you trust me your secret.' _ She sighed.

"Look, I'm not completely healed inside, but I want to start over. I don't want to be afraid anymore…I want to be just me, and don't worry, that doesn't mean I can't be sweet and loving- just…I will do my best to be just 'normal'.

"Hey! And just for the record I never though of you as a retarded moron. I've always though of you as sweet, loving, vulnerable, and most of all frail, but not a retarded." A tear fell down her cheek. "I'm sorry if I made you feel stupid. I never mean to."

"I know." He hugged her, and she corresponded to the hug, not long after Tohma joined in a group hug. "I appreciate your concern and care Noriko- I really do and I truly felt lucky to have a friend like you beside me. You always overprotect me, but I guess at that time- I really needed it. Thank you." Both smile.

"So…are we ok?" Tohma asked while observing the silly wet faces of his band mates and both nodded with an even wider smile. "Alright!" _ 'I'm so glad… Ryuichi, looks like you're going to be fine after all.'_

**

Bad Luck's ex-guitarist woke up with a smile- it smelled like coffee. "Mm." He stretched out. "Something smells good!"

But no one answered.

"Kei-chan- you there?" He raised his voice.

Silence.

"Hum, where the hell is he? I'm sure he's here…right? Who else can possibly make coffee for me?" He stood up wrapped in sheets, hairs lose, and a silly smile on his lips. "Kei…?"

He walked to the kitchen and there he was- tall blonde wearing nothing but an apron. 

'_Sugoi! I can totally get use to the view!'_ (Grinning)

"Morning babe. Sit down, this is almost ready."

"Hum, smells great. Why don't you answer before? I was calling you…"

The cook smiled. "I wanted you to come over…that's all."

Hiro waited while staring at the nice lines of K's legs, back, and buttocks. _'Looking good Kei-chan.'_ He kept grinning- still staring.

"Enjoying the view?" He winked and all the colors ran through the guitarist face.

"I-I-I…"

"It's ok, I did it on purpose." He also grinned and walked closer to him placing a dish in front of the read head. "Enjoy…" But Hiro was now staring to the nipple peeking from the apron. "…the meal. Gosh, you sure are horny this morning." He laughed and Hiro blushed once again.

"Am not!" He protested, and then he glanced at the blonde once again. "It's your fault for looking hot…can we skip breakfast?"

"I though you were hungry."

"I am, but…but…you look so fine." He reached out to the older man's chest, but this one slap the hand.

"No. I put a lot of effort in it, so you better eat it. Besides…I promise to make coffee for you next time."

"You didn't."

"In my head, I did." He wink, and sat across him. 

"But, you'll be my desert."

"No…you'll be mine." And his chuckles filled up the room while Hiro sighed.

**

Shindo Shuichi was confused. Yuki, his Yuki was welcoming him home? Was he? But…didn't Yuki hate him or was he wrong about Yuki once again? While all the questions in the world cross his mind, Yuki managed to guide him upstairs to his apartment so they could talk. Once up there the blonde begun.

"I know sometimes I'm a little rough, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate you."

_'Appreciate? Appreciate?? What about…what about love Yuki? I want love…much more than appreciation. Love…I wonder if this is love.'_

"I'm only trying to help you succeed in your dream by becoming a better writer, that's all. I know you put a lot of effort, even when I don't give you credit for it, but…I want you to keep trying so you'll get better each day. I don't think that is bad."

_'Better? Did he just say better? That means…he thinks I'm at least a little bit good, right?'_

"Still, I think you exaggerate things too much. Not because I don't go to a concert means I don't support you or hate you, or hate your music…but you also have to consider the fact that I don't like that kind of event and it IS a sacrifice for me to go. Not everything is about you Shuichi…sometimes you act selfish. Have you stop to think if I like going to concerts? Have I ever gone to a concert while you've lived in here? NO, so…doesn't that give you a clue? And the only concert I went was to see you…that mean something."

'_I'm selfish? What about you?! You never consider my feelings at all!'_

Shuichi was still silent listening and arguing in his head, and Yuki just though he wanted to hear more, so he goes on.

"Look, I really don't know what you want me to say, I'm trying to apologize…but if all you wanted was for me to go to your silly concert then I'll say it. I did. I did go to the concert, but left before the last song was over. There, I said it all." _'Not quite_.'

Shuichi was looking deep into the amber eyes searching for a sign, something that tells him it was true. "How can I know you were really there?"

"You were wearing that same silly outfit."

"Dah, anyone could've told you that…there were even pictures on the magazines, so…" He shrugged.

"This is stupid!" Yuki was getting really irritated, after all, wasn't he doing enough? Didn't he apologized and said all the things the brat wanted to hear?

"OH! So you're trying to lie to me!" Shuichi wasn't completely sure about Yuki's confession. He could've made it up.

"I'm not lying, you idiot!" _'This is too much! What is he expecting for me to do..? BEG??? He's got to be kidding me!_' The novelist argued with himself mentally.

"Then tell me something convincing." Shuichi took a long and deep look into the amber eyes and waited for a GOOD argument or detail that truly indicates he wasn't lying at all.

"Hum…one girl threw you a pink bra; it fell on your shoe and you trip…that was during the "Blind Game Again" song." Yuki sighed. He said too much, way too much. He even let him know that he, Yuki Eiri, knew the titles of Bad Luck's songs. "Does that convince you? By the way…you're such a klutz."

"Yuki!" The singer cried happily knowing Yuki was actually saying the truth. "You went! You really did!" He jumped to the blonde's arms and both fell down to the floor. "That means…you don't hate me or Bad Luck?" The writer shook his head. "Yuki…" He was happy, so happy his tears started flowing again.

"Baka." He pats the pink head and then whisper. "You had to make us fall, not to mention cry like a little girl?"

"Gomen." He giggled. "I couldn't help it- I'm quite excited."

"Hum, excited huh? That gives me an idea." He smirks and grabbed the singer's buttocks, provoking this one to squeal and blush immediately after feeling the SQUEEZE.

"YUKI!!!" He looked the novelist deep into his eyes, and then smile. "Do it again."

**

It was pretty late already and Ryuichi was convinced that Shuichi wouldn't return.

"That's the way it goes…you knew it from the start. Shuichi loves Eiri-san. Shuichi doesn't love Ryuichi." He sighed sadly. "Ryuichi is only his music idol, nothing more- that's how it's supposed to be. I'm too old for him, yeah…and I…I'll be a bother when I get older and older. He would still be very young when I start getting all the wrinkles and losing my hair. Shuichi deserves better than that. Shuichi…he needs someone mature but not old like me. I'm such a fool. I should've thought of that before."

Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted with a knock, and he got up excited thinking that maybe…maybe he was wrong and Shuichi decided to go back with him. "Maybe he doesn't love Yuki and realized I'm the one!" He smiled. "Forget about your age, you're still young!" He ran to the door yelling. "I'm coming na no da!!!!!!!!" And with a smile he opened the door. "Welcome back!"

"RYUICHI!!!" 

All he heard was a squeal before he landed on the floor-again. The singer realized he had being attacked once again by a taller man that by any chance was HIS Shu-chan.

"You're happy to see me again?" He hugged him harder. "I'm so glad!"

"EHHH??????? It's you again! Get off me you stalker!!!" He frowned and tried pushing Tatsuha away.

Then Tatsuha let go. "Demo…didn't you say welcome back?" He pouted.

"Yeah, but I though it was someone else." Ryuichi moved away. "Look, I don't want to be mean…but I would appreciate if you stop bugging me."

"Bugging you? I am BUGGING you?" Ryuichi shyly nodded and Tatsuha quickly begin to cry hysterically. "Sakuma-san hates me!!!!!"

Ryuichi felt kind of guilty and pat him on the head. "There, there…is not that I HATE you…but…" He looked to the puppy wet eyes staring at him waiting for him to go on and explain better, and hopefully gives him hopes of a little affection? "You have to admit you act a little creepy! Here you are jumping on top of me just because..?"

"Because I love you Sakuma-san!" His eyes turned into hearts.

"Ehem…you think you love me, but the truth is…you only love my image. This is pure infatuation, not love. You can't love someone you don't know."

"But…I love you!" He insisted.

"How should I explain this?" Sighing.

"Don't you believe in love at first sight?" He saw the expression change in Sakuma-san's eyes and there was his answer. "Then…why can't you believe that I love you?"

"You're so young…look, I'm flatter, really, but I'm in love with someone else."

"Shuichi, right?" The pink in the singer's cheeks were impossible to hide. "But you know he loves my brother, Eiri, don't you?" Ryuichi nodded sadly. "Still, you love him?"

"I can't help it. My heart doesn't understand. No matter how many times I explain it, it's useless. My heart insists on loving him and no one else."

"I know how you feel; it is the same for me." Ryuichi looked down to the sad face hung down and felt pretty bad.

"All I can offer you is my friendship, Uesugi-kun."

"Just call me Tatsuha."

"Ok, Tatsuha-kun." He smiled, and Tatsuha did too.

"Thank you, Sakuma-san."

"Nah, just call me Ryuichi."

"Ok, Ryuichi-kun."

**

First thing in the morning Sakuma-san when to the studios and entered without invitation to a particular studio. When he opened the door all the musicians inside it looked at him surprised and wondered what could possibly HE be doing there.

Sakuma-san walked in straight forward ignoring the stares, until he was stopped roughly.

"You can't enter here; we are in a private session! I don't care if you are whoever you are- you cannot enter."

Ryuichi couldn't believe the guy's guts, and seriously replied. "I came here to speak with Nakano-san, not you, so excuse me. You are on my way."

"He doesn't need to talk to you!" Taki quickly yelled at him.

"Take it easy boy. I believe he has the right to talk to whoever he wants to. Not because he joined in your little bad means he is your property. I bet he can decide on his own if he wishes to talk to me or not. So…" He looked to Hiroshi's eyes. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." He stood up and walked straight to where Ryuichi was standing until Aizawa hold him.

"You can't leave; we are in the middle of something here." Aizawa frowned and pushed Hiroshi back to his seat.

"You know Aizawa, I don't remember that we were actually doing anything productive here, so I will take a break and talk to my friend here. Do you mind?" He made his way out, but before they left Ryuichi said another word to him.

"You know, I wouldn't like to do this but…don't push your luck if you don't want to feel my power. You should've known better than to talk to me that way, remember I have BIG influence here." He smirks and left the guy angrier than before.

"That jerk!" Taki yelled in anger.

"Hey chill, remember he's the boss's leading singer. He does have BIG influence Taki. You don't want Seguchi-san to kick us out, do you?" Ma-kun tried to calm him down and fortunately he did.

"I guess you're right…but what does he wants to talk with Hiro?"

"Aren't you getting a little too obsessive over the guy?" Ken-chan asked a little pissed. "Is not like he's all that."

"So, are you jealous?" Taki smirk and Ken could only blush. "I knew it!" He laughed. "But Ken-chan…as soon as I get him in bed, I'm all yours again." *Wink*

**

Once inside a private room Ryuichi begin. "Hiroshi, I know you love Shuichi as much as I do, and because of that I want to help. I know Shuichi wants you with him, and I also know you are miserable without him as well. That's why…I want you to tell me the truth, because I know there must be something really big behind your attitude. Don't be afraid to tell me because I know that you know how much I care for Shu-chan and that I would never, ever do something to hurt him. So please, please let me help you out…let's get you and Shu-chan back together. He needs you and I know you need him too. Two best friends simply don't stop liking each other from one day to the other."

"Sakuma-san…there's nothing to say. I wanted to join ASK."

"LIAR! Like I would believe you! I may look stupid in front of everyone, but I'm not. There's no way you prefer to hang out with Aizawa than with Shu-chan, there's no way I'm going to believe that. So…spit it out! You're not leaving until you confess."

"I already told you, there's nothing to confess. So if you excuse me…" He tried to leave, but Ryuichi hold him to make sure he'd stop avoiding the question.

"No. I already told you; you are not leaving until you tell me what happen."

"You're stubborn."

"Me? Looks who's talking!" He sat down and look to Hiroshi's eyes. "I'm waiting…and I have plenty of time." He smiles. "Go ahead."

Hiro sighed and sit down as well. '_Looks like he's serious.'_ "Well, it all started in a bar. I was there and Taki appeared… He made me an offer to join ASK and I refuse- of course. But then one day Shuichi disappeared and I received a call- it was Aizawa. I know it was him because I recognize his voice, but he called from Shuichi's phone…so I can't prove it was actually him."

"What did he say?"

"Well, it was that day Shuichi was kidnapped. The voice said, if you don't want something worse to happen to him consider my offer. And well, he told me to check his work of art…it was in my front door- and there he was…my dear Shuichi beaten and covered in blood." Tears rolled down his face. "I wanted to accuse him, but I had no evidence at all…then I bump into him the day we brought him to the hospital, when I went out to buy you some lunch…then I was completely sure it was Aizawa. He told me to leave Bad Luck, or else Shuichi will suffer my rejection…so I quit Bad Luck for him. I know it sounds silly, but…I though it was the right choice, now I'm not so sure anymore."

"Why don't you tell Tohma!"

"I told you, I was afraid. I was scared he may hurt Shuichi again. I'll do anything for Shuichi…besides I wanted to go far from him because, because…"

"You were hurting. I understand, but you made the wrong choice, but…we can still fix things."

"No. Shuichi probably hates me by now…" He looked very sad. "But I prefer that, than knowing he's hurt because of me."

"Look, it is not your fault. That is just cheap psychology to convince you. The truth is he is jealous of Shuichi's talent…so he used you to break his dream, but what Aizawa doesn't know is that Shuichi can make it no matter what, and he also doesn't know that Shuichi has lots of people that loves him and will do anything for him. So…I have a plan, are you with me?"

Hiroshi smiled. "Sure, it's payback time." Then both smirk and shook their hands.

"Aizawa will regret putting his dirty hands on OUR Shu-chan."

"Oh yeah."

**

It was almost noon when Shuichi woke up. He was wrapped in white sheets and carefully placed in the middle of the wide bed inside Yuki's apartment. When he realized where he was, he smiled, but then suddenly a though ran through his mind. _'I wonder how is Ryuichi doing…?'_ His face looked sad after remembering his idol, and with the memory of Ryuichi came his smile…his sad, but beautiful smile. "Always smiling…but really gloomy." He sighed and sadly rolled to the side. "Ryu…"

'_Why am I thinking about you? I should be happy…Yuki and I are back together, just like I wanted…but…_' He rolled again to the other side. "Why do I feel this way?"

'_I…miss him?'_

"It can't be. I love Yuki." _'Are you sure this is love Shuichi? Are you sure this is what you've dream of?'_ He stood up and walked outside, still wrapped in whiteness and searched for his lover. "Yuki… Yuki…." He found him in the kitchen. "Yuki!" He smiled even when involuntarily he was feeling sad.

"You're up….I though you'll sleep all day. Tohma called; he said you should be in the studio…something about a change in Bad Luck. I didn't get it, but he said something about Nakano leaving Bad Luck, is that right?"

Shuichi looked down sadly- he had to remind him of THAT particular detail. Didn't had enough with his inner conflicts? But there was also Hiro's betrayal still hurting his heart. "Hiro… Hiro left me Yuki. He join ASK."

"I see. So it's true he left." _'Baka, I though he really cared for Shuichi_.'

"He not just left, he joined ASK, Yuki, ASK!"

"So?" '_What difference does it makes if he joins ASK or…Gacktjob*?'_

"SO? SO??? Are you listening?" _'Don't you remember they're the ones always putting me down?'_

"Hum." He nodded.

"Then you should know how I feel."

"No, how do you feel?"

He sighed feeling frustrated. "Forget it." _'It's useless, seems like he never listen to what I say...how many times have I told him about Aizawa and ASK_?' "….so what did Tohma say?"

"That you were late again, but that he forgives you for now…because you came back to me." He smiled. "But, you better be there at one, or else…"

"Or else?"

"That was all he said." Shuichi stood there silently. "So, hurry up and get ready. It's twelve already…and you need a shower."

"Yuki….!"

**

It was past the hour accorded with Tohma and Shuichi knew he was in trouble- probably, so he silently walked to the studio wishing Tohma wouldn't notice how late he was. On his way, he didn't see Tohma, but he saw Hiro and Taki in the corner. Before Shuichi's eyes, they were chatting, but the truth was they were arguing just like every day. Aizawa tried all his useless flirts leading him nowhere and Hiro ignore the brat and wished K was there to save him. But the guitarist never noticed the purple gaze observing him in melancholy.

"Hiro…" Shuichi whispered while a tear escaped to roll down his rounded cheek. But to make things worse, Aizawa saw Shindo's sadness and didn't miss the chance to simply make him sadder. So from out of nowhere he pulled Nakano-san closely and smacked him. Shichi's eyes grew wider and wider in disbelief. _'Hiro…and Aizawa?_ Is that why? No, it can't…it can't be!'

"STOP IT!" Shuichi yelled while shutting his eyes, and then ran away. He felt it was stupid to yell, but couldn't control his emotions- like always.

Hiro was surprised to hear that voice, a voice he know so well and could recognize anywhere. It was his dear Shuichi's voice. _'He did it on purpose_!' So with all the anger that ran trough him, he punched the idiot's face directly in the eye. "Hope you get a horrible bruise, so you'll look even MORE ugly than you already are. But even when you are horrible, your heart is even worse. Your heart is black and cruel." He was sure that will hurt more than the punch just because Taki was the vainest guy he ever met.

While Shuichi ran, he bumped into Tohma. _'Now things will get worse_.' He managed to think while he washed the tears away.

"Shindo-san, what happen? Where were you? I was waiting in my office until now." The boy didn't answer. "Hum, what happen? Is there a problem with Eiri-san?" The pink head shook from side to side quickly. "Then, is there a problem with Bad Luck?" Once again he shook his head. "Is there a problem…with Ryuichi-san?"

"No. I'm sorry I make you wait…."

"It's ok, come with me. K is still in my office with Sakano-san. We can talk there."

While they walked the both of them were silent, until Shuichi whispered in front of the blonde's office. "Where's Ryuichi, I want to talk to him."

"I'm sorry, I saw him leaving like an hour ago."

"Is he in his apartment?"

"No, I think he went to the ice cream shop with Tatsuha-kun." After hearing that last remark Shuichi froze and didn't say another word for about five minutes.

_'With Tatsuha? He's on a date with Tatsuha? Why? It's so soon and he already went out with someone else? Well, not that we were going out together, but I though… Why to the ice-cream shop? I though that was a special place for us?! What am I thinking…Ryuichi is just Ryuichi. There is no special place for us…right?'_

Tohma was beginning to feel anxious, so he decided it was safe to insist a bit. "Shindo-san…can we go in now?"

"S-sure."

He sat down in one of the expensive leather chairs and waited. K pats him on the shoulder and Sakano said nonsense, and then Tohma begin.

"We are keeping Bad Luck as it is, you and Fujisaki can make it on your own. I already talk with Ryuichi and he agreed, so Bad Luck's album will be out next month, along with the newest CD of Nittle Grasper, so wish you luck- it's going to be a rollercoaster."

"Demo…Ryu-chan said we'll be singing together."

"Oh that…well, Nittle Grasper has reunited so I don't think that will happen, but he did mention something about a collaborative track on Bad Luck's album. So, yeah- eventually you'll get to sing with Ryuichi-san. That will be great for Bad Luck, so put yourself together and get to work. Hopefully everything will work out perfectly."

"Tohma…?"

"Hum."

"About Hiro…?"

"Nakano-san joined ASK so forget about him. He's already working in a new single, so…cheer up." He smiled.

"I don't want Bad Luck without Hiro."

Tohma got serious and Shuichi gulped, then he said with a smile that was scarier than the frown. "Bad Luck stays as it is."

"O…k." He stood up and before leaving he looked back. "How long?"

"Nanai?"

"How long since Ryu and Tatsuha-kun left?"

"I already told you, why?"

"Never mind." He ran out.

"Shuichi!" K yelled and loaded his gun. "Come back here or I'll blow your brains out!" He ignored him, and K shoot- fortunately Shuichi was able to dodge the bullet. "Come back you little brat!" He ran after him, but he saw a sad Hiroshi at the end of the hallway- so he stopped chasing Shuichi. "Hiro-chan…"

**

He reached the ice cream shop even when he though it was impossible for them to be there, but he went anyway. He looked through the glass window and in a little corner he saw two dark haired guys and wondered if it was them. One had black hair and the other brown hair, so he concluded… _'It's them!'_

Since he couldn't make out to see them clearly, he sneaked in and with a sign asked the employee to stay quiet and he nodded. Carefully he approached the seats and peek- he was right it was Ryuichi and Tatsuha.

He hid once again and blushed feeling stupid for what he was doing. _'What the hell am I doing? Why am I spying them like… OH MY GOD! I…I… Am I jealous???!!_' O_O

He slid down on the seat behind them and listened to the conversation. _'This is wrong_!' But all he could hear were Tatsuha's giggles and "No Tatsuha-kun!!" from Ryuichi's lips.

Knowing Tatsuha Shuichi got the wrong idea. '_That's it! He…he can't molest Ryu-chan like that!'_ So he stood up and step in front of their table frowning. Then he explodes. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY RYU-CHAN YOU PERVERT!!!!"

**

Please review! =^.^=


	23. Chapter 22

**~*~**

**A/N**: First of all I want to thank everyone reading and for all the wonderful reviews this humble story had received. Secondly I would like to apologize for the long time it took to write this chapter. I wanted it to be the last, but I guess I need another chapter, so look forward for it! =^.^=

Now, I would like to answer each of you who reviewed last time because some of you left me confused. LOL So here it is!

Dementia-12: Thank you so much for reviewing and reading- I appreciate it a lot. And I liked that you quote Shu-chan's last words. =^.^=

Cloud Seven: I love Ryu and Shu too! 

Madiha: Now you were one of the people that left me totally confused because I still don't remember when was Tohma jealous? Please show me that part because I didn't read it! xD I wonder where did I give that idea.

Ashura Akuma: It's good to know you people are getting to know me. LOL I always leave it in a good part, ne? But it is not complicated…I think. 

Leina: Thanks for making me laugh with your little dance. He, he. And I keep getting -it's complicated- …is it really? I just don't believe people fall in or out of love so quickly...ok Ryu did fell in love asap, but he is a special case.

Starsaber: Well, I know its been long, but it is actually about to end. Just one more chapter to go- hopefully.

Muchacha: Why poor Tatsuha, he is young and beautiful he can get a girl/boyfriend anytime soon. He just started his life! Besides, don't you think Ryuichi is a bit old for him..ok Shu is also a kid, but…he is older than Tat. -__-'

Clayman: Thank you for loving my story. (hugs)

AoiHyou: It was funny? Really? I never consider myself funny, but if you say so…I'm happy I made it! LOL And you welcome, I don't mind telling when I update at all. And Yuki, he is not insensitive I guess, he is just hard to understand, but I won't rush the ending, you'll see. I think I finally know how to end it and hope you'll like Aizawa's ending. ~_~

KittyKitty: Wow family! =^.^= we kitties are CUUUTE! Thanks for reading and hope not to disappoint you or anyone.

Kiya: Please get yourself together! I know, I know my fault for another cliffhanger. Kekeke Me evil kitty. Meow! =^.^=

Lovely-chan: My dear friend, thanks for always reviewing and most of all for your friendship. Arigato. And yeah, you haven't updated your stories! I'm waiting! I want to know how Yuyu and Kouin will end!

Chib koibito-chan: Here's the next chap~! Hope you like!

Jen Minamoto: One of my faithful readers, thank you so much. And I never get tired of reviews, each are different even if they say the same. =^.^=

Ok, that was it- hope I didn't bore you all ~_~' but I really wanted to say thanks. Now, read on!!

~*~

Ryuichi's Love

Kitty-Kat

Chapter 22: Predilection

Bad Luck's leading singer yelled to both males' faces, but thankfully were the only ones in the shop besides the employee otherwise he would look pretty stupid at that moment. 

Ryuichi and Tatsuha looked at him confused.

"Shu-chan?" Ryuichi whispered a little nervous after the sudden scream of hysteria that still echoed in his ears. "What's wrong?" _'Did he say what I think he said? Did he say, my Ryu-chan? MY? It can't be! He must be…'_ After registering what Shuichi just said, his eyes turned sad. _'Is he toying with my feelings? He is with Yuki, then why…?'_

"Ryu…" Shuichi had no idea what to say. He just blew it! He said what he shouldn't have said and what was worst, if front of Tatsuha – Yuki's younger brother!!! That wasn't ending well; there was no chance he would get out of this one. _'Now what the hell am I doing…? What can I say to them? OH STOP STARING AT ME!!!'_ Shuichi was about to cry, he felt completely lost. This time he was REALLY in deep shit, and he was the only one to blame. '_Why I came?_' The worst thing was he had no idea what to do now, so he just did what a normal immature guy will do- he ran away. "Gomen!" And he was off.

But there was NO WAY Ryuichi will let him go that easily, and of course Tatsuha wanted to hear what his brother's little lover had to say on his defense.

'_Yuki won't like this…' _Was all Tatsuha could think of_._

"SHU-CHAN!!!" Ryuichi went after him. "SHU-CHAN WAIT!!!" And after seeing Ryuichi running away, Tatsuha can only do the same- follow.

Just right outside the shop Tatsuha was able to reach Ryuichi, and he was not letting him go away like that. "Wait up, Ryuichi!" He grabbed the man's arm roughly. "You came with me, and you're leaving with me!"

"Let go! I don't have time for games now Tatsuha- I suggest you leave and let me solve some personal matters."

"Your personal matters concern me as well, that boy is my brother's lover!" He frowns.

"I don't have time, Shuichi…" He looked around and noticed Shuichi was long gone. "Shuichi is…"

"He's gone, that leaves you with no other choice but to keep me company." He grinned.

"I'm sorry, maybe some other time." And without another word he ran away.

"HEY! HEY! Sakuma-san! Sakuma-san, come back! Come back I say!" He was left behind yelling at a memory. "He just dumped me…well not like we were dating, but it was nice to pretend and dream….RYU-CHAN!!!!!!" He sat down sadly on the sideway and sighed. "Wait till Eiri hears this Shuichi, your happy days are over…but…no way! I won't tell Eiri-san, nope…that would be BAD NEWS for me. If Shuichi wants to cheat on him, that's not of my business, but…I want Ryu-chan just for me. Damn you Shuichi!"

**

Shuichi was hiding wishing no one will find him in a hundred years, but that was only his silly day dreaming. _'Why did I say something like that? Now how can I look at Ryuichi in the eye again…he must think I'm trying to hurt him too! And what if Tatsuha tells Yuki?!!'_ His tears begin to flow quickly without stopping a single second. Shuichi was confused, and this confusion was breaking him in two. _'I want to be with Yuki, but…I…I love Ryuichi as well. No! I don't want to say it but…this feeling in my heart…it's gotta be love. It is different from my love for Yuki, but it is indeed love, and not just friendship love. It is much more than that. Ryuichi's smile, gentleness, sweetness, support, and happiness is something I need. Now that I know his true self, not only the artist in him- I love him more. It is not just that silly crush from before I met Yuki, it is something stronger and bigger, but…my love for Yuki is also strong and so big I can't control it…I can't even resist it. But my relationship with Yuki is so difficult, not that I want to run away- I've tried many times and I'm still trying, but there's Ryuichi's love- so pure, so innocent, so open…just the way I wish Yuki was- open. I wish he could open up to me and share whatever it is we have, but…he is always locked up in his own world where no one can enter but he, and it hurts to know you're not welcome inside…I wonder if I would ever be invited to his heart? The more I try to get close is the further I get, and if I don't try I found myself further and further…is like running in circles when he is ahead. But even when I try to take the right road, I end up going the wrong way…'_ Shuichi was broken, even when he and Yuki were 'in peace' at this moment, deep down it didn't felt at ease. Yuki was still behind his ice walls, and he was still trying too hard while he just stares from afar annoyed. "Yuki…are we meant to be, or is my heart opening a new path for me? I wonder if this feeling can end, or if it will always hunt me? I wonder if I can be truly happy with Ryuichi, or if in the end I'll end up breaking him to the point when his love turns into hate." 

He lay flat on the grass and sighed. "Ryuichi…what should I do? What can I say without hurting you?"

"The truth." A voice Shuichi knew well replied; he heard the last sentence the pink haired singer whispered.

"Ryuichi!" His face turned bright read. "I-I-I-I…I'm so sorry." He looked down ashamed. "I didn't mean what I said."

"Then why you said it? Sometimes we say things we wish we haven't said, but you know what- after saying it, it is too late. There's no turning back because no clock turns back the time."

"I know…I just…don't know what got into me."

"Hum…if you don't know; how should I know? But you sounded…jealous." _'Or am I just dreaming again?'_

His cheeks were bright pink once again and his eyes couldn't look straight into the blue eyes before him. "…"

"Silence….hum. Then you agree. You were jealous of Tatsuha-kun, because?"

"I just though he was molesting you; he's such a perv! He even tried to take advantage of me!" '_LIAR!'_

"He did??? He dares to touch my Shu-chan?!" Ryuichi was frowning now; there was no way he would forgive anyone hurting his dear Shuichi.

"Actually, he didn't go further because Yuki appeared." He looked down sadly after seeing Ryuichi's expression because of the pronounced name- Yuki.

"I see…Yuki is always there to save you. Well, it's obvious you don't need me, and this conversation is completely stupid. I guess I made a fool of myself again thinking, well hoping you were actually jealous. Ha, ha! It was only obvious you'll try to protect a friend knowing Tatsuha's advances." _'I guess it's true, after all Tatsuha did try to rape me- I'm so stupid….'_ Both were silent for a few moments and Ryuichi started feeling uncomfortable. "Well, sayonara Shu-chan, and congratulations."

"Why?" He asked confused.

"What do you mean? You and Yuki are back together, right?" He smiled, even when he really wanted to cry.

"Yes." Shuichi whispered.

"Well, that is a reason to celebrate, isn't that so?" Shuichi nodded softly. "Then what are you doing here wasting your time when there is a handsome man waiting for you at home." He winked. "Go home Shu-chan. Go and be happy, just the way you wanted."

"Ryuichi…I…"

Ryuichi couldn't stay there any longer, so he cut him off. "See you later Shu-chan!!" He quickly ran away, waving his hand rapidly as he did, but avoid looking back. There was no way he would let Shuichi see his tears and the anguish in his eyes.

"I love you…" After Ryuichi was gone he managed to whisper what he couldn't say before, and after hearing what he just said Shuichi covered his mouth in disbelief. His eyes grew bigger and bigger after realizing what he just said, and in just an instance the boy turned into tears. "I love you."

**

Aizawa wouldn't stop asking Hiro what his conversation with Sakuma was about, but Hiro insisted on saying nothing and smiling- he was aware of how much it irritates Taki.

"Fine, if you're not telling, you're out." Taki tried to threat.

"You'll do me a favor." He grinned.

"What would you do then?"

"Study…I always thought about being a doctor…since I have the brains you obviously don't."

"Did you call me an idiot?" ANGER.

"Hey, if the shoe fits." His smile didn't fade once.

"I had it with you!" He turned around. "But you know what, there's no way I'm letting you go. You belong to me Nakano Hiroshi."

"Oh sure, sure…whatever." He walked away relief and went to find K- Aizawa followed. "Kei-chan!" Since he found him alone at the studio, he grabbed him from behind. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Let me think…nothing, why? Have anything in mind?" He smirked while he rubbed his hands on the read head's arms circling his waist.

"Maybe we can go out for a drink…and if you want, only if you want…we can spend the night…watching TV of course." He giggled.

"Yeah, TV sounds entertaining….I have a video camera." He grinned widely.

"Oh!" He blushed and let go of the blonde's waist. "I didn't know you were into that kind of stuff."

"What are you suggesting Hiro? I only said we could see some of my home made clips." He turned around and smile. "I have plenty of trainings on video." Evil smirk.

"AH! Are you nuts? I'm not watching those crappy videos of yours!" He turned around indifferently.

"Gotcha!" Now he was the one grabbing Hiroshi from behind. "Of course I meant…" *Whispers* "After all, you look real good on camera."

"Kei-chan!" They giggled. "I bet you look even better."

At the door, two evil eyes observed in anger. '_That **old** maniac is with MY Hiro?'_ He smirks and left the area. "Not for long…" (That's what he thinks.)

**

No matter what Shuichi said, Nittle Grasper's leading man couldn't stop thinking and remembering the previous events.

Flashback: "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY RYU-CHAN YOU PERVERT!!!!"

Ryuichi grabbed his head trying to erase those words. "Shut up already! I don't want to hear it again! Please Shuichi…don't repeat it again…it hurts. It hurts so much…" No matter how much he tried, all he could think of was Shuichi's words. Those words echoed eternally like a chant in his head, repeating over and over without end. "Why can't you love me? Why can't you say you love me and not him…not Yuki Eiri. I wish…I wish…"

"I wish I was Yuki." Ryuichi begin to laugh. "I wish I was Yuki so Shuichi will love me, and only me. If I were Yuki, Shuichi would only have eyes for me and no one else in the world." He sighed. "But…I am Sakuma Ryuichi and nothing will ever change. Ryuichi Sakuma is a lonely man, an eternally lonely man."

**

Shuichi went back home late that night; Yuki was waiting for him even when he wouldn't mention it. The truth was he was worried about him, where could he be at these hours anyway? He only wished he was NOT with Sakuma Ryuichi or he will hear him for once and for all. So when he heard the door, he prepared for him to glop at him or something, but he was expecting it anxiously even when he would act coldly toward him- that was his plan. _'Act cool…you were NOT waiting for him, uh uh_.'

But Yuki's plans were vanished when he heard the bathroom door close, and didn't hear his lover's voice echoing inside the room to call his name.

"What happen?" He wondered confused. _'I haven't done anything wrong…then why did he ignore me?' _He frowns. _'He is NOT ignoring me- that's MY job!!!'_ He was irritated, angry, and most of all hysterical. _'He was supposed to come over and beg for attention while I, Eiri Yuki, ignore him and enjoy his plea!_' He typed faster and faster. _'When did I become Shuichi?'_

Minutes later Shuichi got off the shower and sat next to Yuki sadly. Now this worried Yuki even more.

"What is the matter?" He tried to ask casually. _'I'm cool._'

Shuichi shrugged.

"Something's wrong, you're not yourself today."

"That must be it." He simply said.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mustn't be myself today…" '_That explains. Yeah, that's it. Tomorrow Yuki will be my all again.'_

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe if I go to bed; tomorrow everything would be back to normal."

"What do you mean?" _ 'Why do I keep asking the same question over and over?_'

"Just that. Night Yuki." He left the writer behind without even trying to give him a kiss, and then Yuki snapped.

"Hold it!" Shuichi stopped and Yuki walked over. "How about a kiss?" _'Damn, that sounds desperate.'_

"Ok." He kissed him indifferently and continued his journey.

Yuki stood there frozen and confused. _'That was it? How in the world…? Why am I the one asking for attention? Why am I being ignored? Why do I want more while he just walked away like nothing matters? And why am I asking myself a bunch of stupid things when my Shuichi is all down and lost? I must go over and…and what? Fuck him? That sounded great in my head, but probably won't be a good idea for him. Then how am I supposed to solve this, talking? No way!'_

Yuki doubted and battled his conscious a hundred times before entering the room, and while he argued mentally Tatsuha walked in and stare at his brother- then he smirks. "Problems brother?"

"N-no! Why?" Yuki tried to act cool, but he looked worried.

"Never mind." He let himself fall down on the couch. "Luck- you'll need it." He whispered.

"What do you mean?" _ 'Here I go again.'_

"Nothing…just hope you have more luck than me, that's all."

"So, you know something I don't. Just said it- you're both acting strange."

"Don't compare me with him."

"Definitely- I don't have bad taste." He smirked. _'And when did I become so transparent? It's totally obvious I'm a little insecure…_'

"Then that's probably why Ryuichi doesn't like me- he just likes your Shuichi-kun."

"Well, you said it- MY Shuichi, so he lost. Now, sorry but I don't have time to chat." _'My Shuichi, MY SHUICHI…why am I so possessive too? What the hell is wrong with me today, does the lack of Shuichi turned me stupid?_' He stood up and walked away, but before he turns the knob of the door Tatsuha whispered.

"Don't feel so confident."

Yuki wasn't sure if he heard what he heard, but still he walked inside the room. _'What was that all about?'_

"Shuichi?" 

Silence. 

Yuki sat next to him and remove a pink lock that was covering Shuichi's eyes. "He is asleep." And then kiss his forehead. "Night."

'_Forgive me Yuki…I'm so afraid, so lost.'_

**

Shuichi avoided Yuki the next morning by leaving very early to the studio, which made Yuki suspicious so he called Tohma just to be shocked with the news- Shuichi was working a LONG time ago.

"What happened to my Shuichi?" Yuki wondered confused. "He never leaves early, he never ignored me before, and…he looks so sad…where is the hyper boy I fell in love with? Where are you Shuichi….?" He silently whispered in his bedroom without knowing his young brother was eavesdropping. 

_'It's pitiful… my brother's laments are something rare, and to think I can give him the answer…but I can't. I can't give up on Ryu just yet.'_

**

Ryuichi's new song was being recorded; at last Nittle Grasper started recording their first single after so long. It was different than before, all of them were older and more mature, so were the lyrics. Tohma was sure to whom those lyrics were sung, but didn't mention word.

_'He is really in love…'_ Tohma though and smiled sadly thinking it was just another lonely ending for his dear friend Ryuichi. '_So unfair…'_
    
    ~I want a scar to remain on you 
    
     shutting you in this diorama 
    
     passing by, i shouted and tried to lash out 
    
     yet nothing i heard exceeded my predilection 
    
     even if you breathe, it isn't possible 
    
     under these circumstances 
    
     the love that stays strong is superior ~
    
    '_Shuichi…why can't you look at me the way you look at him?'_
    
     ~Can't get enough, it's more than words 
    
     don't let me down, i want it to be revealed 
    
     one more night, even if a scar remains 
    
     the eyes you look into were the first you saw 
    
     i was only born to betray 
    
     my lips, in the end, feel sharp 
    
     you're lost in a cloud of meaningless reason 

in your foolish predilection ~

'_Even whe he makes you cry, always makes you cry…you always chose him over me. Always him…'_
    
    ~There is no longer a solid beam 
    
     from this room 
    
     you will quickly be rescued 
    
     can't get enough of your heavy heart or face 
    
     don't let me down, i'll wipe you clean of the pain 
    
     one more night of true love 
    
     will you ever be mine? ~
    
    _'Will you ever love me? Will you ever give me a chance to prove my love? Will you ever chose me over him? Will you? Will you?'_
    
    ~Even when it began 
    
     it was lost 
    
     this game doesn't seem to end - will it? 
    
     can't get enough, it's more than words 
    
     don't let me down, i want it to be revealed 
    
     one more night, even if a scar remains 
    
     the eyes you look into were the first you saw ~
    
    _'I wish I came in first, maybe…maybe that would've made the difference, but I'm always last. Shuichi, please give me a chance. Let me let free my love for you. Only for you…who am I kidding- I lost from the start.'_

After a few hours they took a break – the song was practically done.

"I can't believe how fast we worked that out!" Noriko smiled. "But I'm happy we are back together. I love that song Ryu-chan! It's so sad, but pretty at the same time."

"Arigato." He smiled, he was glad the three of them were back together.

"I'm going for lunch, you guys want to come?" The blonde asked to his friends.

"Yeah!" Norio quickly grabbed his arm and gesture the singer to follow. "Come on Ryu-chan!"

"I'll catch up with you guys later; I have something to do first." He gave them a sweet smile, and they left without asking further- they wanted to respect Ryuichi's privacy since he was the one to ask for new treatment.

"Ok." Both left knowing he won't meet up with them anytime soon.

He turn off the lights, made a phone call, and then text someone: 

_Ready_!

He hid and waited for long minutes until two men entered the recording studio. _'Great!'_ He though happily.

Just after they entered, the discussion begins…

"Look I'm tired of you and your constant stalking, not to mention arrogant, stupid, and selfish attitude. Besides I don't even like your music." The read head explained.

"What do you mean, Nakano-san?"

"What do you think? Are you listening at all? I'm sick of you!"

"So?"

"I quit." Hiroshi smiled.

"You can't do that and you know it."

"Why not? I'm free, and I haven't signed any contract yet. So I can go and join the band I like the most, and guess what band is that?"

"Don't tell me; let me guess…Bad Luck?"

"Bingo! You are not that dumb after all." He smirks.

Taki begins to laugh and then got serious all of a sudden. "You can't quit ASK because if you do, I'll make sure your dear Shuichi's pretty face ends up disfigured or worse…dead."

"You wouldn't."

"I wouldn't? Did you forget already what I did to him last time? Did you forget the way he looked that night after I beat the hell out of him?"

"Oh, you mean the day you kidnapped him and kick him until he lost consciousness?"

"Exactly."

Hiro then begins to laugh. "You are really the biggest idiot on Earth." He begins to walk away.

"Hey! What are you doing! I'm telling you- I won't be gentle this time…I'll kill him for sure!"

"No you won't, your act is over…by now all Japan knows the real Aizawa Taki."

"What…?" He was clueless.

Ryuichi got out of his hideout and smiled. "That's right, there's no way we would let you hurt Shu-chan. You though Hiro would be your puppet forever? Think again, he's smart not like you…falling into our trap so easily."

"Trap?" Taki's face sweat and looked around. "You're making it up, aren't ya?" He chuckled. "Good one, Sakuma, Nakano…I got to admit its pretty convincing."

"You think we're bluffing?" Hiro smiled and turn on the TV on the back- and he saw his face at that exact moment. Surprise, surprise Taki…"

"Congratulations, you made it- you are all over the news. You most be the most talk about person in Japan right now…sayonara." Both left behind a fallen Aizaka.

"It can't…be. No. NO. NO. NOOOO!"

**

Ryuichi and Hiro were standing on the hallway silently when Sakuma placed his hand on Hiro's shoulder. "Go to him. Go and take care of him for me, ok?"

Hiro nodded and turn around to face him. "Arigato Sakuma-san." He bows low. "I couldn't do it without you."

"Just promise to keep being his best friend and protecting him."

"I will." He ran in to Bad Luck's studio where they were rehearsing a new song. Shuichi's eyes grew wider when he saw his best friend's face showing up in the studio just like that. 

'_Hiro…what is he…?'_

"Shuichi…" He looked inside the purple gaze he loved and missed so much, and then smiled. "I'm finally home…with you guys. I'm sorry I took that long…something came up and I had to handle it by myself, but now…I just need another chance."

"Hiro…!" Shuichi's eyes were already dripping all over the place and in less than a second he was in his best friend's arms. "Hiro! Hiro!"

"It's ok…I'm sorry." Hiroshi held him tightly while his eyes betrayed him and gave up some tears.

Suguro wasn't THAT happy, for him Hiroshi was only a traitor, so he spit it out. "How can you be so happy after all he did to us? Don't you remember when he left? He said nothing to us, why welcome him with open arms just like nothing ever happen?"

Shuichi turned around and smiled to him. "Because Hiro is my best friend and I know he never really left Bad Luck."

"Shuichi…" Hiro smiled overwhelmed.

"You are just stupid! He may leave again!" Suguru didn't give up so fast.

"I won't. Shuichi and I made this band together, so…it is not the same if the album comes out without me. Besides, Shuichi's song without my guitar will only suck." He grinned.

"HIRO!!!" The singer nudges him playfully.

K smiled. "Enough chatting already- GET TO WORK!!!" Gun pointing at Hiro's face. "Especially you- you need to catch up!"

"Hai!" Hiro agreed and quickly turn around to go get his guitar.

"Wait!" Hiro turned around once again to face the blonde manager he knows so well. "Welcome back." And he winked while he smirked.

"Arigato." He winks back.

'_I'm so glad…we'll be together longer now._' K blushed slightly after his thoughts, but no one noticed.

**

Yuki was silently watching the news when he saw what happened. "So he did it again…Sakuma Ryuichi move ahead of me. How come I'm always the last to know everything about Shuichi." He frowns. "If I knew…I would've killed that Aizawa…for sure, I would."

"Just give it up Eiri-san…Sakuma-san…well Sakuma-san won. He won."

"You mean this time."

Yuki's younger brother took his time to answer, and totally unconvinced said: "…Sure." 

'_…am I doing the right thing?'_

Yuki eyed him suspiciously. "You know something- now spit it out!"

"I don't!" He tried to evade him.

"Tell me- NOW!" His eyes were focus on him with that scary look.

He gulped. "O…k." He begins. "I think…I think Shuichi loves Sakuma-san…he may be cheating on you."

"…" Yuki was serious but speechless.

"I'm not sure, but yesterday…" Yuki's eyes were sad, so Tatsuha shut up.

"Yesterday?" His voice was gloomy but he wanted to hear it all.

"Yesterday he made a scene in an ice-cream shop. He was pissed because Ryuichi was with me." He nodded.

"You're making it up- it was probably just your imagination." He was on denial.

"Eiri!"

"I said it was only your imagination. Shuichi wouldn't cheat on me!" He was furious, just to think of the possibility made him angry, but must of all broken.

"I'm not making it up! He…he…"

"Shut up already!" He slaps him. "It's a lie! You just want to laugh at me."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because Sakuma Ryuichi ignored you, so you want me to be unhappy too."

"Heh! You don't know me at all bro. The truth was said, believe it or not, but if you hear Shuichi yell at me: Get your hands off my Ryu-chan, what would you think?" Yuki didn't answer and Tatsuha left him alone with his thoughts.

_'Shuichi…you…you didn't. You didn't say that, right? You only have eyes for me…just for your dear Yuki- like always. Just for Yuki…'_

**

Notes: The lyrics Ryuichi is singing are from the translation of Predilection, a Nittle Grasper song on the Sound Story III- sung by Yamaguchi Kappei. =^.^=


	24. Chapter 23

Ok people this is it! This is the last chapter of Ryuichi's Love (by the way, I wanted to change the title to Predilection a while ago, what do you think? But figured people may lose track of the fic. =P) Anyway, I just want to thank everyone that took the time to read my story, and everyone that took the time to write a review and/or a mail after reading it. I truly am grateful and wish to write more in the future as well. This was the first story I ever wrote and I can't believe how many reviews I got! =^.^= 

Warning: This chapter is very, very long, and it contains a lot of sap. Sorry about that. 

Thank you guys again, hope you enjoy my ending- and hope to please everyone. I sure please myself. =^__^= 

-Special thanks to AoiHyou for beta reading this chapter. Thank you very much; you don't know how much I appreciate it.

**Ryuichi's Love**

By _Kitty Kat_ =^.^=

Chapter 23: _A Hole in my Heart / You really loved me_

  
~~~~ Note: Blocks between these are the reflection of Yuki's heart at the end or close to the end of the story. 

  
So many days had passed since they first met, and every day was still like a new beginning. There had never been time for boredom because it had always been so loud and crazy. He never imagined that losing what he though he hated would cause him so much pain. Just thinking that the silence surrounding him would last forever made him cry like he had never cried before. 

_'I don't want this to be my everyday, not anymore...' _

He sighed and sobbed continuously while the thoughts tortured his heart again and again. 

_'Not after meeting you Shuichi. Now I don't think I can live with this silence and loneliness ahead.' _

He tried to laugh, but not even that came out right. Instead, a loud moan escaped his lips, followed by more sobs. 

_'How pathetic I've become...crying for that brat like he was the only person on Earth.' _

He was silent for a few minutes, not even his tears were freed, and then he murmured: "But you _have _become the only one..." 

The blond begin to wonder how the little brat had managed to get stuck into his cold heart like that. So fast, so easily, and without a warning. 

"He trapped me.... with his innocent smile and those puppy eyes. Is it that simple to make me fall in love? Pathetic...so pathetic, but now I have no escape." 

He brushed away the tear that suddenly betrayed him once again, and stood up. "I can't go on like this... I need to move on." 

~~~~~ 

** 

Meanwhile, Tohma was scolding Ryuichi for not telling him his plans. 

"I'm only saying you should have let me handle it. Now I look like a fool in front of the press...not knowing what was going on in my own company- AND RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE! Ryuichi...you should have told me!" 

"I'm sorry Tohma, but its too late now. I already fixed things... Besides, I wanted the world to know the kind of man Aizawa is. You would have hidden everything from the press and I wanted him to-I want him to pay for what he did." 

"You think I would have let him get away with it? You've got to be kidding Ryu-chan." But he was thoughtful for a moment, and then added. "Maybe you are right, I would've fixed it my way... but still, he would NOT get away with it." 

"Oh well...maybe next time Tohma. Now, lets get to work. I want to finish the single already. I'm so excited with the way it turned out." 

"Alright..." He agreed, but he wasn't happy at all. 

** 

Shuichi was happy, for a change. Things were starting to go the way he wanted, at least professionally. Hiroshi was back and the music was coming out just perfectly. It was amazing how much chemistry there was between him and his best friend. Everyone was feeling happy. Even Suguru was glad Hiro was back since Shuichi was a lot more energetic and cooperative. 

"So, how did it go, K-san?" Shuichi asked with bright eyes. 

The tall blonde manager smiled and pointed thumbs up. "OK! You sure are putting your all in this. I'm glad you're not slumping again." He sat down next to Hiro. "Now, lets take a hour off for lunch!" He turned to the side to face 'his lover', but before he could open his mouth for an invitation... 

Shuichi grabbed Hiro's arm and dragged him away. "Let's go Hiro! Maybe we can catch up with Ryu-chan! I have to thank him for what he did!" 

Hiro followed smiling. "What about Fujisaki and K? Aren't they coming?" He knew K was going to be mad. _'Sorry...' _He snickered after imagining the blonde firing at the ceiling because he was left behind. 

"If they want, but I think they're way behind already." Hiro snickered after hearing his best friend's remark. "RYU-CHAN!!!" He opened the door with a kick and when it was opened he realized he had just made Tohma fly to the other side of the studio and crash against the wall. 

"SHINDO-SAN!!!" Tohma scowled. 

"OH! I'm sorry Seguchi-san...I didn't know you were at the door." He looked down sheepishly. 

"That is no way of opening the door anyways," he stood up and smirked after seeing the singer's arm intertwined with Hiro's. "I can see you two are back together. Good. I guess I should go now." He left, closing the door behind him softly. 

Ryuichi smiled happily, "I'm so happy na no da!" His eyes gleamed with joy, "You guys are close again!" He smiled again sweetly. 

"Ryu-chan! I came to say thanks...." He ran to him and grabbed his shoulders. "I owe you BIG TIME! I want to make it up to you." Ryuichi looked deep into the purple orbs and removed Shuichi's arms from his shoulder. 

"It was nothing. I just wanted to see you smile again. I guess you have it all now...you deserve it." He turned around to avoid looking at him again. He took a deep breath while gathering strength to dismiss his beloved with an excuse. "Look, I have to finish mixing this tune...I'll see you around then, ne?" 

Shuichi was surprised that his dear Ryuichi was acting so distant and cool- it was somehow very disappointing. 

"I wanted you to join us for lunch," he murmured sadly, and then looked down quickly to hide the shadow of pain from his best friend- after all, Hiro didn't know, right? 

"I'm sorry, maybe some other time. You go have fun with Nakano-san. You guys probably have tons of things to catch on." Sakuma acted indifferent, like it wasn't a big deal, but deep down all he wanted to do was trap Shuichi in his arms and embrace him. 

_'It's better this way...I better work hard and keep my mind busy. I have to get over him; we are friends, and nothing more. I have to understand once and for all that Shuichi is just another lost love....' _

"I guess...okay... bye, Ryuichi." Shuichi left the room, but Hiro stayed for a second. 

"Giving up, huh?" Ryuichi nodded. "I think you have a chance." Hiro was surprised to hear those words coming out of his own mouth. 

"There's nothing I can do. Nothing will change, Nakano-san; Shuichi will always love Yuki and I will always just be Sakuma Ryuichi- his _idol." _

"I wouldn't be so sure...well, bye." He left the singer alone with his sadness and caught up with his best friend. "Hey wait up!" 

"Huh? I though you were behind me..." He looked down sadly and Hiro knew why Shuichi was upset enough to not notice his absence. He was sad. So obviously sad, and he knew the reason behind Shuichi's gloomy eyes. He could tell there was a battle going on inside Shuichi's heart just by looking at him. 

"Look Shuichi...if you love him, just tell him." 

Shuichi's cheeks turned bright pink and then he looked up into his friend's eyes in amazement. _'How does he know?' _

"Don't look at me like that, I know you and I can tell..." He held his friends cheeks and smiled tenderly at him. "I just want you to be happy Shu, so just let go of your fear and tell him." 

"I can't...there's Yuki." _'OH MY GOD, I JUST ADMITTED TO HIRO THAT I LOVE RYUICHI!' _He gasped after hearing his own words. "I mean..." _'Dammit! Me and my HUGE IDIOTIC MOUTH!' _

"You want to keep a relationship that's not making you happy anymore?" 

"I love Yuki!" He screamed out loud. Hiro was a little surprised to hear Shuichi defend his love for Yuki so furiously. "But I love Sakuma-san too." He added softly. The sweet rounded face looked up to Hiro's face once again. "What can I do Hiro? I love them both. I love them both so much it hurts...it hurts so much... but... but I don't want to hurt either of them. Both are dear to me...both are so loved and treasured inside my heart." 

"So you hurt yourself..." the guitarist sighed, "I can't tell you what to do, but you can't love them both the same. You have to figure this out on your own, Shuichi. But I can tell you one thing- only one can be your all, just find out who it is. But it is unfair to Yuki, you know... To have him there wondering must be painful too." 

"He doesn't know- I think." _'But if Tatsuha opens his mouth...I'm dead!' _

"He probably knows something's wrong, you are so easy to read, Shuichi." Those words made the pink haired singer realize that Yuki was probably aware of his sudden change. 

_'I've changed...the Shuichi that returned to Yuki that afternoon wasn't the same one that left him... Somehow in the middle of all this, I fell in love with Ryuichi...but now that he's gone.... now that Ryuichi is no longer beside me to hold me, and smile at me...I feel, I feel something is missing; like something left a hole in my heart....' _

** 

_'I'm falling in a hole... it's so big and, so deep that there is no end to it. The only thing I need to fill it is you-- Shuichi. But I know the hole in my heart will only grow more each day. Every time I see you, every time I think of you, this hole grows...and consumes me. I want to heal. I want to smile for real; I want to experience happiness, real happiness...' _

"I wonder how it feels to be truly happy..." 

Ryuichi thought he was alone; it'd been a while since he had locked himself in the studio to finish Nittle Grasper's latest song. It had been a long time since he'd heard the singsong voice he loved the most fade away. 

"I can't tell you either, maybe Noriko knows." Ryuichi looked up in surprise after hearing Tohma's voice. "But I guess it must be wonderful." 

Sakuma sighed and nodded. "I though you knew...aren't you happy with Mika-chan?" 

Tohma sat next to him and placed his arm around the singer's shoulders. "I can't say I'm unhappy, but I'm not entirely happy." There was silence for a few moments. "Ryuichi..." And there was even more silence for a longer period of time, until finally the blonde cleared his throat and continue. 

"I've wanted to tell you; actually, I've needed to say something to you." 

Ryuichi look into the emerald eyes waiting for whatever the blonde had to say. 

"I'm so sorry...for hurting you. I...I shouldn't have done something like that, not to you. You were, no, you are so pure...you didn't deserve my betrayal. The truth is I shouldn't accept our relationship in the first place because I knew I loved Eiri...I loved him from the start and I was only trying to fool myself into thinking I would forget about him that easily...but I didn't stop to think all the wrong I would cause you. I was selfish...I've always been. But, even if it's late...I want to apologize for breaking your heart..." 

Ryuichi replied with a sad but comforting smile, and then added a pat in the back, 

"It's ok...it's all in the past now, and this is a new beginning. I started a new life, and new projects for the new and improved Nittle Grasper. We were young and immature...I over reacted anyway...leaving so suddenly and right in the peak of our careers." He laughed lightly. "But here we are...God gave us a second chance; lets give our best." 

Tohma smiled and nodded, and to his surprise find himself sharing a tight embrace with his old friend. "Arigato, Ryuichi-san." 

** 

~~~~ 

"Shuichi..." 

The blonde novelist could've sworn he heard his own voice echoing inside his apartment, it seemed like it kept repeating inside his head again and again as a reminder that he was alone. 

_'For now...' _He sighed, wondering why he could still hear the sound of his voice whispering in his ears... 

_SHUICHI. _

_'The empty room's probably affecting my sanity. Maybe I need to unlock myself from this confinement.' _Yuki wondered, but then remembered he promised not to leave until Shuichi returned home. _'Maybe I'll finish the novel by then...' _

He stood up to see what was left in the fridge. _'Leftovers- again. _' But he wasn't in the mood to cook, just like yesterday, so this would have to do. _'I have to be here when he comes back...alive and healthy or he'll be mad.' _

After the not so delicious dinner, he sat down again at his desk, the one that was recently strategically placed in front of the door so he could see when his beloved return home. 

"You're taking so long Shuichi..." 

~~~~ 

** 

That night, Bad Luck prepared a reunion party to welcome Hiro. Of course, it was planned at the moment, so there was no time for invitations. That meant that the only ones at 'the party' were Shuichi and Hiroshi- but they still called it a party anyways. 

Since Shuichi didn't had a clue about his best friend's relationship with their manager, the blonde stayed out of it, and Fujisaki went home since he was, after all, the youngest. 

"Ne Hiro... I have to thank you for standing up for me. I though you hated me; but you did it all because you truly care. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you." 

Hiro smiled; he was grateful that at least Shuichi recognized the fact that he was indeed a good friend and that he forgave him for his 'bad deed'. "It was nothing. You would've done the same for me, right?" 

"Hum...let me think about it..." He mocked the red head. 

"SHUICHI!" So Hiro played mad. 

"Hahaha! Gotcha!" Hiro messed with the singer's pink head and smiled some more. Both felt content. "You're my best friend forever, Hiro... Even when I though you didn't like me anymore, I still loved you." 

Hiro blushed, but smiled. "That sounded so weird in my head." 

"Hentai!" They sat on stools and it was then that Shuichi remembered he'd never told Yuki he'd be late. "OH! Got to call Yuki or he'll be mad!" He dialed. 

"Hum?" The blonde answered at the other end. 

"Yuki! I forgot to tell you; I'll be late because..." 

He cut him off. "Hiro- I know. Don't get back too late." 

"Okay." He hung up and smiled. "He knew I was with you..." 

"So he saw the news..." Shu nodded. "And Ryuichi was on them." 

"OH!" Shuichi was thoughtful. "But, he didn't mention him, just you...so, he knows we're alone, right?" 

"I don't know." 

** 

_'He's probably with Sakuma...that jerk!' _He swallowed down the entire can of beer. 

"Dammit!" Then he kept typing. "Maybe I should join the party." He smirked. "Yeah..." 

He got up and sighed. _'He won't expect THAT for sure.' _

Ten minutes later, Shuichi received a call from Yuki. 

"Where are you?" The blonde simply asked. 

"I told you, I'm with Hiro." 

"Were at?" 

"The bar Tohma always takes us to." 

"Ok." 

Shuichi lift his shoulders confused. "I don't know why he called." 

"He's probably checking you're not lying." Hiro laughed hard. "He'll probably call every ten minutes from now on, just to make sure you don't get a chance to do anything with Sakuma-san." He laughed and laughed some more. "He's jealous! Muwahahahahahahahahaha! I can't imagine Yuki Eiri jealous! With that stone face of his!" He laughed even more, and then added. "I can't believe he's able to have some kind of emotion! I'm impressed!" 

"Hiro.." 

"That ice cold heart of his felt jealousy! WOW!" He just couldn't stop. 

"HIRO!" 

Shuichi was serious and giving him The Look. 

"...He's right behind me, isn't he?" The guitarist hung his head. 

"Yup." Hiro slowly turned around, just to find the angriest face he'd ever seen. 

"KYAAA!!!!!" He ran off. "Se ya later Shu!!" 

"COWARD!" Yuki yelled in disgust. "So that was what your lame party was all about? Making fun of me?" He frowned while looking down at his little lover. 

"Yu-Yuki...you're actually letting others see you with me? In public?" 

He cleared his throat. "You're avoiding my question. Is that what you do with your friends, make fun of me?" 

"NO! Hiro was just... He was just surprised you called back." 

"Hum.. Let's go, baka." 

"But-" He sadly looked down. _'And I though we were spending time together... I should've known better than that, Yuki is embarrassed of me.' _

"Move!" 

"H-Hai." Shuichi followed a few steps behind the blond because Yuki demanded it that way. _'I can't even walk by his side...can't even dream about holding hands... Ryuichi always held my hand...and it felt real nice.' _His cheeks turned slightly pink when he remembered the warmth of Ryuichi's hands. _'So nice.' _

** 

A month went by, and Nittle Grasper's new single was airing for the first time that morning. Everyone was expecting it, so was Shuichi. The young singer was sitting dumbly in front of the TV set. He nervously play with the remote control and Yuki was annoyed by it, but what annoyed him the most was Shuichi's desperate need to hear the new song and see the new video- both at the same time. Not the video itself, but Sakuma Ryuichi's new video, or should he say Nittle Grasper's new video. 

"Stop it already! You're making me sick!" The writer protested in annoyance, but most of all he was crazy with jealousy. He didn't recall seeing Shuichi getting that excited and desperate when his latest novel came out, or when the first interview was made, in fact...he couldn't remember Shuichi even paying attention to it. "It's not like they'll never play it again. They will probably play it so many times that the entire Japan will get nauseous!" 

"YUKI! Shut up, I'm trying to listen!" 

Yuki was speechless; it was the first time Shuichi had told him to shut up, and all because of... "Sakuma Ryuichi...that is all you care about, isn't it?" 

"Shh!" 

That was it! There was no way he will keep hiding and burying all the feelings he managed to swallow for the last month. He was trying to be a good lover, a considerate lover, but Shuichi seemed to be bewitched in a very disturbing way since he hadn't even noticed any of his efforts. Shuichi was evasive, and that adoring look in his eyes had faded. 

_'It hurts. His indifference hurts so much...it's what's making the hole grow.... I guess now I know how he felt every time I ignored him, and put him down with no reason. Now I know how it feels to be told to shut your stupid mouth. Now I know what is like to feel you are in the way, that you're annoying the one you love, that you're irritating the one you love, that you're not loved by the one you love the most in the entire universe.' _He faintly smiled. _ 'I guess I deserve it. I cave the hole myself...now I'm falling inside. It's ironic how we switched places. I'm pleading for attention, and he is ignoring it...just like I did before. Isn't there a way to turn back the time and make it better? Isn't there a way to fix everything? Isn't there a way for him to look at me again the same way he is looking at that image right now? Isn't there a way for me to win his love back again? Isn't there a way to fill this hole in my heart once again, with his love and affection? Isn't there a way to stop my heart from hurting? Isn't there a way for me to stop holding on to him while denying again and again his love is gone?' _

The video ended long minutes ago and Shuichi was still staring at the TV. His eyes were shining brightly and his mouth was wide open- looking like a REAL idiot. _'That song was about me...' _

"Shuichi...?" The blonde murmured sadly, but the boy didn't reply. 

"Shuichi..." He repeated, but nothing. This only made the blonde weaker and more insecure than before. _'He's gone...this time he really is gone. My love, my Shuichi left me...he left me with a hole in my heart.' _A tear rolled down his face, but Shuichi don't even notice that rare event. Yuki Eiri was depressed, completely apprehensive, and most of all lost in an abyss of pain. "Isn't there a way...?" 

** 

Aizawa paid his time in jail. He was kept for only two months, but his career was practically over. He felt the world ended and that no one would ever get close to him again. He felt dirty, and while he walked out miserably, he looked up and then sighed in defeat. "I messed up...and I lost it all." 

"Not all of it," A voice came from behind him; he turned around to find Ken's smiling face. "I'm still here, Taki." 

"Ken...!" He was obviously surprised. 

"Hey, don't forget about me!" Ma-kun showed his face as well and winked. "About time you got out, we've been waiting all morning." 

"Ma, you too?!" He couldn't help it, he smiled and embraced them. "I'm so glad...you guys didn't give up on me." 

"You learned your lesson, right?" Ken asked and Taki nodded. "Even if you fall you've always got to get up again. With each fall we learn a new lesson." 

"Thank you." His eyes were blurred by tears. 

"Hey, we missed you, especially him. He was going nuts without you." Ma winked and Ken could only blush. 

"Oh, really?" He looked at Ken, only to find him looking down to avoid eye contact with him. 

"I'm glad..." Taki's hand searched for the lowered face and lifted it up. "I'm so glad." And then he kissed him long and sweet. "I missed you too Ken-chan. I realized while I was there how stupid I was. I had you right there and didn't appreciate it, but not anymore- if you forgive me of course." 

Ken nodded and smiled, and then Ma-kun cleared his throat and hurries them. "C'mon, don't make a scene in front of me! Get a room you guys!" 

"You're just jealous!" Both yelled and then giggled. 

"Ahhh...nothing's changed." Ma sighed and smiled, knowing that everything was quite the contrary. 

** 

"We did it!" Tohma exclaim happily. "Nittle Grasper is on top of the charts!" He showed the lists to Noriko and Ryuichi. "That means we haven't lost our touch." He winked and smiled widely. Mika was at the back, observing her husband's smiling face, finding that she could only smile back. She couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled like that. 

_'He's happy...Tohma is very happy.' _

"I knew we could do it Tohma-san! What, did you think someone as talented as I am wouldn't make this band shine?" Noriko winked. 

"Of course not!" The three of them smiled. "Ryuichi, you are awfully quiet. You don't like the news?" Tohma wondered why his friend was so quiet. 

"Oh, no I am very happy. It's just..." He looked down smiling shyly. "I...I only wonder..." _'...If Shuichi liked the song.' _He sighed sadly. Ryuichi had managed to avoid Bad Luck's singer every time he appeared- always had an excuse to dismiss him and hurry out. Ever since the day when Shuichi and Hiro visited him at the studio to invite him for lunch, since that day he avoided him. He surely was busy, writing new songs, recording, promoting, rehearsing, and of course doing the video. But the truth was that he just wanted some time to forget and get his new life on track. 

The new Sakuma Ryuichi was born with a new image and style. Ryuichi highlighted his hair with a lighter tone of brown, his sensuality was freed even more, and his sexiness was intensified. He needed a new look for the tour, a new image for this record, but most of all, he needed something to mark the beginning of his new life. Sakuma wanted to impress the world, and to do so he couldn't be the same... he needed a fresh new look. No one could sing like him, at least for the time being, and this was his moment to shine brighter than ever. Deep down, he was completely sure he only wanted to impress him (Shuichi); not the world, but still it was a good argument- right? 

"I'm sure Shindo-san liked the song you wrote to him, Ryuichi. But why don't you go ask him yourself." Mika's face turned completely white after hearing her husband's words, now she understood why her brother was so down. Eiri was acting strange, well a lot more than the usual, and it was all because of Shuichi. She hadn't been sure that was the reason, now she was. 

"Eiri-san..." She whispered so low that no one heard her. _'He's hurt!' _ Without a word she ran out. 

"Mika-san!" Tohma called out when he saw her leave so suddenly. "Huh?" He was confused, and then Noriko explained. 

"Probably got her period." 

"OH!" Both males commented and rolled their eyes. "Women." 

** 

It seems to Yuki that Shuichi watched the same damn video every day. 

It was really irritating, and most of all, depressing. He was tired, Yuki wondered why Shuichi was still with him, but couldn't say anything. After all, he was glad Shuichi was still around. But even when he physically was, he felt his mind and heart were someplace else. 

_'It is time...' _Eiri managed to take the remote from his lover's hands and turn it off, but still he was silently staring at the now blank TV screen. 

_'Ryuichi... Ryuichi wrote that song for me. Ryuichi is hurting because of me... I hurt my Ryu. I never wanted to hurt my dear Ryuichi. I must take a final decision. In the end, one always gets hurt. But right now it seems we're all getting hurt...I'm sorry Yuki.' _

He looked down sadly while holding on the tears trying to break free. 

_'I'm so sorry; I didn't mean for this to happen... I didn't mean to hurt you... To hurt you means hurting myself as well, but the pain I'm feeling right now needs to be ceased, and it can only be ceased by his love...by Ryuichi's love.' _

The writer sighed once again and sat next to him. "Shuichi...you don't have to stay here, you know. After all, I never invited you to live here, you just move in by your own." 

Shuichi didn't respond and it just made it harder for Yuki. _'How can I say this, if I don't want to let go? I need strength...to let him go.' _

"I know I received you the last time, but that doesn't mean you have to...live with a guy like me." He swallows hard and took a deep breath trying to control his emotions- he didn't want to show his pain. "I know... I've noticed you are distant and absent when around me... I-I" He couldn't hold on, the tears betrayed him and now he was exposed to a surprised purple gaze. 

_'It's so pathetic...Yuki Eiri crying for love. For a lost love...it wasn't supposed to end like this. I was the only one that could decide when to end this, when I no longer needed him... I-I love you Shuichi...I love you. But I can't say those words...I just can't.' _

"Yuki? Yuki, are you all right? What's wrong? Yuki, Yuki!" He shook the man shuddering right beside him several times, and as a response received the tightest embrace the writer had ever gave. "Yuki..." His eyes turned sad; Yuki knew about his feeling and was hurting. He was hurting Yuki, his dear Yuki...his beloved Yuki. 

"Yuki..." He wrapped his arms around the shaky body thrown at him, and softly caressed the golden strands his fingers managed to find. _'If you had loved me, everything would've been different. If at least I had felt loved, truly loved by you...' _The novelist was crying desperately in the singer's arms, knowing this was goodbye. 

"Yuki, please don't cry. ...Please don't..." Seeing someone like Yuki Eiri crumble like that was the most painful scene ever witnessed, and it made Shuichi very unhappy. He felt guilty because he caused all that pain; it was his fault. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry Yuki. I'm sorry..." _'I hurt them both...' _All those tears made him wonder if in fact Yuki loved him, so he could only do one last thing to try save their love. "Do you love me Yuki? Is that why you're sad?" _'If you do, if you do love me, maybe then...' _

"..." But all he received as a response was silence. _'I do. I do love you Shuichi...' _

_'I need much more Yuki... I need someone who can tell me and show me the way he feels. Maybe I'm being unfair, but I've found a kind of love that makes me feel complete and not half happy. Your love always leaves me wondering and feeling sad...unsatisfied, and needing something more, but with him...that empty feeling is never felt, my heart fills inside and I feel like I'm glowing.' _

_'I lost my voice...I can't, even when I want to say it- I can't. There's no use...everything is lost. I would only look ridiculous. It doesn't matter what I say now; I already lost.' _The novelist decided to say nothing so it wouldn't be harder for Shuichi to leave, so he preferred to make him think he didn't truly love him. 

_'I guess I'll never know the way he feels...I was never able to understand you Yuki.' _

** 

Ryuichi left for a walk in the park, it always relaxed him, even if it did reminded him of Shuichi. While he walked, he started viewing his memories in his head like a homemade movie. He saw everything he'd done up to this moment. 

He was lucky after all, God gave him many gifts and one of them was meeting Shuichi. That boy made him smile for real, and that boy saved him from drowning in an ocean of tears. He still felt lonely, but he didn't feel miserable anymore. Ryuichi was determined to live a happier life from now on. No more lamenting, no more crying, now it was time to blossom. 

"Arigato Shuichi...you changed my life. Now I can look forward, and hopefully better times will come. Even if you never corresponded this feeling inside, I'm glad that I loved. I'm glad that I chose you to love...in my heart you'll always be treasured and loved from a distance...from a long distance, my love." Ryuichi let out what he called the last tear, but who could've known that it really was? 

** 

Shuichi and Yuki were still embraced in silence. Yuki's tears ceased and his body stopped trembling for a while now. The purple gaze was hid behind soft eyelids nested in warmness. It was so sweet, that was the sweetest moment, and the closest moment he had ever shared with his lover. Unfortunately...it was too late. 

"I'm sorry Yuki..." 

"Hn." Only a sound was given in response. 

"Even when I love you, I can no longer love you this way. You are and will always be special to me. I felt love in my heart for the first time because of you, but..." 

"You need much more..." Not longer after, rain began to fall, and the soothing sound softened the sounds of the sobs inside the apartment. The minutes of silence that followed were broken by a loud growl from the sky. 

"You are like the rain...cold and beautiful...can be rough or just mild...unpredictable." 

"I do sound like the rain outside, growling and threatening... I know now the wrong I caused you, and the wrong I caused to Ryuichi too. Maybe it was revenge, or maybe just destiny. I once stole love from him, and now he is the one stealing from me. You only get what you deserve; it's the golden rule..." 

"Yuki..? What do you mean? What do you mean by that?" Shuichi was confused. 

"I...I knew Ryuichi was Tohma's lover and even when I did..." 

Shuichi's eyes widened. "You were the one!" Yuki looked to his face confused. "You were he one with Tohma when Ryuichi walked in?" 

He sighed. "I knew he was there, I heard him- Tohma didn't. And even when I was aware, I fucked him. What is worst is that I wasn't in love with him at all- I've never been, but Tohma was all I had and..." 

"And?" 

"We were fuck buddies, nothing more. But Ryuichi, he truly loved him and I wrecked their love." 

"Yuki..." Shuichi was disappointed, he never though Yuki was the one. 

"So you knew about it?" The writer asked feeling ashamed. 

"Just that Tohma betrayed him with someone else, but Ryu never told me it was you." 

Yuki laughed. "He wanted to protect you... He loves you; maybe he deserves your love more than I do." _'At least I know you'll be in good hands...just wish they were mine.' _

"Don't say that Yuki, you deserve love too. I will always love you, but I need someone that opens up to me and shares his love without fear or holding back- that is the kind of love Ryuichi has to offer. If you had shared your feelings with me, good or bad, I never would have looked another way. I realize I know nothing about you...nothing at all, and it hurts to know you don't trust me enough to share your past with me or are willing to share your present and future with me. I love you Yuki, and it is hard for me to leave...maybe one day fate will brings us back together, but now, right now I need Ryuichi's love." 

"The door is open, always open... Maybe when you return, I would be ready to share my all with you." Shuichi gave him one last hug and walked to the door, but before he left Yuki said his last words. "The door is always open for you, Shuichi...whenever you're ready to come back...the door is wide open." 

"Yuki...sayonara." He closed the door behind and didn't look back; just keep running ahead while giving the last tears for Yuki. _'Sayonara.' _

It was the end, this time for real; it was the end of their story. "Shuichi...don't leave. I forgot to tell you..." Once again the tears fell down the writer's cheeks and they continuously fall for long minutes that seem like hours for Yuki. "...I love you." 

After saying the words he tried so hard to pronounce in front of Shuichi, his facial expression changed from sad to melancholic. "So soon and I already miss you...but I promise to wait for you. The door will always be open for you Shindo Shuichi." 

** 

Shuichi had been trying to contact Ryuichi for hours, but he couldn't find him. 

He soon found himself in front of Hiroshi's apartment, knocking on the door a few times, but nobody answered. 

"HIRO! It's me, Shuichi!" He cried out one last time before sitting in front of the door completely frustrated and soaked. "Now that I want to find my Ryu, he's nowhere to be found." He pouted and shivered while trying to warm his skin. 

Inside the apartment K tried to wake the redhead without much luck. "Hey Hiro, it's Shu." 

"Hum." was all he managed to say. 

"Wow, you're really worn out. I'll get it." Hiro didn't hear him and just snuggled against the pillows, while K slipped into some jeans. When he opened the door, Shuichi eyes were swollen for the many tears he'd already freed, but when he heard the door the pink ball of hair turn quickly to look up at the one he though was Hiro. 

"HIRO!" He gasped when he saw K wearing nothing but a pair of unbuttoned jeans. He took a long suspicious look at his manager; his hair was loose and messy, and his eyes looked tired. It was then when he realized what was going on, so he gasped once more. "OH!" He blushed intensely. "I-I-I'm sorry!" He was hysterical-he never expected THAT! "I didn't know...I didn't mean to...interrupt." He swallows hard. 

"It's ok; we're done for the night." He winked and Shuichi could only blush some more. "Come on in." He pulled the young man inside since the rain was still falling and the boy was completely soaked. 

"Oh no, no, no...It's ok." _'Now what?' _

"You'll catch a cold, idiot!" Shuichi's manager quickly throws a towel to his face and scolded. "You CAN'T catch a cold, what were you thinking?!" 

_'But...?' _Shuichi ignored this since he was still shocked with the news about K and Hiro. "Aren't ya married K?" 

The blonde manager chuckled and gave him a cup of chocolate, but Shuichi was still waiting for some sort of explanation. "My wife ran away a while ago, didn't ya know? I was dumped, but...I found Hiro." He winked while he grinned. 

"OH!" Shuichi looked down, and drank from the cup. "That's... uh... good." 

"C'mon let's wake Hi-chan." K slowly dragged him to the room. 

_'Hi-chan??' _O.o 

When Shuichi got a look at his sleeping friend he decided to leave since he though it was completely unnecessary. "It's ok K, I remember I have something to do. Let him rest, we'll talk tomorrow." He walked away and suddenly stopped. "Take good care of him- or I'll use your own guns on you!" He smiled and ran out and K could only chuckled so hard that it woke Hiro. 

"What happen? What's so funny, you idiot, I'm trying to sleep here." The guitarist rubbed his eyes while yawning. 

"Shuichi...he was stupid enough to threaten me!" 

"Shu-Shu...?" Hiro looked side to side hysterically. 

"Yeah, he knows...how long were you planning on keeping it a secret?" Hiro's eyes turned soft. "Huh?" 

"I guess it is safe to tell the world, Kei-chan." Hiro leaned down and placed a sweet kiss in the blonde's cheek. "It is safe." 

Suddenly another roar of thunder rang and he remembered Shuichi. "That idiot did it again!" He frowned, "I'm going to kill him! He could at least change his clothes!" 

Hiro then pouted. "Now YOU are the one worried about Shuichi and ignoring me!" 

"Ha, ha, ha...you just got a shot of your on medicine." 

"Baka." He pouted again, but after he felt K's warm lips against his own, he only smile. "But you can be a sweet baka." 

** 

Shuichi found himself in front of Ryuichi's apartment one more time, but once again no one answered. 

"Dammit Ryu-chan...Where are you?" He slid down and waited for hours, but the man never showed up. "Better go...maybe this is a sign, maybe I made a mistake, maybe I do belong with Yuki..." He walked in the rain once again, and his body wouldn't stop shivering and shaking. Shuichi's bones felt cold, and his heart did too. 

"I suddenly feel so helpless, so lost, so..." It felt right to look forward; in fact it felt like he had to look forward, and that maybe if he did he will find something important, or someone special- so he took a look around. "Nothing." But his heart was still racing and his eyes searched until he gave up and sadly looked down just to let more tears fall down. 

"Where did you go? Why are you avoiding me? Why? It hurts...Ryuichi; it hurts not to see your smile. I want to see your smile again, once more...for me, just for me." He sobbed hard against his hands. "Maybe you forgot about me already, it took so long for me to figure it out...but now that you're gone I can't hold on. I...I want to disappear... If you're gone... 

If you're gone, then I... 

I don't want to go on by myself. I only want to go on with you by my side, with you... 

With you holding my hand again, just like before. Now, I only have this pain and a hole inside my heart. I need you Ryu; I need you to fill my heart with love again...true love." 

Shuichi looked up once again- the rain stopped and the sun was rising. "It's morning already..." The sunlight touched his face blinding his sight for a moment, but when he managed to focus again he saw a smiling face. "Ryu..." He rubbed his eyes and look again, and there he was- still wearing a smile. It looked like the light was coming out of his body, and to make the image even better a colorful rainbow was drawn behind him. "Beautiful...powerful...and colorful, that you are." He sighed. "I must be dreaming..."

The figure got closer and softly took one hand with his and squeezes it. "You don't have to go on by yourself. I'll hold your hand until the end of time and even further. If you need love, I have plenty and it needs to be given away, but the thing is my love would only be given to the one my heart chose, and that one is you and no one else Shuichi." 

Shuichi was speechless and dumbly staring at the blue shining eyes. Another hand caressed his soft damp pink locks, and lovingly guided him to his arms. 

"I've been waiting for you all my life Shuichi...and I thought I'd never hold you in my arms, but now you're here with me. Now I won't let go of you...I won't, my love, my Shuichi." Ryuichi closed his eyes while he whispered to the young singer's ears, and while he pressed the slim boy against his chest, the rhythm of his heart accelerated making it hard for him to breath normally again. 

"Ryuichi..." The younger male wrapped his arms strongly around Ryuichi's waist and let out a cry of happiness. "Ryuichi!" 

They embraced tightly for a few minutes, silently enjoying the sweet-loving feeling of each other's closeness. They could feel the fluttering in their breaths and the shivering of the skin, not only because it was still cold but also because it felt amazing. 

"I would only promise to hold on to you as long as you love me. You're free, like a bird, and can always fly to another nest if that is your desire, but I will always be waiting for you to come home." 

"Home..." _'Yuki said the same...' _"I'll put my all in this Ryuichi, and I promise to do all I can to make you happy as long as we're together. No matter how long or short our time together is- I promise." 

"Let's go home then." _'Together...we're together! This is a dream or a miracle from the heavens. Thank you, thank you God, thank you my angel Jomei...you really never left my side. Thank you...' _

"You'll hold my hand?" His eyes shinned expectantly and received a soft smile in return. 

"Always." He took his hand and walked away with him to his apartment. Shuichi never let go of Ryuichi's hand and didn't lose it from sight since he couldn't stop looking at their entwined fingers. 

_'He's holding my hand, and anyone can see us. He doesn't care; he doesn't care what others think or may say...he's free and I feel free too. Now I can love without hesitations.' _

Once they got home, Ryu quickly got a towel and dry clothes for Shuichi. "Take a warm shower Shu-chan, I don't want you to catch a cold. I'll make some coffee." 

"Okay." Shuichi grabbed the clothes and ran to the shower while wearing a huge smile that no one could erase. _'I feel happy... I found Ryu, I found love, I found it!' _

Ryuichi prepared the coffee but felt very confused. _'How did this happened? How did he end up here with me? I must be having another dream or I'm completely insane. Shuichi is here with me, to stay? To love me? He was able to love me? Someone was able to love Ryuichi?' _Once again the tears betrayed him and escaped in a rush. _'Someone will love me... I'm so happy...truly happy, for once...for once my heart is dancing with joy.' _

Shuichi took his time and Ryu waited patiently in the kitchen while deeply thinking how lucky he was. 

_'Thank you God, thank you for letting me have him, at least for a while until he finds someone better...but hopefully he'll stay beside me forever... I know it sounds too long but it won't be enough time, it won't. The hole in my heart will finally be filled with love, with real love, with Shuichi's sweet love.' _

"Ryuichi..." Nittle Grasper's singer quickly turned around to face his beloved; his expression showed that he was surprised to see him crying. "RYU! Why are you crying? Did I hurt you? Did I do something wrong? You...you want me to go? Is that it?" 

Ryuichi smiled and softly caressed the rounded pink cheeks before him. "Of course not; I'm crying because I'm happy. I'm happy you're here with me now." 

Shuichi sighed in relief and smiled back. "I am too." Finally, they were together, just like they wanted. "Ryu, I..." 

But Ryuichi didn't let him finish and covered the younger singer's lips with a finger. "Shh. We'll have plenty of time to talk." He mischievously smiled, and slowly leaned down while enjoying how Shuichi's cheeks changed from a soft pink to a bright red. "I love you." He softly whispered, and their lips finally met. They slowly begin to rub softly against each other, dancing to the rhythm of their breathing. Shuichi felt his heartbeat rising so quickly he felt he was loosing his breath and opened his mouth searching for it, but Ryu didn't miss the opportunity to go for a deeper kiss and begin hunting Shuichi's tongue so they could play a different game this time. 

Shuichi let him take control but planned to take control over later on, if his partner gave him the chance, but he was hoping things would be different this time. He was sure Ryuichi was not selfish and would do anything to satisfy him. 

The touch of Ryuichi's fingertips against his skin delivered a thousand shivers to his body and provoked him to moan softly in his ear. They were so close, and he really liked to bite ears... 

"Shu!" The boy giggled and continued to devour the soft flesh of Ryuichi and not long after found himself trapped inside his favorite singer's naked arms. 

"Ryuichi... Thank you for choosing me." 

"There was no one else I could've love...no one." He sealed their lips one more time before turning off the lights, but Shuichi couldn't be quiet at all. 

"Ryu?" 

"Hum...?" He softly responded but wasn't on the mood to talk and was hoping Shuichi wouldn't be in the mood for talking either. 

"Can I be seme...later?" 

Ryuichi laughed lightly and then stopped to look deeply into the purple eyes. "Of course my love, you'll be mine, and I'll be yours." 

"Ryuichi..." He finally stayed quiet and simply enjoyed what his new love had to offer, which turned out to be a lot better than expected. _'So sweet and passionate...I should've known. Now I'm complete...no, now we're both complete.' _

** 

"How much longer are you making me wait Shuichi? It's been weeks...and I miss you." The blonde novelist looked at his watch. "He's not coming home tonight...maybe tomorrow he'll give me a surprise. Yes, I will see his smile again tomorrow." 

Every day was the same for Yuki Eiri, ever since the day Shuichi left he'd waited for him to return back home, and unfortunately he truly believed Shuichi would return soon but didn't know Shuichi was happier than ever. 

"I wonder what you'll say when you come back? You'll probably speak for hours until you drive me nuts, but I'll be happy because you're with me." He closed his eyes. "Hurry back home Shuichi." 

Yuki was now alone, only Mika, Tohma, and even Tatsuha visited him often. Mika brought food for him everyday, and Tohma make sure all his bills were paid, but Yuki seemed to be lost in time. He didn't want to leave his apartment even once, but he kept taking care of himself to look good when Shuichi return. 

"Goodnight Eiri-san." Mika softly whispered. 

"I hope he forgets soon." Tohma sadly commented. 

"I'm not sure...but we can't loose hope." 

** 

No one mentioned Yuki to Shuichi. 

In fact, Tohma only said he had left the country to finish his novel in peace, and Shuichi though it was true. He was happy everything was going well. Bad Luck was getting popular and was touring with Nittle Grasper to promote their first record, and Ryuichi kept his promise and made a song with his love Shuichi. 

The brunette felt like he was living a dream and because of that he lived each day to the fullest, to make sure he never wastes a minute of happiness. 

_'I found love at last... The loneliness I felt is completely gone. I feel like my life has just begun.' _

Ryuichi smiled while he waved to the crowd cheering at him and Shuichi. The public was more than overwhelmed by their act, and the two singers were completely happy. They both held their hands up in the air and bowed one last time to the public after finishing that night show. Many more shows would come for them, and many more journeys they'd travel together. Even when they knew their lives would go different directions after the tour, they also knew their love would always keep them together. 

** 

The End~ 

**STORY EXTRAS** **(Short sequel): 

_You Really Loved Me _

Two year passed by, and Shuichi was watching the news since he had nothing better to do. Ryuichi wasn't home yet and he was bored without him. It was then when he heard something that caught his attention. 

"After two years of silence, Yuki Eiri appears and with a new novel to impress us all. The editor said the novel is different from his previous works since this one is written in first person. There are also rumors that say the main character of the novel is Yuki Eiri himself. The name of the character is never revealed and it can't be told if it was a woman or a man. But the novel promises to be the best he ever wrote, and it should be since it took him two years to write it!" 

Shuichi was silent, and a little after the news ended, Ryuichi got home. "Shu-chan I'm home!" He hurried to his love's side and squeezed him. "Night Shu-chan!" He quickly placed a kiss on the lips. 

"About time!" He pouted. "I've been waiting for hours! The food is cold already and I'm lonely." He pouted even more. 

"Ha, ha, silly Shu-chan, but you know Tohma... I only managed to get away because I pretended to be asleep." 

"Ha, ha! GREAT! I can't believe Tohma still fell for that trap! So, let me warm it up again!" He said, looking over at the food. He tried to stand up, but Ryuichi pushed him down again. "Huh?" 

"Maybe later...I want to warm you up first." 

"RYU!" His cheeks quickly turned pink and Ryuichi giggled after seeing the tender view. 

"Kawaii Shuichi..." 

"Ryu... I love you." 

"I love you too Shu." 

Shuichi was happy with Ryuichi but still found himself wondering about Yuki sometimes. The news was shocking for him, but he though that at least Yuki must feel better, and that he was probably over him, if he ever loved him. _'I always wondered if he loved me.... but it doesn't matter anymore because I found love- my Ryuichi.' _

** 

The novel was finally in stores and Shuichi managed to get a copy without telling anyone. He didn't wanted Ryu to think he was still in love with Yuki, but he was curious about the novel after he saw the cover of it. The cover was pink, the same pink of his hair, and had nothing written in it except 'by Yuki Eiri'. But when he opened the cover he saw why the title wasn't written- because it was shown. 

"Pink." 

He took his copy home and begins to read. He hid it under the mattress before Ryu got back home to avoid problems. But after reading the first page he knew it. Yes, Yuki was the main character and it was the story of his life. He tried to make it look like it was someone else, but Shuichi knew better. There were lots of hints that make even an idiot like him realize it was his story. It was not like Yuki to write about him...but after more pages he realized it was not about Yuki's life, but about Yuki's misery, and his worst misery was the lost of the one he truly loved. He got to know Yuki in a way he never imagined, and page after page he cried. He found out about Yuki's unknown past, and understood why he was so cold and distant. He felt for the first time he understood Yuki. 

"Yuki..." 

While reading the book he realized Yuki always loved him, but was never able to say it, and that made him feel terrible. _'I didn't give him a chance...I wasn't patient enough...and I hurt him.' _

In the last page of the book, he realized Yuki's mental health was probably lost, or he simply decided it was a better ending, but still it seems so real it even gave him chills. 

~ I never told him how much I love him, that was another of my many mistakes, but still today, I am staring at the door, waiting for the day he returns...~ 

"Yuki..." Shuichi's tears fell down uncontrollably after closing the book. 

"You really loved me." 

** 

  
  
*This chapter beta read by AoiHyou* -THANKS AGAIN! =^.^=

A/N: Ok people don't kill me now. This is the end of my story, what happen, you decide. For me Shuichi only had one choice, but I made this ending so anyone can make their own happy ending. I concluded it- Shuichi ends up with Ryuichi, but for those of you who thinks Yuki still has hopes I left the door open. Thank you again for reading this story, and please let me know what you think. Good or bad it is welcome. 


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